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125,005 Literary Works • 672,794 Reviews
Hi, Dannie!
I like this a lot. It reminded me of a book titled Steal Like an Artist by Austin Kleon (I recommend picking up a copy if you haven't yet), and it basically comprises how all artists are thieves because all art is reliant on inspiration from elsewhere and some are just better at stealing than others.
Any how, I was able to mentally follow the poem through until the ending stanza, where things kind of didn't flow so well. I'm confused about the message you are sending there, which leads me to blank on on the prior message in the prior stanzas. Your ending should tie your poem together; it's your last impression and parting thoughts, and you want to leave us with something to think about there, especially in a poem with such great power to influence (as we're all artists of sorts here!). I think you have potential. I think you can, and should, expand this poem to contain more ideas to better drive your point home.
June
Hi, DannieInkblotHanson.
I'm GeeLyria and I'm here to review for you tonight.
Like the person bellow me mentioned, this poem has character. That is captivating, from my perspective, because somehow, it makes it easy to read. However, I have no idea who you are talking to or what you're talking about in this poem. And as far as I could comprehend, you didn't mention it or give any sort of hint. Poetry is lovely when it's cryptic and mysterious. Although, this piece is not thought-provocative at all... it just left me clueless.
Don't get me wrong, though! I'm not talking about your poetic skills, I'm talking about the meat of the poem and what I think it lacks. In other words, I believe this has potential but it lacks some information in order for people, who don't know anything about you or what's going on, understand.
And that's my grain of sand, so I'm out. Keep Writing!
~GeeLyria
Hm...so this is a plan to stop would-be book thieves? I don't know if it would actually work (thieves are not always the most literate bunch), but it would certainly make them think! I'm about to be somewhat nit-picky for Review Day and to rescue this from the Green Room.
The lines here seem somewhat disconnected. I understand short and choppy rhyme schemes are hard to work with, but maybe that can be fixed. I think it's "A fool to hide" that's tripping me up most. Unfortunately, I don't have any suggestions.
This one's awkwardly worded as well. I think the first line could be "Leave it and wonder". You could rework the other lines too.
Overall, this is cute and seems to serve its purpose. Some small changes could make it better. Good job and keep writing!
I had to read this several time, it has a lot of character! I like how it rhymes just slightly. I see no spelling errors. You do need to add punctuation, which will maybe take a minute at most. I have taken today to follow anyone I review, so consider yourself followed
. I am curious to know your inspiration, do you like to paint perhaps? But anyone, either than punctuation, this is a great piece. Good Job! 