One were we a long time ago, but now we are two, never to meet again.
A hammer from the heavens smashed us apart and sent her hurtling away.
A miracle stopped her from flying any further.
Now we face each other for all of eternity.
My days are spent waiting for nightfall, for she arrives when the sun sleeps.
My nights are spent staring at her with little hope and a lot of remorse.
The night sky has many more twinkling lights, perhaps these are cursed lovers too.
Her shining body gives light to our children in the most dangerous time of day.
Many ages after our our separation my grey skin turned a sparkling blue.
Ages on lush greenery emerged, our children were born.
It must be a gift from her, a sacrifice, for her skin has always remained a fractured grey.
Yet the unrelenting shine of her body in the night means her soul still survives.
How I wish to reach out to her when her body sheds each night, only to be reborn nights later.
It must hurt to shed day by day like she does, yet no sound escapes her eternally shut lips.
Not long ago a time came when I would have a chance to meet her.
My children flew out to their lost mother, taking a part of me with them.
A small part of me was placed upon her, would she still remember me?
The following night she shone brighter than ever.
A part of her was brought to me too, oh how it felt to be one again if only for a moment.
How long must we wait to meet again and become whole?
The answer to my question can never be what I desire.
Many eons ago another hammer from the heavens came and killed almost all of our children.
Were we to meet, were we to become one then our children would die, never to return.
As even long ago when we were one, no children did we bear, our skin lay dead with fire and dust.
Yet our bondage will grow evermore.
Many of my children will soon return to their mother and this time stay there.
I pray one day her skin will no longer be the cursed grey it has stayed for so long.
One day a lush green body will stare at me as I at her, then I will feel complete.
I really liked this overall, although I agree it sounds choppy at points. I'm surprised at the confusion of the theme, given the title and content (then again it relates to my major so maybe that's why).
It's an interesting idea, relating the earth and moon as lovers, especially since the earth is usually portrayed as feminine in mythology. The bit that confuses me is the end...are you saying permanent moon settlements are imminent? And I have doubts from a scientific perspective about making the moon green. Just out of curiosity, have you read anything by Sylvia Engdahl? The theme of advancing society via space exploration is a huge part of her books, especially "The Far Side of Evil".
Spoiler
Back to the piece itself, you have some great imagery. I especially like the skin of fractured grey and "our skin lay dead with fire and dust". I also loved the metaphor of stars and cursed lovers. Overall, a lovely piece with an intriguing message. Great job and keep writing!
this is very good. at points i catch glimpses of one thing and then its gone. its so hard to determine what it is you are talking about. everything is shrouded in mystery which i think is very good. This poem can mean very many things. on the one hand it seems like its about a dead wife then the part of the children born long ago and stuff confuses me, i actually thought at some points he was a tree or something, wierd, anyhow the part about them being grey also adds to this confusion. Don't get me wrong, its actually very debateable which is good.
Wow I really liked this.
At places I felt as if it lacked a certain ring that poetry should have, like some of the lines are a little too long and lack that - punch -, if you get me.
I really loved the way you worded things though. I'm not sure what these two "people" are meant to be, and that just made it so much more interesting.
I could really feel the sadness too. It was really beautiful.
The descriptions were gorgeous and I wish I could figure out what these two separated lovers are meant to be, though maybe it was your intention to make that indiscernible?
Overall really good job. Though I think to gain that ring that poetry seems to need you might want to shorten/"cut and paste (or move)" a few lines