Sometimes memories can be a curse...
Sometimes a blessing...
Reminding me of the moments in my life when I had hit rock bottom
Pushed so close to the edge
I could almost feel the rush of air welcoming my fall
Memories that would bring me back to those moments
And force me to my knees begging to forget...
But then,
There are the beautiful memories
The ones that bring an unexplained happiness
upon my being
Even though those moments are long gone,
I can still remember it like it only happened yesterday
The taste of the first kiss still on my lips,
The sun soaking into me
and penetrating my worries
as I lay on the cool grass of summer,
The wind whipping my hair
as I ran against it,
Screaming my victory to the heavens
of the tethered life
that I had left behind.
No matter how beautiful or painful
these memories may be,
Cherish them,
because they are part of our souls;
They help mold who we are,
and who we're going to become
for the rest of our Lives.
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138,191 Literary Works • 672,080 Reviews
Okay, when writing a sentience you always say it in one line, and not split it between two lines.
For example:
He was so sweet.
(Not)
He was
so sweet.
That was a bit of an exaggeration, but I think you get what I mean. But, other than that it wasn't all that bad. Keep on writing.
Hellooo DeeBee! =)
This is going to be a short review because the others already took care of the criticism and because I couldn't find anything wrong with this. =) This is a good write and I like the idea behind it and how you worked it out. Like Daisuki already said:
I totally agree with that and I enjoyed reading this. My favorite part would be:
Good work! I hope this helped a little!
-qaralynn-
Ah! Wow! You really had a nice flow, a nice rhythm here, and puctuation was pretty good too. Great job on those things! It was a pleasure to read. I liked the imagery a lot, and I think my favroite part would have to be:
Beautiful ^_^
Keep writing!
Dai
Hey there!
From here you can start a new paragraph, because its different from what you were talking before.First of all: As much as I love the plots related to memories, its kinda... over. Cliche, actually. :/ But ah, well! Lets see if you're poem's good enough to cover that up!
(o) You didn't have any puntuations. You know those physics textbooks? Sometimes, one line goes on and on for a whole paragraph with no commas or any puntuations. It becomes such a drag. Yours kinda did. Just a little bit!
(o) Well, your structure is a structure often used in poems, but, um, try putting things in one line, and not emphaising on the to much. That makes your poem seem lame.
(o)
Other than that, good work.
And you're poem just covered up for your cliche plot
Keep rhyming~
-JT.