How far can a breath stretch?
Bend, break or mould?
Can it fill a broken heart?
Will you let it?
Her love was pure, yet unwanted,
Sinking like a storm,
Rising like the tide,
Enough to drown.
Enough to swallow.
Gently suffocating,
Roughly cherishing.
Yearning became jealousy,
Jealousy became anger,
Morphing until love became hate.
Until she was gone.
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141,272 Literary Works • 674,332 Reviews
Great job on your poem, I liked it a lot. You had a great use of periods and commas, and I loved the beginning.
It was interesting how your poem slowly got darker from.
Sinking like a storm,
Rising like the tide,
Enough to drown.
Enough to swallow.
Gently suffocating,
Roughly cherishing.
That was my favorite part.
I also really enjoyed the part about how far a breath can stretch.
How far can a breath stretch?
Bend, break or mould?
Can it fill a broken heart?
Will you let it?
It flows perfectly to the next part like your asking if you will let love in. Overall I really enjoyed it. Nice job, keep on writing!
- LUNARGIRL
Came here from Pending because I really loved the poetry there and I'm glad to say I love this too!
I really like the opening "How far can a breath stretch?/ Bend, break or mould?"
Great way to get everyone hooked for the rest of the poem.
I also really like how you show the poem slowly getting darker, and the contrast in all the lines.
"Her love was pure, yet unwanted."
"Gently suffocating, / roughly cherishing."
I always love reading people's darker takes on love.
Thanks for sharing
Came here from Pending because I really loved the poetry there and I'm glad to say I love this too!
I really like the opening "How far can a breath stretch?/ Bend, break or mould?"
Great way to get everyone hooked for the rest of the poem.
I also really like how you show the poem slowly getting darker, and the contrast in all the lines.
"Her love was pure, yet unwanted."
"Gently suffocating, / roughly cherishing."
I always love reading people's darker takes on love.
Thanks for sharing
I love your descriptions. They are so powerful.
Greetings fellow poet! I must say, love is usually viewed to be so magical and affectionate that this twisted, yet very real and something that actually happens in real life kind of love is often not talked about so seeing this poem got me feeling all kinds of things! So A++++ for idea.
Another I love is the way poem flows. Short sentences with an umph in them!
The descriptive words you used is another great factor. And the ones you stringed together..just perfect. I love "gently suffocating", "pure yet unwanted" and "enough to swallow" (the idea of forced love swallowing people is weirdly scary which is why I love it)
Powerful, dark and well put. Excellent work!
thank you! I'm very glad you liked it. I quite enjoy darker takes on the concept of love-as it can be a dangerous beast, if left untamed. This was just something I typed out in a short timeframe, but I'm quite pleased with the result. I'm grateful for your review!
Hey there! This is a really interesting poem. I really like the story it tells, and how descriptive it is. I'm very glad I came across it!
The questions at the start of the poem are a good way to open, and I found myself asking them as well. It's a good thing for the reader to think about, and it leaves us to wonder about it as the poem goes on.
Another part that I found interesting was where you compared that love to the ocean tide: vast, but fierce, and more than strong enough to pull you under. It definitely sets the tone for where the story goes next, where love turns into something harder and darker. The retelling of the way love became hate is at the very heart of this poem.
This was a really chilling and effective way to end the poem, leaving no doubt about how she changed. I think it was a strong choice of words.
Thanks for sharing this. Great job on your writing!
- Shadow
Thank you! This is a wonderfully in-depth review. I'm glad you enjoyed my little poem!