I love this poem. Just a few comments.
1. Why's it named "Selkie"?
2. Love your avvie <3
3. Keep Writing!
The ocean dances behind my eyes,
the billowing waves waltzing and weaving,
back and forth to their own rhythmic song.
I hear the sea all the time, whispering in my ears.
It tells me stories of mermaids and Atlantis,
of magical reefs and hidden treasures.
I am, in a word,
Marine.
I see the majestic kelp forest in every tree,
the delicately waving anemone in every blossom.
Every bird is an angelfish,
flitting through the reefs and treetops.
Every star is a jellyfish,
floating gracefully through the black night sky.
The ocean stretches out to greet me,
running a cool breeze through my hair like comforting fingers.
A strand tickles my face, and I smile warmly.
The skin of my bare arms stretches and purrs like a comfortable cat.
I tilt my face to the sky and spread my arms wide in joy,
running to meet the aquamarine expanse ahead.
As I plunge into the ocean's warm embrace,
I whisper to myself,
Welcome home.
I love this poem. Just a few comments.
1. Why's it named "Selkie"?
2. Love your avvie <3
3. Keep Writing!
Hi there, @CuriosityCat (let me just say that I like your username teehee).
Honestly, I loved the poem so much! You write it like a pro. It's that kind of poem that has simple statements in it but if you observe thoroughly, there's so much in each line. Like there's so much emotions and feelings that you can only get if you've got a great imagination. And my imagination was brought up by this poem. It made me feel like I was watching the sunset on a cold, windy day.
But what I loved the most was the last part.
"I tilt my face to the sky and spread my arms wide in joy,
running to meet the aquamarine expanse ahead.
As I plunge into the ocean's warm embrace,
I whisper to myself,
Welcome home."
Those lines made me think of paradise and like everything's blue and everything's fresh and all! Two thumbs up for Selkie!
Hi, I'm LeeLee, and I originally was just going to comment, but it started sounding like a review, so I went with it. This was just wonderful! I personally love the beach and the ocean, and your descriptions were simply beautiful.
The only things that I think could be improved upon is a few words throughout your poem that would make it sound better, and one grammatical error.
"I hear the sea all the time, whispering in my ears."
Instead of "I hear the sea all the time," I would put something like "I always hear the sea." I don't have an exact reason for changing the wording on that part; it just sounds odd.
"The ocean stretches out to greet me,"
Instead of "stretches" I would use "reaches" because to me, visualizing the ocean reaching as compared to stretching matches the visual image that I think would be more easily associated with the ocean.
"The skin of my bare arms stretches and purrs like a comfortable cat."
The only bit on this is that "stretch" and "purr" would be the proper tense of the words.
"I tilt my face to the sky and spread my arms wide in joy,"
Instead of "in joy" I'd use "with joy" only because it has better sound to it.
Other than that, I LOVED it!!!!! Please, please, keep on writing!
-LeeLee
The ending made my head go all tingly. I loved this, and I'm not always that found of poetry, so yeah. XD Keep poeting, my friend!
Thanks! I love your avatar, by the way. "Lemme 'splain. No. It's too long. Let me sum up..." XD
Hi there!
It's been quite a while since I reviewed poetry, and I don't have much to offer in terms of a review. But I do have something to say, so here I go.
I don't know if you saw, but Tenyo said this poem makes them feel hopelessly nostalgic for something they have never had. Which I think is accurate. This is an incredibly nostalgic poem with imagery that adds to that feeling.
That being said, as I read through it, there are just a few changes I think could be made to a) tighten it up and b) strengthen it. All are small changes that involve pruning a few words here and there. Now, this could be a stylistic preference thing, and I would definitely get a second opinion before making any changes (particularly if you disagree with them). However, I'll try my best to explain my choices.
The first thing is actually not a deletion but simply a suggestion for reconfiguration. The first line, "the ocean dances behind my eyes" is so extremely powerful that I feel it needs to stand alone. I'm not suggesting you get rid of the next two lines; I'm just suggestion separating them with an extra line space, like so:
The ocean dances behind my eyes:
the billowing waves waltzing and weaving
back and forth to their own rhythmic song.
running a breeze like fingers through my hair.
The Little Prince rocks!) I appreciate the help. I'll definitely revise this poem. :3 Might I first say that I enjoy this piece quite a bit. It's beautifully versed and the rhythm fits perfectly. The imagery you used is striking and detailed, creating vivid images.
A personal favorite was "every star is a jellyfish." It gave the striking notion of the bark ocean and the graceful floating of a jellyfish stuck in it.
All in all I love this poem and have no qualms with it. Great job, keep writing.
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