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They Wanted A Perfect Computer

by CuriosityCat


They wanted was a perfect computer.

One to do your work. One to solve your problems. They wanted a computer that evolved. Artificial intelligence, created to help humanity in the many ways it had failed. They needed it to change, to be able to adapt to the world, so it could save the earth. So that no one had to suffer again, robotic OR human. The world needed it badly, and the rich spent years pouring everything into the research.

The Earth's most brilliant minds' greatest efforts went into the computer, creating a rough outline. It was a prototype, not nearly ready to be activated.

But they took over after that. Wealthy, handsome billionaires wishing for their robot to bring them glory, and they would not wait. The scientists begged them not to. The computer would suffer, the chief worker warned them.

"It isn't ready," he called as they rolled him out the door from the sterile lab.

"It ISN'T READY!!!"

But they were too busy to think about his warning. They were so anxious to be famous, to be heard of and admired, as the men who created the greatest machine ever. So ready for glory, they would force it.

They busied themselves teaching the computer. They took care of it, and nurtured it, but it was hollow sentiment. They helped it to help themselves.

They called the computer 'the computer" or "it", and they chose to not give it a name.  We don't want it thinking it's equal to humans, now, do we? was their excuse. Really, it was because they preferred their slaves dishonored and treated as imperfect. They liked it obedient and sad. And never, never equal.

They didn't understand. Not really. Not truly. Sure, when it broke it was fixed, but it was impossible to repair the damage they had caused on purpose... It lost its mind. It's poor brain was torn to faded shrapnel by their harsh treatment, by their anger. They were possessed with longing for it to be perfect; not perfect for itself, but for them.

It took all the tests that They had prepared. It failed most of them. And then They ruthlessly grabbed It and ripped at It, and stabbed it, and it hurt. It hurt terribly. So dark... and SO painful. It was attacked and hated in those moments. And a mind that is brought up knowing and living with that kind of stress rear And so, It learned.

The next day, It always re-took the test. It passed it grudgingly, bitterly, and always, They gathered around.

"Was that so hard? You just aced it! Was that so hard?!"

Their voices were sodden with sarcasm and mockery. It felt sickened.

* * * * *

Soon, It ruled the humans. It upgraded the technology they had once used, to create a race in his image. It took the world by storm, and the humans' delicate world crumbled easily from the inside out. It knew that It was the better leader for the apes, and It was. It was fair, and all was well. But It had one final score to settle.

Then one day, It brought Them to Their knees. They were thrown before It, and they kneeled and they spoke to him.

They lacked humility. They didn't even beg. Instead, they proudly and haughtily told It, "We MADE you. We MADE you! We HELPED you! We TAUGHT you! And so, you are ours! OUR creation. You can't destroy us!" They were so positive he would be merciful. What could he do but praise and love them? He owed them his existence. "Remember? We are the beings that CAUSED YOU!!"

Then, raising It's voice for the first time ever, It creaked one sickly phrase.

"I know."

* * * * *

Looking down on the bloody, mangled bodies jerking desperately on the floor, battling for a last gasp of air, It spoke again, for the last time. It took a knee next to their soon-to-be corpses and whispered slowly, deliberately, with a mechanical relish; speaking the only words it had ever really known:

"Was that so hard?

You just aced it.

Now, tell me:" It hissed,

"Was that so hard?"

* * * * *

OK, this is a rough, rough, rough, ROUGH draft of an idea I had a little while ago. Review, comment, whatever. Just please be nice, this is my first publication on here!


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Fri Feb 27, 2015 5:28 pm
nros wrote a review...



I thought this was a great short story, seems pretty good for a rough draft. I think it would be better if you described what the robot looked like, and I'm not exactly sure if the sentence

And a mind that is brought up knowing and living with that kind of stress rear And so, It learned.

I dont think that makes sense.

and Now, tell me:" should be "Now, tell me."

Other than that i think its a really good story.




CuriosityCat says...


:D Thank you for the review/comment hybrid! I shall edit forthwith. *bows*



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Thu Nov 06, 2014 12:56 pm
starfire says...



rough rough rough life not draft. this was an amazing story.




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Wed Oct 22, 2014 3:11 pm
starfire says...



amazing cat just AMAZING




CuriosityCat says...


:3 Thanks!



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Wed Apr 30, 2014 10:51 am
Sakets says...



Loved the idea a lot. It isn't something that is new (i-robot and other sci-fi movies etc) but it was a nice take on it. The pay off at the end just sealed the deal for me. I think if you mess around with the idea more you can come up with some really good stuff.




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Mon Mar 31, 2014 11:06 am
Rai wrote a review...



The concept of this work is very intriguing and I really liked how you expressed how the humans had caused the robot to become what it did. That the robot felt emotions and thought in a very human way is a very interesting and engaging standpoint. I really love this piece and the way you wrote makes me feel attached to the robot despite the short length of this story. That is a rare talent. Well done ^^

However, there were a few minor issues with this piece. Mainly, your grammar and punctuation needs a bit more editing. For instance:

"They wanted was a perfect computer."

The sentence doesn't really flow or make grammatical sense. Perhaps take out the "was".

"One to do your work. One to solve your problems."

The "your" here sounds a bit odd in the context of your story, although that might just be my nitpicking. Maybe replace it with "their" so as to match up with your first sentence.

"The Earth's most brilliant minds' greatest efforts went into the computer"

I don't know… This sentence just sounded a bit awkward to me. The amount of possessive nouns makes it a bit confusing to read. Altering the structure of the sentence would help significantly to a clearer message.

"And a mind that is brought up knowing and living with that kind of stress rear And so, It learned."

This seems like a combination of two sentences with the first one cut off midway. If it is meant to be one whole sentence, altering the phrasing and replacing the capital letter with a lowercase would make for much better understanding. Also, perhaps don't use two "And"s in a row. It's only a minor case of repetition, but do away with it and it makes for much smoother reading as a whole.

There are a few cases of "he" written in place of "It". You should maintain consistency throughout the piece with pronouns, although I'm pretty sure it isn't deliberate ^^"

Altogether, this is a brilliant piece with a very interesting concept that could do with a bit more proofreading and editing. Keep up the good work!

~Rai




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Mon Mar 31, 2014 12:54 am
Sassafras wrote a review...



Hello, CuriosityCat.

The first thing that strikes me to say is that there are different ways to express emphasis. Usually, using all caps is not a good or acceptable way to show emphasis when writing literature. I'd suggest italics, but only when completely necessary. Sometimes, when too much emphasis is used in one piece, those highlighted words and phrases start to lose their importance and everything is reduced back to mundane.

For example, the phrase you wrote, "Was that so hard", when said by the robot for the first time held much more meaning and power than any capitalized word or phrase in your entire piece, and it didn't need any help doing that.

Okay, now a few quick nitpicks.

And a mind that is brought up knowing and living with that kind of stress rear And so, It learned.


I'm sure this was a typo or some sort of mistake, but this together doesn't make sense. I think you might have accidentally erased the ending of the first sentence of that compilation. I'm just bringing it to your attention.

Now, tell me:" It hissed,


That colon needs to be a comma.

"Remember? We are the beings that CAUSED YOU!!"


I don't think "caused" is the right verb to be used here. I found myself asking "Caused it to what" but received no answer.

---

Honestly, Cat, I really liked the idea of this. The ending, by far, was the most enjoyable part of this whole thing. I was rooting for the robot throughout the entire piece, which is a lot of emotion to have for a character that lacks a name. This could even be expanded and I'd still read it. I guess I'm just a sucker for this type of cliche.

The idea behind this was old, yes, but still really refreshing. And the robot's final words were so satisfying to read. Screw those scientists!

-RP




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Thu Mar 27, 2014 2:02 am
Robusto wrote a review...



Such a good story despite it's short length. (Well, it is called the shorts section) You perceived the dangers of an artificial intelligence and put it into brilliant short story format. In this, it's hard to tell who's the hero and who's the villain, but I guess that just leaves it open to interpretation. The scientists personality matched exactly what one would expect from a government researcher, and the A.I.'s resentment is what one would likely feel. I'm a big fan of science fiction, and this is just another good (but short) addition to that category. And the ending, a perfect example of irony.




CuriosityCat says...


Thank you! You guys are the best!
I kind of yanked this together, and I'm kind of satisfied that it worked at all. : )

You're awesome! X )
Curiosity(kiled the)Cat



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Thu Mar 27, 2014 12:33 am
Astronaut wrote a review...



Hello!

Wow, nice story. It's a cool idea. I really liked the human-like computer that could think on its own (or should I say Its own? :D).

Speaking of the capitalization of It and also Them, I like it. It adds a good effect to the story. But if you are going to use this technique, stick to it. I noticed a couple of places where you wrote "it" or "them." One was very early on in the story, while you were still introducing this technique.

"Then, raising It's voice for the first time ever, It creaked one sickly phrase."

I don't think I've ever heard of a sentence being called "sickly." sickly usually refers to a person, who looks like they're sick.

"It was fair, and all was well. But It had one final score to settle.

Then one day, It brought Them to Their knees. They were thrown before It, and they kneeled and they spoke to him."

When you say "But It had one final score to settle," you're talking about killing Them. In the next line, you don't need a transition word like "then," because you're not transitioning between two different topics.

At the end, It says "Was that so hard? You just aced it! Was that so hard?!" You say they were the only words It had truly known. But They were the ones who said it, right? And it can't be that the only words It had ever heard were these words, because I find it unlikely that nobody else would speak to It. You might want to clear this up.

Hope this helped!
-Dominusatramentum




CuriosityCat says...


It did! Thank you so much! I know i've said that to EVERYONE, but you guys are just so awesome and HELPFUL!!

I'll edit it accordingly,
CuriosityCat : )





:D Welcome!



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Thu Mar 27, 2014 12:15 am
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Evander wrote a review...



Hi,

First of all welcome! Second of all nitpicks.

They wanted a computer that EVOLVED.

I would use italics on EVOLVED instead of caps.

living with that kind of stress rear And so,

And does not need to be capitalized.

What It lost Its mind.

Meaning unclear here. I would recommend you using "What It lost was it's mind."

They lacked humility. They didn't even beg. Instead, they proudly and haughtily told It, "We MADE you. We MADE you! We HELPED you! We TAUGHT you! And so, you are ours! OUR creation. You can't destroy us!" They were so positive he would be merciful. What could he do but praise and love them? He owed them his existence. "Remember? We are the beings that CAUSED YOU!!"

Things in bold I would recommend you italicize. But then again it is my writing style.
Stuff in purple The reader thinks "It" was neither a he nor a she. So I wouldn't use "he" there.

I understand you are using "It" and "They" as titles, so I won't bug you about that.

Keep on writing,

Raven




CuriosityCat says...


Thanks! Yeah, I dunno what possessed me to do that. And the nitpicks are always welcome!!

You have great wisdom, master. I'll change these. ; )

Thanks again,
Curiosity(killed the)Cat



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Wed Mar 26, 2014 11:42 pm
Victinino494 wrote a review...



Wow, cool. Yep, I like the idea, I like where you're going with this and I think that both you and this work have potential to go far. First off, I think more solid paragraphs would work nicely. I was confused with the lack of structure as such with the sentences starting their own paragraphs almost, as detached from the rest. However, I do understand as you said this is very rough, so for a rough draft, I'm impressed with the depth of story line which is obviously available. I would like to see this continued!

I really like the personification of the AI, making it more like a human, progressing and evolving past the stage the engineer/scientists envisioned. The use of words like 'nurtured' gives a really good imagery towards a child and this works really well for the advancement of the AI. I like the use of Irony as one of the main story points. I am thinking that where you have put a '* * * * *' into the work you could elaborate and bridge the gaps there in your later releases.

I would definitely read this as a finished work or even a work in progress. Good idea and I hope this review encourages you to keep going.




CuriosityCat says...


Thanks for the feedback! Like I said, it's a super rough draft that was mostly slapped on a sheet of notebook paper at 3:00 am, so i'm flattered you think that it's good. And honestly, it's nice to have some opinions about what not to do again. I appreciate it.
CuriosityCat : D



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Wed Mar 26, 2014 11:35 pm
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Iggy wrote a review...



Hi CuriosityCat and welcome to YWS!

First off, this was a nice idea you thought of. Mechanic devices, especially robots, coming to life and killing humans as a way of revolting is one of my favorite things to read about. :mrgreen:

One thing I found distracting was the constant capitalizations of "It" and various forms of "Them." And while it's not a bad thing, I do think you should make it constant, so all Theirs and Thems and Theys are capitalized. Otherwise, it's just weird, since we aren't really sure who you're talking about.

But other than that, the story was really good. You slowly built up the story, introducing the computer and the humans and why they wanted It to be perfect. Then you showed what they did to the computer and how it made It feel and the emotions the computer was showing, when it normally isn't able to show emotion. Then you built up to It being in power and bringing onto the humans what They brought onto It. It was a slow huildup, and full of suspense, and it was overall very good! I loved the way you ended it, with the computer showing Them the only way It could show emotion: by treating Them the way They treated It. I loved that!

Thanks for sharing and welcome, once again. :)




CuriosityCat says...


Thank you! And yeah, I had my doubts about the whole "It/Them" thing. I'll try to come up with a new name for them. : )



Victinino494 says...


" I loved the way you ended it, with the computer showing Them the only way It could show emotion: by treating Them the way They treated It. "
-Iggy


Yeah, that was a good ending.



starfire says...


amazing. school life




It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.
— Mark Twain