Young Writers Society

Great job on these poems, I really liked them.

They were all so different and so interesting in there own why. I really liked this one,


"Who has the right to your time?

A lover, a father, a mother, a son?

Those who entertain,

those who comfort,

those who control?

When your all is given, nothing is lost,

yet all is lacking.

A jack of all trades leads a mundane life,

of insecurity and discontent,

of jealousy,

malnourished,

deprived.

Time is to be shared,

spent,

not given."


And this one,

"Smoke clouded mirrors,

seeping, soaking, searching, without a view.

Flooded airbags, pulsing and desperate.

Salted water forgotten,

left to boil

as the mouth dries."

I really liked how in this one you said "seeping, soaking, searching, without a view." It is written so powerful and it also makes me think of a car crash or that they ran off a road into a lake because it mention flooded airbags.

Really nice job on these. Can't wait to read what you write next.

Carpe diem,
LUNARGIRL

These are all really cool! My favourite is probably one of the last two.

The second to last one I assume is about a pair of gay lovers?

"well worn theology, irreplaceable/ yet outdated"
"torn through pages/of hand-picked beliefs"

(sidenote - do you know how people add quotes in those boxes in reviews? I can't figure out how to do it lol)

I love the last one too. "Time is to be shared, / spent, / not given" is such a beautiful sentiment and definitely something to live by.

The second poem definitely makes me think of a car crash. It's written in such an interesting and powerful way.
The third poem's really interesting too -

"Complacent in their tragedy. / Crushing, interlocked, unforgiving / yet merciful."
It really makes you think.

I couldn't tell you what the first one's about but it's written so beautifully.
My first thought on reading it was that it was someone dead who's wrongly found his way into heaven and has been tossed out.

It'd be cool to hear what you'd say these are all about - unless it's a secret so we can all make it up for ourselves (if it is - that's really cool too!). It'll be interesting to hear what other people think as well.

Thanks for sharing, I'll definitely be checking out anything else you write/ have already written.