Life’s Stage
A single tear ran down your cheek
The last you would ever shed,
For far too soon you would be taken
And the stage covered in red.
|
Even as you danced and sung,
Upon the oaken floor,
A grim figure descended behind you
And at last, you shall sing no more.
|
And the audience rose up,
Shouting with words of rage,
As the strongest bonds where cut;
As the curtains fell down on the stage.
|
Our time is too short,
Too frail, and too brief,
And all who dance to this tune
End in sorrow and grief.
|
For this is our life,
Dancing in ecstasy,
Yet only those who leave this stage
Are ever truly free.
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140,922 Literary Works • 673,737 Reviews
Hi, Cyfer... your name just reminded me of Cypher by BTS!!!! thanks for the name
Now.. the poem. The title is clear and simple...which makes it a good title, i think. But..im sorry i couldn't really get to the point of the poem. Especially the first three stanzas made me sort of confused and i couldn't figure out what they actually meant.
In the first stanza, the line -
"For far soon you would be taken"
I dont get why "far" and "too soon" are sitting together. They can, of course...but i think, you should make it more clear.
Also, although its not that important, i think you could use a comma after "For"
In the first line...
" A single tear run..."
I would likt it tobe "One single tear..."..cus i tjink.. the word one emphasizes the mood more...
For the 2nd and 3rd stanzas, i would say, you can make the idea more precise.
However, i loved the last two stanzas - the two gave me a particular theme which i couldnt quite in the first three.
That will be all from me. Keep on doing the great work! ☺
Wow, that was really well written. I really like the message you are sending through this poem. Also, I think that the poem flows nicely. Finally, contrary to what skylnn00writes said about the line "and the stage covered in red" I do think it fits well there.(Sorry if this review wasn't too helpful. I was just really good, so there wasn't much to comment on.)
Thanks for the review
"As the strongest bonds where cut;" Did you mean to write were cut? I feel like this might fit it better.
The deeper metaphorical meaning this song has with life is just... I don't even know how to describe it in words - super emotional. I didn't catch that until the end with the last verse, but I absolutely loved this as a whole. The only other thing I will comment on is that I didn't understand "And the stage covered in red." in the very beginning. I'm sure that it is clear but I myself do not understand where it comes from and personally do not think it fits the piece. Either way, you are an amazing writer and I want to read more of your work.
I hope this review is helpful to you
Thank you!