Balance

Hey DivergentDemigod, it's AshleyDashley here for a review!

First off, I liked how short this poem was. It definitely got the point across and tells you a lot even if it is small. I like how you described the girl and the guys and how together they balanced. I saw no mistakes in this poem so congrats on that! Overall this was really good and I enjoyed reading it! Keep up the good work and I hope to read more of your work soon!

AshleyDashley

Hello,

This poem is really simple yet it tells you a lot, I really enjoyed reading this and have to say it's probably one of my favorites I have read today. I like how you described them, How she was the 'brightest of the bright' and he was the 'Darkest of the dark' so being together they balanced out like Ying and Yang.

Keep up the Great work!!

Yo, clogs here to review!

I've reviewed some of your works before, so you probably have some idea of what's coming: Imagery. This poem is bare-bones to the point that it feels like a set of notes that someone could base a poem off of rather than a poem in itself.

The only descriptions of the sun and moon that you include in this are "brightest of the bright" and "darkest of the dark". While those are undoubtedly catchy phrases, they're also incredibly generic. It feels like I could hear them anywhere, and they do nothing to further my understanding of this poem. There are about a million better ways to describe the sun and the moon.

It's hard to know where to start with imagery, but here's my recommendation for this poem: Try writing it from the human perspective. The objects you're trying to describe are immensely unimaginable to us. If you try to explain to someone why the sun is important, you don't tell them that it's bright, you tell them how it fuels life on earth. We see these things as little discs in the sky, yet they have a profound effect on everything around us. Start with that. That's relatable, that's tangible.

You can also do this with the moon, but I'm not entirely sure how you would tie that into balance in terms of light, since the moon isn't necessarily dark, but it doesn't produce light of its own. In fact, you might want to take a look at the metaphor in the poem and make sure it makes sense, because I don't really understand where the moon being dark comes from. The juxtaposition of moon and sun makes sense, because one is seen at night and the other at day. The sun being "the brightest of the bright" makes sense, because the sun produces light. It's the moon being directly tied to darkness that doesn't ring true to me.

Another note- make sure you watch your line structure- starting multiple lines with "[noun verbed]" gets repetitive after awhile.

I did think it was interesting that you chose to make the sun feminine and moon masculine in this, because it's usually the other way around. If there was any significance to that, maybe that's something you can allude to if you revise this.

So, to sum it up: I'd like to see you expand the imagery in this poem. Here's a Knowledge Base article that I've probably linked you to before, but oh well, because it's a great article and I highly recommend it.

Imagery

If you have any questions about this, please ask! Keep on writing!

Oh. My. Goodness! WOW! You did an amazing job! Hey, it's RainbowPowerPonies but you can call me RPP. I'm here to review your wonderful piece.
Now I do want to say, the only issue with this would be that it's short. USUALLY that's an issue but I think this piece is great as a short poem. I feel that you said all you needed to. Overall, I could find no errors, I had a question though. why did you put a * between those two lines? I know you must have had a good reason so if you could tell me I would enjoy hearing your reasoning. I'm sorry this was short, but I found no errors to correct you on. I love the metaphor at the end. "The moon couldn't be more grateful to the sun."
Anyways, Keep Writing I'll Be Reading.
~RainbowPowerPonies AKA RPP