Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
After I'd jotted down my notes, solved the problems and handed them in to the teacher with little interruption (that just meant they would try harder the next day; I'd established a pattern of action for these idiots) I packed my bag and walked out of the class, the little voodoo charm dressed as a witch dangling and bouncing as I went. I liked that charm. I identified with it. Little exotic thing disguised in a completely irrelevant, and degrading outer attire. Here I was, Marigold Roisin Kavanagh, head of the debating society, and the art club, in remedial math class with a bunch of losers. The teacher kept asking me how I ended up here, since I could do all these problems beautifully. I pondered telling her everything that happened last year, but the man would probably lose his job, and from what he told us before school went out, his wife was expecting twins.
So I just shrugged it off.
Ugh. Fuck you, math teacher, fuck you.
In any case, the boys seemed to be following me out of the school, while muttering and staring at me. They'd never done that one before. I wondered what sort of prank they would pull off, and kept strolling leisurely. I wasn't afraid of a bunch of fat idiots. I could probably outrun them without breaking a sweat. They stopped following after a while anyways, probably having realised they failed to spook me out, and went back to their huge trucks. I don't know what it is with douchebags and big pickups, it's like they all have one. My mother and I like to joke that they're compensating for a lack of... Stuff, with their ginormous trucks.
It was probably true.
Anyways. Today was the 14th of June, a new chapter day for one of the novels I was posting online. It was about a crazy policeman who couldn't find the answer to a mysterious string of killings. Pretty lame and overdone, but I liked it. The website I posted my stories on, Wonderful Writers Community, always showed featured stories on it's homepage. It was usually filled with coming out letters and stories so full of self pity that you couldn't resist dropping a like and a nice comment. In addition to that, there was such a complex relationship pattern in that small website, it shocked you. "Friends" reviewed "friends", and liked their stories regardless of how shitty they were. It was awful. I'd never end up featured like this. I looked at my notifications, there was a review for my last chapter by some bozo who kept talking about the genre of my story rather than what it actually contained. It was super helpful. I posted my chapter and logged off.
After working on my math and biology summer homeworks, I went to bed for a nap, exhausted and disappointed. I'd make myself a feel good cake when I got up. And I woke up pretty soon too, for soon afterwards I was roused awake by a frantic car horn.
Sorry, a truck horn.
Outside, there was a black Fiat F750 with 5 or so boys inside it. I wasn't into trucks, but I knew its owner, and he kept screaming about how awesome his truck was with all the super amazing and expensive improvements. Anyways, I stared at them through the window and opened it to yell at them and demand what they were doing here.
The boys got out of the car and grinned up at me. There was one boy who didn't fit the description of the typical suburb douchebag boy, with long black hair which contrasted with his pale skin and a tall, lanky frame, one I could actually label as attractive, but from the way he was staring at my window, I decided against that.
"Ey, Bloody Mary! Is that how you greet your guests!" One, Robert or Stuart or something, sniggered.
I shut the window in their faces and turned on my stereo to maximum. They would probably leave soon, right?
My mind wandered, I was getting worried. My mother and father were doctors at the local hospital, and today, wednesday, was their late night shift, they wouldn't be home until 11... I still had neighbors though, and if things got rough, I could always scream, right?
Wrong. I'd screamed last year and they'd done nothing.
Terror began to fill my insides. There was a truckful of big boys outside my house and I was in here, helpless. The car horns had stopped. Had they left?
Then the knocks on my door began.
I actually shrieked and went to the kitchen to grab a knife. I stuffed it in my belt, put the chain on the door, and opened it lightly.
The face of the cutish boy was inches from mine.
"Hey there, Rose Red." He said in a somewhat muffled voice, his face was wedged between the door and the frame.
He wasn't cutish. He was red hot. And his attractiveness wasn't helping me slam the door. Up close, he had the greenest eyes I'd ever seen, the color of the greens section of the supermarket. And a beauty mark right on top of his lip. I couldn't stop thinking I'd seen that face before.
"What do you want." I tried to growl without sounding like I was seeing the most attractive man in the world. I probably failed.
"Come on, Sugarplum, won't you let me in?"
I really wanted to say yes, but he was with the wrong people.
"No," I said and attempted to close the door. I was too late, he had his foot there.
"Is it my friends? I can send them away if you want me to." He said, like he'd read my mind, and disappeared. Within seconds, the truck drove away. I took the chance to close the door and moved to the window.
He came too, and pressed his hand against the frame. It was one of the cutest things I've seen.
"Let me in" he was saying.
I opened the window.
"Who even are you?" I asked.
"What do you mean, who am I. I'm Alexander Darius Kane, and I've been sitting in that remedial math class since the end of May!" He said, indignantly, sounding disappointed.
In a flash, a flood of memories entered my mind. He probably occupied that one seat in the back left corner, which I was unable to see clearly. But I'd heard his name before. I relaxed a little, but not enough.
"What do you want from me?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.
"I just wanted to see you." he said, a blush dotting his cheeks as he spoke.
My next question was simple.
"Why?"
The answer was also very simple.
"You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."
I melted right then and there.
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Heyo! Silverberry here for a VERY LATE REVIEW. I read the last chapter and reviewed it, but it seems I postponed reviewing the second chapter for a long time. Whoops. Anyways, I'm reading as I review so I will tell you my thoughts at the end.
Starting the next sentence with "Little exotic thing" is a tad awkward. I like the casualness in the way you write, as if Marigold is speaking, but I think that you should still try to avoid general words such as "thing". Also you kind of rush into the sentence, It would sound better if you had "The doll was a little exotic thing" or even "it was a little exotic thing".Again, "stuff" is a very general term. I definitely understand why it was used here, but you can probably find a better word that's still funny that isn't as broad of a term.
-this is really funny, nice reference!
So this is something I talked about last time, and it's that you have really nice, long sentences and then suddenly you have a really short one. Technically there isn't anything wrong with it, but it seems very abrupt. It's as if I was cruising in a car and then suddenly hit a tree (strange analogy, I know). Though, it does help with your casual tone so I'm a little bit on the fence about it.
Perhaps it's because I know absolutely nothing about cars but it seems strange that Marigold glanced at the truck, knew exactly what kind it was, and then said that she wasn't into trucks. I think you can make it more obvious by not saying what kind of truck it was but instead just doing general adjectives.
I'm sorry, but this is a VERY cliché line and I probably wouldn't use it in the context that you had. Marigold was trying to growl at the guy and intimidate him, even if she did like what she was saying I don't think she'd melt once he complimented her once, especially after coming with all the guys that Marigold hates. Marigold's personality seems more feisty than that. Another thing, I think it isn't the best line to end the part if you want to keep readers intrigued. Perhaps "my face flushed" or something. So it's more suspenseful, if that makes sense.
Anyways, I'm sorry if I was harsh or anything because I actually really like this story so far and I'm really interested to see how Marigold's personality develops and her relationships with...other people.
Hey there! I'm here for a quick review on this lovely review day. Let's jump right into it!
I liked this - this was really cute and overall quite well-written. I really like your main character - you do a really good job of getting her voice across and making her actually feel like a distinct person.
I also really liked the tidbit about the writing website she posts her stories on - it sounds a lot like Wattpad to me, with the 'quality' of writing and 'quality' of reviews. Someone needs to introduce her to YWS! xD
I'm afraid I don't have too much to say - all around, this is rather solid. You do have a few paragraphs of introspection that are just kind of long. Breaking them up is a good idea to make it easier to read and to make it so readers don't accidentally skim and miss important information.
I thought your ending was a bit on the cheesy side - if I had a dollar for every time I've read the words "I melted" in reference to a boy paying the main character girl a compliment, I'd be very rich. Try to use some other way to describe how she feels, maybe relating it specifically to her character - a metaphor that only she would think of, or something similar.
I'll be interested to see why he's so different from his friends - if he knows his friends are jerks, why does he hang out with them?
That's all I can think of for now - sorry this was a bit short, but it was just very good overall. Good luck with the rest of this!
Hi, Abhipsa here for a review
)

I don't think this review would be very substantial because I'm in a haste. I will just tell you what I liked about your work (I couldn't find anything that I disliked, actually
First of all I loved your title. Its is very eye-catching and interesting.
I have not read your first chapter and started right from the second. But I liked it and the story is understood clearly. Your words are simple and straight, which all the more illustrates the fact that it is a story about young people.
I liked the ending the most. A very interesting ending it is. It reveals the character of Alex very nicely, a character that endears him to the readers.
I couldn't find any nitpicks and it is an absolutely great work.
Keep writing and delighting your readers.