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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
Hey DeeBee,
Sorry for the lateness of this review. I’ll do my best to give you some feedback now, but I should probably warn you that I’m not terribly experienced with poetry – so most of this review will be about the impressions this poem gave me and what, as a reader, I feel you could do to improve it.
Let’s start with overall impressions. I actually really quite liked this poem – the wording was very elegant and well-chosen, and I felt that the poem in itself had a really nice element of truth to it. It really strikes a chord with me, since, being a writer, I can appreciate the reality of bringing a character to life by writing them. ^_^ I felt that this was a really nice touch which brought your poem to life.
There was nothing which felt overwhelmingly cliché to me here, although I did feel that to make this poem even better, you could have added a little more solidity. The images I gained in my mind from this poem were quite soft and sketchy – a nice tone, but could have done with strengthening. I think this could be expanded on, with a clearer imagine of this character slowly coming to life, a warmer, more solid entity.
Another thing which I felt could have been more solid was the structure of the poem. Generally the flow wasn’t too interrupted, but at the same time, didn’t have quite so much direction as it could have done. Perhaps you could have tried expanding on it and splitting it up into stanzas, with more breaks where it feels natural? Capitalisation, too – it seems a bit odd how the beginnings of some lines are capitalised and others aren’t.
This is a pretty basic review, I realise; it’s difficult to go into too much depth when it’s already going in such a nice direction. My general advice would just be to keep expanding on it and fleshing out this image of a story/character being brought to life through writing – trying to solidify this image and impression a little more in the reader’s mind, perhaps.
Feel free to PM me/post on my wall if you have any questions.
~Niebla~
I absolutely loved it! Just watch out for the capitalization though.