Take a look in front of you
and tell me what it is you see.
Do you wear a filtered lens or
see you colors just like me?
.
What I see is blackness, darling,
what I see is purple-blue.
See you not the bruises nor the
drooping eyes just like I do?
.
"What I see are eyes," you say,
"and what I see is plainly skin."
See you not the creatures clawing
from beneath the wrinkled lids?
.
Strip away whatever filter
separates you from the world.
Look at all the colors blooming
from their toenails to their curls.
.
Take a look in front of you
and tell me what those colors are.
"White," you say. What kind of white?
"Just white like any other star."
.
What I see are ashes, honey,
what I see is flame gone old.
Look beneath the dusty surface;
there, I see the glowing coals.
.
"Why must there be redness?" say you.
"Why not simply leave it white?"
Redness -- it means embers, and
an ember means it may relight.
.
Strip away whatever filter
leaves you all but colorblind.
Feel the fev'rish hope in you
with open heart and open mind.
.
Take a look in front of you
and tell me: What shade stains a kiss?
"Pink," you say. "Or maybe red."
Red? "Or orange. Orange bliss."
.
What I see is orange, sweetie.
What I see is what you know.
Look on past the orange, now,
and tell me why it's colored so.
.
"Red is love," you say at once,
"and yellow... Well, it's simply there."
See you not beyond the color?
See you not of yellow's dare?
.
Strip away whatever filter
shields all meaning from your mind.
Dip your hand into the lake and
of its muddy depths you'll find.
.
Take a look in front of you
and tell me of those bloodshot eyes.
"Red..." you say, "a crimson pained,
so chilly it could wilt the skies."
.
What I see is crimson, too.
"And what I see are angry maps...
Looks like someone needs to follow.
Make that choice and not turn back..."
.
"Is this what it's like," you ask,
"to tear the galaxy to shreds,
to strip your filtered vision bare
and look beyond with heart and head?"
.
"Strip away whatever filter
dampens of this awful world.
This is what you're breathing for:
to watch the skies with mind unfurled."
.
Take a look in front of you
and tell me what it is you see.
Do you wear a filtered lens or
see you people just like me?
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In review I want to clarifye a thing. I myself is not so good in penning but I can feel by reading.
A reader loose interest if any piece of writing is toooooo long and yes your penned piece is so long that though your piece is nicely written . Reader can get bored . It's a beautiful poem Really but can be read once only. . Keep writing. Blessings!
Hey! I am here to review your work!
First, I like the poem. But it needs to be separated, most people don't like big chunks of writing in poems.
Your imagery and words are good. It flows well. It's nice. It's beautiful. The message your trying to get a cross is nice.
Everything is good, besides the big chunk you wrote it like.
Keep up the good work! Keep writing!
-Ronan
Thanks! Yea, I tried separating it, but the YWS publishing center editing thing just won't let me separate stanzas. Hm. Maybe I'll try putting like a dot in between each one...
Thanks for the feedback!
Hey there! I am here to review your poem.
Actually, I have read this long before I made this review because, I had to admit, the big chunk of poetry just pushed me away. You probably need to fix that by for example, cutting out unimportant lines or separating your poem into stanzas. Big chunks don't really work for most people usually.
I read this again because I was bored and wanted to review something in the Green Room. I have to admit, I didn't regret not reading this! It was a fun read, and your descriptive imagery and words just keep flowing. It's nice and beautiful. I can read the message you're trying to show everybody hear, the colors, et cetera. I am, personally, a writer who thinks that color is as important as the feelings of my characters. I think maybe it's because Markus Zusak's writing in The Book Thief has influenced me, and I am very grateful that you view colors so vividly! It's sort of like a tribute to the great author.
I have nothing to complain about except maybe the big chunk, and that's it! It's awesome, don't worry.
As always, happy writing~
Aw you're so sweet thank you!!
I'm gonna go fix the stanza problem rn lol you're right the lengthy chunk of words could be off-putting xD