Gray Daze, Chapter Three - Lemon-Yellow Leaves,Pt.1

Hey! I totally understand that you want to take this down for edits
I'm going to write a super quick review for you just so we can get this out of the green room!

Unfortunately without any of the work to go off of, I can't comment on any of your actual prose, but I can offer some general editing tips in case you see this and in case that is helpful to you!

Especially if this is a first draft, when you go to edit try to think big picture. Make sure all of your main characters have clear wants and clear things standing in the way of those wants and it's clear why it matters. Make sure each scene is driving that plot forward and make sure the characters are happening to the plot and the plot not happening to the characters. (The characters should have agency and they should be the ones moving things forward not endless things happening to them). Make sure there's an overall arc for the story. I personally like to use beat sheets when I edit (I'm a pantser at heart for first drafts so they're not helpful to me then :p) to make sure I'm hitting all of the major points of the story.

Once you hit all the big picture things, then look at what I think of as medium level things. Are you describing and showing and do the words jump off the page? Then from there move into the small sentence level things like am I using strong verbs? Am I using active voice rather than passive voice? Have I taken out filter verbs and filler words? Stuff like that.

Happy to talk more about editing if that's helpful to you! I hope this isn't too redundant of information for you Again, I wanted to get this out of the green room for you while you edit!

Yay, another chapter! I also love the name of this chapter

Ooh, another perspective! I think you did a nice job with this chapter; it wasn't too fast paced or too slow paced. I like how we got to learn about Eva - you characterized her nicely in this chapter. I also like how we got to meet her friend, and your scenes all felt relatable and like they could actually happen. Nice job! I really liked this chapter. I'm going to point out some grammar things, if you don't mind. I apologize if I'm being too nitpicky; I only want to help! <33

It’s only the first day and I'm already skipping.

But my mom’s just started a job for the first time since ..well I’m not exactly sure since when, but I haven’t had the house only for myself in ages, so it’s totally worth not going to school.

Should be okay,right?

It was unusually sunny today.

I'm sitting on оur small porch, reading Tess of the d'Urbervilles

There isn't much traffic in the afternoon,so they don't care.

I don't remember where this big dog- with its scruffy red coat came from.

she was a male at first . Mrs. Jenkins , the old lady

I' m trying to catch the wind, so I inhale as deeply as possible.

I sometimes feel like she’s reading from the same script every single day and we're all in the same play.

I'm constantly trying to change my lines, but life won't have it

I just need a break sometimes.The world can be very overwhelming from where I stand.

I decided to keep my promise , so I came to school.

“ And where were you yesterday, girl?”

I gesture vaguely .

Where.

And if she can’t - no one does. ‘

Thank you very much. “ .

but I’d never give up eating a chocolate cake for anything in the world.

And I mean really- anything- there’s nothing better than sweets.