This short story is rather random. Hope you like it and have a laugh.
A Night with Destiny
I was just sitting down for the evening with a cup of tea and a bit of toast when a knock on my door sounded. Biting back a sigh, I set my toast down on my saucer and stood, plucking my shawl from the hook in the hall as I made my way to the door. I had long since learned to distinguish the different between the knock of a mere caller and those of a midwifery nature. From the continuous banging at present I suspected the later.
Swinging open the door I was met with a rather bizarre sight. Standing on my front steps, hand still raised as though to ready to knock again, was a bearded woman. Dressed in a revealing blouse and corset there was no mistaking her gender despite the full grown, albeit, well trimmed facial hair. I wish I could say I took this in stride however the truth is I gaped rather longer than polite before I was able to gather myself enough to ask.
“Can I help you?”
Removing a deep purple bowler hat from where it was perched on her mane of brown curls, she countered with a question of her own. “Is the midwife, Margaret Stone in?” Her voice was abrupt and brash.
“I am she” I replied drawing myself up to my full height of 5’2 out of habit. After taking over my mother’s midwifery practice at the age of 16 two years prior I had become defensive of people questioning my age and whether I was capable of filling my mother’s shoes.
This woman seemed to have no such qualms. “I need you to come with me. Destiny’s baby is coming.” Speaking she replaced her hat back on her head and started back down the stairs.
That information left me somewhat confused but was enough to jolt me into action. Snatching my midwifery bag from its standby spot by the door I followed the beard woman, pausing when I realized our mode of transportation was a wagon with a cage strapped on to the bed of it. The woman sprung up into the box seat with ease and gathered the reins. It was at this point that she seemed to notice my hesitation and raised a single sculpted eyebrow at me.
“Well?” she grunted.
My reply was rather timid in comparison. “You want me to ride all the way up there?” My voice may have trembled slightly.
A spark of humor entered the woman's eyes and she answered without missing a beat. “It’s either up here or the cage ma’am. “
The choice was not a difficult one. Handing my bag up to my strange companion I hiked up my petticoats and mounted the box slightly less graceful than the bearded woman, all the while wondering what I had gotten myself into.
***
A half an hour later my question was partially answered as the striped top of a circus tent came into view. Moments later we pulled into the yard before it and I was unable to stop my jaw from dropping as we stopped beside a lumbering elephant being lead by a stick thin man dressed in billowing striped pants and a bright green polka-dot shirt.
“How is Destiny?” The bearded woman fired the question off as she swung smoothly down from the wagon. I tumbled out after her the best I could, clutching my bag to my chest.
“Moaning like Sasha the bear did the time she ate that bad fish, Ruby,” the thin man shot back.
This apparently meant more to Ruby than it did to me. Before I could blink she grabbed me by the elbow and we were inside the big tent cutting through clusters of clowns and dozens of dancers, their scarves and skirts a whirl of colors. As she pulled me along I caught a glimpse of a man breathing fire and of another man stroking a tiger. Making my way through the strange and wonderful crowd I suddenly felt that I was the odd one out in my drab gray dress and brown shawl, a plain pigeon among peacocks.
We exited the back of big tent a moment later and Ruby released my arm as she strode purposefully to one of the smaller tents now visible. She disappeared inside but I lingered, feeling out of place.
I heard a shout from inside the tent and my awkwardness forgotten, I pushed back the flap and found who I could only conclude was Destiny, sprawled on a mountain of cushions and silken pillows.
Her black ringlets were plastered to the sides of her face with sweat and her light cream colored robe was open revealing her taut swollen stomach. Her olive skin was flushed rosy and her perfect pink lips parted, releasing a string of swear-words worthy of a sailor. The glimpse of a dark wrinkled scalp between her spread legs was what made the last of my apprehension disappear.
I addressed the redheaded dwarf holding the woman’s hand without batting an eye.
“You’re the father?” He gave a single nod. “Alright, I need you to support her head and shoulders”
A bowl of warm water appeared at my elbow and I washed my hands in it, shaking the water droplets from my fingers a moment before Destiny let out a mighty roar and the baby slipped smoothly into my waiting hands.
***
At dawn the next morning I was deposited back at my front steps. As I made my way towards them I touched the silk scarf at my throat a dancer had graced me with as I left the circus and thought of the exotic chocolates tucked in my bag that the young couple had gifted me.
“Where hav’ you been miss?” A paper boy standing on the corner asked.
An image of Destiny’s face as she cradled her baby rose before my eyes and I felt a smile touch my lips.
“Some place magical.”
Hope you enjoyed. :)
DG
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140,905 Literary Works • 673,714 Reviews
Hey Dragongirl, (LOVE your name omg)
There should be a comma after 'door'MJ dropping by for a quick review. The title grabbed my attention and it proved not to be a disappointment, but there are a few spots you could work on/improve. Don't get me wrong, you have a great start, but some small changes could go a long way. Without further ado, let's hop right on in.
The first thing I noticed was that there were a lot of missing commas. I'm going to point out some and leave you to catch the rest during editing so my entire review isn't filled with little nitpicks like that.
There should be a comma after 'corset'
There should be a semicolon after 'stride' and a comma after 'however'. I would also insert the phrase 'could be considered' before 'polite'. (That's a completely unrelated side note)
I also feel that there should be a little more confusion and overall a stronger reaction from the midwife when she sees the carriage. She seems to be confused and skeptical at first, but pushes that aside. To give some more depth and add some interesting parts here rather than just a slow plot progression, you could have her refuse at first but then have the bearded lady persuade her somehow.
Why does she feel out of place? It seems that her midwifery instincts would take over and she'd immediately be in that room and helping deliver the baby. There's not really a good reason stated here that she should feel a little strange, and it isn't very convincing right now.
It also seems that Destiny has been in labor for quite some time, so why didn't the bearded lady come sooner? Going off of what I know about labor, it can be a very lengthy process and it seems that she had been going through this for at least several hours. I'm also a little confused on how far back they are. If she's screaming and cursing, it doesn't seem very likely that she would be right behind the curtain where the audience could be able to hear her. Is she farther back? I didn't get that impression, but if that's the case, I would recommend clarifying that.
Overall, I thought this was a well-written quirky short and I enjoyed it! It was a cute idea that you brought to life quite well, but a few grammar mistakes detracted from that. I am a little bit of a grammar freak, though, so I reacted a little harsher than the average person might. I also didn't fully understand the significance of the last sentence, so maybe adding in a little bit more explanation there would help. It was fun and entertaining and you certainly delivered and executed your idea quite well, so bravo for that! Bye for now
Best wishes,
MJ
Hi, Dragongirl. I more than laughed, I really liked this shortstory. It was cute and fantastic and well-written.
There are several typos. I'm not sure I caught them all.
« I had long since learned to distinguish the differen[ce] between the knock of a mere caller and those of a midwifery nature. From the continuous banging at present I suspected [it was] the later. »
« Swinging open the door[,] I was met with a rather bizarre sight. Standing on my front steps, hand still raised as though to ready to knock again, was a bearded woman. Dressed in a revealing blouse and corset[,] there was no mistaking her gender despite the full grown, albeit, well trimmed facial hair. I wish I could say I took this in stride however the truth is I gaped rather longer than polite before I was able to gather myself enough to ask[, ]“Can I help you?” »
« After [actually, « since » might be better] taking over my mother’s midwifery practice at the age of 16[,] two years prior[,] I had become defensive of people questioning my age and whether I was capable of filling my mother’s shoes. »
« Speaking[,] she replaced her hat back on her head and started back down the stairs. »
« Snatching my midwifery bag from its standby spot by the door[,] I followed the beard[ed?] woman, pausing when I realized our mode of transportation was a wagon with a cage strapped on to the bed of it. »
« Handing my bag up to my strange companion[,] I hiked up my petticoats and mounted the box slightly less graceful than the bearded woman, all the while wondering what I had gotten myself into. »
« A half an hour later[,] my question was partially answered as the striped top of a circus tent came into view. Moments later[,] we pulled into the yard before it and I was unable to stop my jaw from dropping as we stopped beside a lumbering elephant being lead by a stick thin man dressed in billowing striped pants and a bright green polka-dot shirt. »
« Before I could blink[,] she grabbed me by the elbow and we were inside the big tent cutting through clusters of clowns and dozens of dancers, their scarves and skirts a whirl of colors. As she pulled me along[,] I caught a glimpse of a man breathing fire and of another man stroking a tiger. Making my way through the strange and wonderful crowd[,] I suddenly felt that I was the odd one out in my drab gray dress and brown shawl, a plain pigeon among peacocks. »
« Her black ringlets were plastered to the sides of her face with sweat and her light cream colored robe was open[,] revealing her taut swollen stomach. »
« At dawn the next morning[,] I was deposited back at my front steps. As I made my way towards them[,] I touched the silk scarf at my throat a dancer had graced me with as I left the circus and thought of the exotic chocolates tucked in my bag that the young couple had gifted me. »
« “Where hav’ you been miss?” [a] paper boy standing on the corner asked. »
As I said, typos. Be careful of forgetting necessary commas and don't hesitate to begin another paragraph after your quotation marks. Otherwise, it was really very good.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! I am so grateful for the tips with the grammar! Glad you laughed!