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141,284 Literary Works • 674,333 Reviews
Hi there!
Ooh I love him too. Wow, what a great character. By the end, I really knew who he was. I don't know if this is big of a larger project, but I definitely want to read more. Your writing is interesting and very mellow, so easy to read.
What I didn't like about him was that part when he came right out and said "I've always been the rebellious type." Those kinds of things can make a reader turned off and tune out whenever that character is mentioned. When you want to say those things, it's best to say it in dialogue rather in narration in first person. That way it isn't the character coming straight out and telling us about it, it's them telling another person. Less direct and less awkward. Also, I don't think you need to mention this at all since you describe his rebellious personality perfectly.
I think you should go more in-depth with the latin words. I think I read that part over twice and was still a bit confused, but your character and everyone else seems to understand it so easily. Maybe spend a bit more time on it, because evidently it's an important part of the story. What I want to know is why his group is so much more special than the others?
Other than that I have no criticism. This was such a pleasure to read - I don't know why more people aren't.
Keep writing,
Classy