Foxglove

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well...this definitely seems like it would make quite an interesting story. That first paragraph especially definitely peaked my interest quite a bit, not to mention that ending was even better...so yeah...this is a great little short so far.

I stand on the docks overlooking the countless abandoned ships and sailboats. The rust on the chains that bind my whole body resembles the rust on the once beautiful sea vessels. My toes grip onto the ledge, the sea only millimetres away from me. I hear the sounds of the people laughing and chattering behind me. Execution. It's perhaps the only exciting thing that happens to them. A sudden hush falls over the crowd and I feel a stick touch my spine. In that second I am pushed forward into the waves. The water engulfs me, filling my lungs. I feel like Death is reaching his hand out to me, but this is only the beginning.

My name is Foxglove. So named after the beatiful flower which stares at me through my kitchen window. My father told me that I have to act like foxglove. Be tall and pretty. That's what he'd told me on his deathbed. My mother had died giving birth to me. My father was never the same after that. He slowly faded away until, after two dreadful years of looking after the infant who had killed his wife, he died. Fourteen years later his words still stick to me like honey. Be tall and pretty. Tall and pretty.

I live by myself in a house on a hill. I can see the whole town from here, but the whole town never sees me. I live right beside the forest and they wouldn't dare risk seeing a Banished. Seeing a Banished is just as bad as talking to one. I live my life all alone, marking my height each day and constantly applying makeup to ensure that I stay tall and pretty. I killed my father, the least I can do is obey his dying wish.

Of course, I'm not always alone. That just wouldn't be possible. Once a month I head down the gravel road into the town to pick up supplies. The routine is the same: Walk into the grocery store, grab my monthly rations. Walk into the register, verify that I'm still alive. Avoid the disgusted glares of every single citizen. And hurry back up the hill to my home.

No one down there likes me, except perhaps one council member who I refuse to acknowledge the existence of. He wants my hand in marriage, but no way in hell is he getting it. When a girl turns sixteen her father is legally obliged to arrange her marriage. I'm only protected by the fact that I don't have a father to arrange one.

Today I am in the garden. Down the hall in the direction I'm facing are the docks and the ocean full of abandoned ships and sailing boats. To my right the forest begins. I've never understood why the forest is such a taboo place. Only the specially trained hunters are allowed to go in there, and they only go in there to kill the Banished.

The Banished are supposedly a race of humans who live feral lives among the trees. They were banished from the town centuries ago when they fought for gender equality and lost.

I personally appreciate their beliefs. I'm sure the Banished wouldn't glare at me in disgust because I refuse to get married. Heck, I'd probably marry a Banished just to shove it in the faces of those people down in town. But I would be killed for it. Seeing a Banished is shameful, touching one gets you a flogging, but marrying one? I'd be killed for sure. The only people exempt from the touching and seeing consequences are the Hunters, it's their job to kill the Banished.

Right now I'm tending to the flowers which I'm named after. Foxglove. I often look at them, then at myself. And I feel terrible for not being as beautiful. What would my father say? I don't know. I didn't know him all that well, I was only two after all.

I grab my watering can and walk over to a young lavender bush. I find myself turning red when I see that it's completely squashed. Those damn foxes have been partying in my garden again!

I realise that those foxes aren't to blame. A deep, shaky voice speaks from behind me. "Help me. Please."

I spin around in an instant and feel my heart racing. My eyeballs almost burst out of their sockets. Infront of me, sitting on the ground with a sweaty brow and a bullet wound in his leg... is a Banished.

This is very beautifully written! A great exposition. It leaves the reader quite curious as to what Foxglove's adventure will be with the Banished, and who she will marry. (I do hope that is a subplot; nothing sets me off more than when readers obsess over a story's love triangle than the actual plot.)
I have faith you won't do that, though. xD

One nitpick:
The routine is the same: Walk into the grocery store,

Should 'walk' be capitalized? I didn't think it looked quite right but I guess I'm not certain.

You're a really good writer! I'm really looking forward to catching up with your other chapters

~iron.n

Wow! You really caught my interest! This is probably the most interesting story I've reviewed all night. Somehow you got the info dump just right so that I actually enjoyed it (info dumps are very difficult). Perhaps the setting you presented in the said info dump is just so intriguing and interesting that it didn't FEEL like an info dump at all. Immediately you present the potential for conflict in this info dump (sorry I keep repeating that, but that's what I call it), but even better, you presented a direct conflict in the first chapter! Awesome! Hunters and Banished.

There's one thing I'm confused about though... the thing about marriage. Banished aren't allowed to marry, right? And if they were to marry, they would be executed right? Correct me if I'm wrong. I just want to make sure I understood that correctly.

Oh, one more thing... maybe it's just me, but I was torn from the illusion of the story when you used the phrase "gender equality". Simply because, in my opinion, it's a very.... extremely modern term that is used a lot in politics. I don't know, for some reason that phrase didn't seem to sound consistent with Foxglove's voice. Perhaps consider using an example of the said gender inequality? You don't have to though, I think it just bothered me because I'm very politically savvy and when I hear something remotely political my ears perk up.

Anyway, great job! I look forward to reading Chapter 2.

Since you said to tell you what I think of the story, I'll do just that. Happy Review Day, by the way!

Well, it definitely hooked me from the beginning! I wanted to know why she was going to be executed, I wanted to know why, from the writing, it didn't seem she was terrified. For me, it felt like she was just embracing the fact that she was about to be killed. As for the flashback, I was a little confused at first. I thought Foxglove herself was a Banished, only to realize a little later that she wasn't, and that she was only an outcast in society. Not much difference from a Banished, it seems, but still a little better than being one. I'm also curious as to why she knew that her father changed, considering she shouldn't have known how he was before as I don't think there was any hint of her having any siblings to tell her how he was before her mother died. I'm also curious as to why she said she was the one who killed her father. Was she just guilty because she "killed" her mother or was there an accident she didn't mention of? If there was, I would want to read about it!

From the few final lines, I could see also that she wouldn't mind being one of the Banished, even going as far as actually not minding to be married to one. For some reason or another, when I read the part where there was a Banished in her garden, I couldn't help but think, "Ah. She's going to like this guy and they'll have a relationship, hence the reason why her execution in the opening." I might be wrong though, but that's the general idea I get so far from how you've written her thoughts and the coincidental moment that a male Banished happened to have been in her property. Maybe she just became friends with the race though, and fought even more for their beliefs and the council guy when the council guy heard of it, he thought Foxglove was a lost cause and sentenced her to death. Somehow like a last token to a love he couldn't have? I don't know. My imagination tends to go wild.

Overall though, this is very intriguing! I may look for future chapters of this later on. Good job!

This is a great start to your story! I really like the metaphors in the beginning: it got me hooked right away.

However, you might want to add more detail to what happened with the Banished. How exactly did they become that way? Is their wildness just a facade to deter people from interacting with them?

Keep up the good work

-Kiwi