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Stretch My Wings

by Dossereana


Authors Note: You all wanted to hear me sing again so here we are https://vocaroo.com/1nJicF0BBqUY in joy:

I want to feel the air

Wiz past my face

Like I'm not even there,

I want to feel my feet lift

Off of the ground

Like I hadn't even left.

Oh, oh,

And I'll stretch my wings

And learn how to fly

Above all things,

I will rise

High up

Into the sky's

Let the sun

Follow me

Until I'm done

Because eventually

I will need to land

But I will still be happy

Because you let me stretch my wings

Oh, Oh,

So let the clouds depart,

So I can see the clear blue sky

But there’s a lot

So I might just have to fly threw them

I will see everything

I will reach heaven,

So just let me stretch my wings

Above all things.


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Mon Apr 26, 2021 11:39 am
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hey, FlamingPhoenx here to review your song/poem.

So I listened to your song, and I loved it a lot, I really liked the part where you said

And I'll stretch my wings

And learn how to fly

You hit the note very nicely, that was the best part for me.
Though I will say that in the beginning I had a little laugh when I hard myself in the background. I didn't even know you were recording at the time. XD Oops.

Now apart from the song where you sang it, and I got to hear where all the brakes were in the song, I didn't really get that feeling from the written down song. It's a very hard thing to master, being you already know were everything is supposed to go you can't really pick it up.
So maybe work on your comma placing, that way when you do sing it, it will be easier for you to read and sing, and not get mixed up.
Of cores I know I'm one to speak. I have the same problem with my story, when I miss place commas.
If you do find it hard, here are some things I do. When I'm done writing, I read it, then read it out loud, then being this is a song, you also sing it out loud. It just an extra little tip to pick up on all the little things.

But just because everything wasn't in just the right spot, doesn't mean I didn't love reading it. :D I was a really well done song. It really spoke freedom to me, and also following your dream in life. Love it a lot!

I do hope you have more songs like this one, other than the Blooming Rose song/poem you did, this one is becoming one of my favorites. Amazing job! I hope you have a great night! :D

Your friend and faithful reviewer
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion! ;)




Dossereana says...


Thanks for the kind words, also I'll try to work on how I write the song down to match with the way I sing it for my future songs. I really think that the lay out on the photo that comes with this poem is closer then the way I wrote it in the first place.
Thanks for the review I will keep this in mind for my next song.





I agree, the photo is a lot better! :D



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Thu Feb 04, 2021 4:36 pm
sunlightwarriorxo wrote a review...



Hi!
This is a good song - there's great imagery and descriptive language. However, I feel as though the ideas and emotions can be elaborated upon - if you choose to refine your work, of course. For example, in the last five lines, this is what I would add if you would like to refine:
So I might just have to fly threw them

I will see everything,

A feeling of freedom,

Looking at them,

Looking at who I been,

I will reach heaven,

So just let me stretch my wings,

A harmony of peace,

Above of things,

This moment I'll breathe,

For the very least.

These are all just suggested edits of course, it's your work - you're a great lyricist and I think you have a lot of potential so keep writing! :)




Dossereana says...


Thanks so much again for the review, I will defiantly think about changing this. :D



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Sat Dec 05, 2020 7:51 pm
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Purple67 wrote a review...



Hello there! I wanted to give a review on your piece of work. I never reviewed anything like this before, so here it goes...


Here's the positive.

- It sounds really good for a song.
- It has a good metaphor, the flying part reminded me of Maya Angelou's poem Caged Bird but without the caged part, like if Maya already freed herself.
- I also like the ending of the song.

Now, here's the not-so-positive, but i'm not saying it's bad.

- The words don't flow as well with the meaning, but it can be improved.
That's all, it's overall very good.
- Purple67




Dossereana says...


Thanks so much for the review I will keep all of this in mind. :D



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Wed Dec 02, 2020 1:43 pm
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lillianna wrote a review...



hello there Vulcanite! i’m here to leave a review, that hopefully is helpful. i’ve never reviewed lyrics before, so i hope this goes well.

i’m guessing that lines 1-7 count as the first verse. first off, the imagery is beautiful. you are doing a wonderful job of transporting your readers. i really like this line “Like I’m not even there”. it paints an image of what it feels like to fly without any burdens.

lines 8-11: i’m taking this is the chorus of sorts. i liked the key change that you added in. it sounds like you’re hitting all the notes!! the chorus is so hopeful and light, adding to the whole theme of flying in this song.

lines 12-20: i love the personification of nature in these lines. it gives depth and dimension to the story, as well as other, you might say, ‘characters’ in a sense.

lines 21-28: as the final lines of the song, i think it wraps it up nicely. it trails off so that the rest of the characters journey is up to the readers imagination. the hopeful end to this song is rhythmical and simple, but it has so much meaning!

final thoughts: overall, i liked it very much! the flow was amazing and the message and story to this was meaningful and important. besides a few grammatical errors, it was perfect! excellent job, and keep on writing!

~lulon




Dossereana says...


Thank you so much for the review, and the like, I'm glad to no that you liked it. :D



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Sun Nov 08, 2020 6:26 pm
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FlamingHomosexual wrote a review...



Question, where are the different parts of a song? Like, the chorus, bridge, etc... If we are getting real technical, I find this song lacking. Then again, I listen to Queen and Culture Club so my standards are kinda high.
Love your imagery and figurative speech.
Maybe this song would be easier to navigate if you broke it up into verses?
You’re definitely a great poet, but I’m not feeling this as a song. Nevertheless, keep writing!




Dossereana says...


Thanks for the tips I will keep them in mind, just want to say though that this was a poem that I wrote awhile ago.



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Thu Nov 05, 2020 2:02 pm
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izzywidgeon wrote a review...



I have yet to listen to the recording, but I love the metaphor of being able to fly; it seems like something so freeing and exhilirating. What I really like is that you consider the fact that you would have to land eventually, and flying forever just isn't possible.
That's a really interesting anecdote that I just..adore, honestly.

Now, onto the nitpicky stuff.

"So I just might have to fly threw them."
Should be: "I just might have to fly through them."

"Wiz past my face

Should be: "Whiz past my face."

Otherwise than that, I love this piece. You're a very good songwriter, IMO.

Cheers!

MintyLeaf <3




Dossereana says...


Thanks I'm happy you liked it, also sorry about the spelling mistakes, I do read over it before I post it but I guess I missed some of them.



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Thu Oct 08, 2020 10:28 am
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Denizen wrote a review...



I love the motif of flying. I sounds angelic. I can read a lot of meaning from this-and I quite like the message, of freedom, of longing, of having the confidence to remain strong in the face of adversity. At least, thats how I read it. Also, your singing voice is lovely!
Criticism wise, there are a few minor spelling errors, and some varied punctuation might add to the feel of the lyrics. Overall though, I love it.




Dossereana says...


Thank you so much, I'm glad you liked it, also yeah this was one of my later songs so my spelling and and punctuation is a little all over the place.
Thanks again for the review. :)



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Thu Oct 08, 2020 4:44 am
Riverlight wrote a review...



Hello there, @Vulcanite, it's Vilnius here with a review! <3

First off, you have an AMAZING voice, I just loved it! :)

Second off, I think that you have a neat little set of lyrics here. Because you use commas, I think that you also need to use periods for consistency, though.

One spelling mistake-- "threw" should be "through." To be honest, I keep forgetting about "threw" because I normally use "tossed" or something similar. XD

Have a nice [*insert time of day here*]!!!




Dossereana says...


Thanks so much I'm glad that you liked it, also this was one of my later songs so its lay out and spelling is a little all over the place.
Thanks again for the review. :)




He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how.
— Friedrich Nietzsche