Young Writers Society

Great job on your poem, I liked it a lot. You had a great use of periods and commas, and I loved the beginning.

It was interesting how your poem slowly got darker from.
Sinking like a storm,

Rising like the tide,

Enough to drown.

Enough to swallow.

Gently suffocating,

Roughly cherishing.

That was my favorite part.

I also really enjoyed the part about how far a breath can stretch.

How far can a breath stretch?

Bend, break or mould?

Can it fill a broken heart?

Will you let it?

It flows perfectly to the next part like your asking if you will let love in. Overall I really enjoyed it. Nice job, keep on writing!

- LUNARGIRL

Came here from Pending because I really loved the poetry there and I'm glad to say I love this too!
I really like the opening "How far can a breath stretch?/ Bend, break or mould?"
Great way to get everyone hooked for the rest of the poem.

I also really like how you show the poem slowly getting darker, and the contrast in all the lines.

"Her love was pure, yet unwanted."
"Gently suffocating, / roughly cherishing."

I always love reading people's darker takes on love.
Thanks for sharing

Came here from Pending because I really loved the poetry there and I'm glad to say I love this too!
I really like the opening "How far can a breath stretch?/ Bend, break or mould?"
Great way to get everyone hooked for the rest of the poem.

I also really like how you show the poem slowly getting darker, and the contrast in all the lines.

"Her love was pure, yet unwanted."
"Gently suffocating, / roughly cherishing."

I always love reading people's darker takes on love.
Thanks for sharing

I love your descriptions. They are so powerful.

Greetings fellow poet! I must say, love is usually viewed to be so magical and affectionate that this twisted, yet very real and something that actually happens in real life kind of love is often not talked about so seeing this poem got me feeling all kinds of things! So A++++ for idea.

Another I love is the way poem flows. Short sentences with an umph in them!

The descriptive words you used is another great factor. And the ones you stringed together..just perfect. I love "gently suffocating", "pure yet unwanted" and "enough to swallow" (the idea of forced love swallowing people is weirdly scary which is why I love it)

Powerful, dark and well put. Excellent work!

Hey there! This is a really interesting poem. I really like the story it tells, and how descriptive it is. I'm very glad I came across it!

How far can a breath stretch?

Bend, break or mould?

Can it fill a broken heart?

Will you let it?

Sinking like a storm,

Rising like the tide,

Enough to drown.

Enough to swallow.

Until she was gone.