Hey! I totally understand that you want to take this down for edits
I'm going to write a super quick review for you just so we can get this out of the green room!
Unfortunately without any of the work to go off of, I can't comment on any of your actual prose, but I can offer some general editing tips in case you see this and in case that is helpful to you!
Especially if this is a first draft, when you go to edit try to think big picture. Make sure all of your main characters have clear wants and clear things standing in the way of those wants and it's clear why it matters. Make sure each scene is driving that plot forward and make sure the characters are happening to the plot and the plot not happening to the characters. (The characters should have agency and they should be the ones moving things forward not endless things happening to them). Make sure there's an overall arc for the story. I personally like to use beat sheets when I edit (I'm a pantser at heart for first drafts so they're not helpful to me then :p) to make sure I'm hitting all of the major points of the story.
Once you hit all the big picture things, then look at what I think of as medium level things. Are you describing and showing and do the words jump off the page? Then from there move into the small sentence level things like am I using strong verbs? Am I using active voice rather than passive voice? Have I taken out filter verbs and filler words? Stuff like that.
Happy to talk more about editing if that's helpful to you! I hope this isn't too redundant of information for you Again, I wanted to get this out of the green room for you while you edit!
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