Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
I stood staring at the beast, my feet nailed to the ground. Dropping its prey, it started towards me. My heart was beating so fast I thought it might jump right out of my chest. The beast edged closer, slowly at first and then at full speed. I looked up into its black eyes. They were filled with bloodlust so deep I could tell it was driving the beast mad, just making it all the more dangerous.
My _______was racing with the fear that coursed through my veins. After a lifetime, it seemed I was finally able to move, struck to the core with adrenaline. My mind became aware of everything around me. My senses were heightened to the maximum. My nose picked up the pungent smells of blood and death, rolling over the soft aroma of the earth. My eyes caught onto the slightest movement of the forest. And my ears caught onto the ear shattering screams of the monster.
My feet freed from the ground, putting my body in full motion. I ran through the forest as fast as my legs would carry me. The wind pounded in my ears keeping pace with my heart pulsing against my chest. I felt tempted to look back until its fiery cry vibrated through the trees, almost knocking me off my feet. Stumbling, I kept running knowing that sooner or later I would tire and my assailant would not. O ran deeper and deeper to the heart of the forest, unaware of the direction I was heading. I could hear the beast’s footsteps pounding against the earth in a desperate attempt to wipe me off of the face of the planet.
I began to slow down my energy fading. I ran a few more feet before stopping in my tracks.
“God, you probably already have my family. So let me leave this place and stop running,” I cried, shouting into the distance.
I put my arms out like an airplanes wings, before closing my eyes and waiting for death to come.
I waited almost a full second before something grabbed my wrist hastily. My eyes flew open trying to catch a glimpse of my attacker. Before I could scream I was being pulled along, backwards by the end of my wrist.
Author's Note: I know there is a blank space in this chapter, but I couldn't think of what word should go there, "Mind" or "Body" so I left it blank if I come up with a word for it I will edit. In the mean time this is what I have. I hope you guys have enjoyed it so far. Sorry it is so short I just thought it was a great stopping point, leaving you off with a cliff hanger. :)
Happy Writing ~Dreamer
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139,448 Literary Works • 672,565 Reviews
I think mind would work with the idea figuratively, but body makes more literal sense although it sounds odd and doesn't flow as well.
I liked this chapter a lot but a couple parts sounded like you wrote them already. Only a couple dinosaurs are small enough to properly follow prey into a forest. A raptor is a little too fast though, something maddie probably didn't consider. Firstly the start sounds like a t rex, but in a modern day forest it would be to large to see you and unable to follow. On the other hand, raptors hunt in packs like a wolf and run as fast as a car on a highway. So out running even a single raptor is literally impossible, but people need to realize that in a story anything is possible. And a raptor is among a handful that could follow and track it's prey in forests as small as what they are in this day and age. Trees are too small and larger dinosaurs would be unable to see someone or something under the tree line. Nor would any dinosaur be able to follow based on smell, because trees and animal life would give off to many smells that would mask any smell you'd give off.
I loved the chapter and look forward to your next.
Thank you. But now I think I got my work cut out for me *sigh*
Well, hello! I'm Maddie and I'm here to review your work!
I've read through your previous chapters, and you've most certainly improved on this one. You've got the same elements, such as the great voice, characterization that isn't flanderization... Except this time you've got better paragraphing, dialogue punctuation, and to be honest, a far better sense of fear here.
My only complaint about this chapter is that it's rather short, though it seems a bit like a Jurrassic Park kind of thing. Dinos on an island... You see where I'm headed, right? Well, anyways, that's pretty much what I wanted to say.
This work is very full of passive voice. I jumped is active voice. I am jumping is passive. Passive voice can be good for slowing down a scene or something, I'm not sure if that, but typically you'd want to avoid it. That, and I'm dead sure you don't want to do at this dire moment in your main character's story/life.
This last part seemed very... weird. Why would you go against all instincts to run and just turn around to face an unidentifiable dinosaur? Also, the only line of dialogue in there. It's good, but the darn comma keeps throwing me off. I see exactly what you're going for there, trying to keep to the punctuation alright, but this was a shout. In a dire time. Danger. Freaking dinosaurs! Use that exclamation mark! (Remember that the next word is still lowercase.)
You could at least describe the dino. (Don't make it a t-rex, please! T. Rex is the most cliche dino you could use. Try an oviraptor, which is faster and deadlier with claws that can actually reach you.)
So, in general, despite my sorta harsh review, I liked the story and hope to see more. For that word with the blank space, maybe soul could work since it's very dramatic.
Keep Writing!
Maddie out!
Thank you for your feedback. Personally I would have liked the exclamation point in the dialogue, in my last chapter someone advised me to use commas instead so I have no Idea what to use. On the instinct thing, she knows that she is losing energy so she is just giving up, but her attacker won't let her. Don't worry I'm not making it a T-rex lol, but I don't know what I want to make it yet, therefore more of its identity will be revealed in later chapters. I thought of "soul" for that blank space, but it just didn't make sense to me. Again thanks for you feedback. Keep Writing ~Dreamer