Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
For Anna, who was right all along.
Butterfly, butterfly. That's what you are.
You and your wings in your fruit-laden world...
Sweetie, you're nothing without a new bud
to land on. You take from the clam just the pearl.
Butterfly, butterfly, rest up your wings --
They're beautifully painted with blue, pink, and red.
They're tragically mangled so that you can't fly
for more than a moment before you drop dead.
Butterfly, butterfly, once you've run out
of nectar to drink from the delicate lily,
you move on to a rose where the pollen is fresh
and the cycle continues. It never ends, really.
Butterfly, butterfly, just leave the corpse
of the flower to wilt, rot, and stink in the cold.
Please, take your time, but don't leave with a start --
abandonment tactics will soon become old.
Butterfly, butterfly, suck like a leech
what little energy I may have left.
When I can no longer be of your service
fly away violently... I'll catch my breath.
Butterfly, butterfly, somehow you've left me
with bruised-petal eyelids and torn open chest.
My guts hang like pumpkin right out of dry skin.
Where my heart once was, there's now nothing left.
Butterfly, butterfly, I've given up
on trying and failing to catch your attention.
Butterfly, butterfly, sometimes a flower
must perk up and stage its own grand intervention.
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139,820 Literary Works • 672,772 Reviews
Hey,
Curiosity here.
Okay, so this was a very soothing poem for me, and I enjoyed reading it. CupcakeQueen, I think your repetition here was a good choice. Then soon it became quite sad, but you made it in a way where it was still beautiful- well done. I like how your poem really flowed, and I was really taken with it.
I love how you ended-
Butterfly, butterfly, I've given up
on trying and failing to catch your attention.
Butterfly, butterfly, sometimes a flower
must perk up and stage their own grand intervention.
I think that was a great way to end.
Amazingly done.
I look forward to reading more work you've done.
Curiosity
Aw. Thanks so much!
Hullo! And can I say wow? This is one of your best ones yet! (Though teenagers will always hold a special place in my heart, I really love those ones).
So, this poem is really symbolism thick. Comparing such a beautiful creature to someone who guts things is a concept that is not usually used in poetry. It's showing a kind of facade that is usually not seen. It's the concept that a weed disguised as a rose is far more poisonous than a weed that looks like a weed.
Yet I can tell you care about this butterfly, who only takes the best part of something for themselves. The way you yourself want to be noticed but are left in the dust (which, by the way, is very relatable) and your use of "sweetie" imply that. Not only that, but the way you call them beautiful (of course, that could be the rose-weed thing). So that makes the poem, especially the ending, a little more painful to read.
Now back to symbolism! Argh!
THEN you comparing the butterfly to a leech and a sort of clam-harvester is pretty genius. The last bit I mentioned is kind of not understandable in the review box, but I understand that you're trying to say that they only take the best part, the most valuable part of a person, and leave the rest behind. And that's really great symbolism.
However, there's this one image I don't get. The jello comparison. Everything else seems pretty nature-centered, so it doesn't really fit into your theme here (let's call it that). I suggest you change that bit.
Now, grammar:
Just punctuation stuff. I would say focus more on putting some commas where your periods are to continue the thoughts better, but you have no mistakes besides that. There's only one thing I would change flow-wise would be to take out 'grand' from the last line. Otherwise, great! Loved the poem! Hope this helped!
Thanks
I give you credit for the butterfly metaphor. You've been calling her that for years, and only recently did it really click.
Yea, I agree with the jello part. Not only is it hideous, and not even in a good way, but it doesn't relate with the whole nature theme. I already have a new one in mind... ;D
I do find myself struggling with punctuation in poetry. It seems like grammar is meant more to enhance the flow than anything. I definitely need to work on that.
As for "grand," I'm going to keep that in just because otherwise the last line would stray from the dactyl meter I have going.
Thanks so much for the review!!
FIXED THE JELLO PART and I actually like this new metaphor a lot better tbh.
Thx for the suggestion!
True...
I was always right, haha. And I love this new metaphor! Pumpkin guts are perfect. 
What is dactyl meter?
I actually had no clue what the different meters were until the other day when I was like "yannow what imma google these bc I'll need to know them if imma write poetry." Basically dactyl meter is like a waltz kinda one-two-three, one-two-three. There's emphasis on the first syllable and the next two lie flat, like:
Oh! And thank you fam I'm glad you liked the pumpkin guts thing haha.
"Butterfly, butterfly, I've given up"
/XX/XX/XX/
one-two-three, one-two-three, one-two-three, one.
Idk hope that helps.
Oo, waltzes! Love those.
That's very interesting! Definitely works here. Thanks for the knowledge!
(That last statement was very Ravenclaw)
HAHA true
Np fam!
Wow, I honestly do not know how to feel about this poem. It is not bad at all - quite the opposite actually.
At first, I started to feel really soft and great when I started to read it. It wants the butterfly to drink and be healthy or beautiful. Then my stomach churned and twisted from the imagery painted for the flower after the butterfly leaves. It was a tad bit scary.
I absolutely loved this poem! It has amazing imagery descriptions and the repetitions were constant and added to the already great flow going on. Overall, I love every part of it and I am looking forward to any future work from you
Aw thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it! This review is so sweet...
)
The poem is really nice
. I like how you say the colors of the butterfly's wings:
It feels really realistic and dramatic. I can feel like you want to get the attention of the butterfly. But the things is, they would just fly wherever they want haha
"Butterfly, butterfly, rest up your wings --
They're beautifully painted with blue, pink, and red."
Most of all, I like how you ended it.
"Butterfly, butterfly, I've given up
on trying and failing to catch your attention.
Butterfly, butterfly, sometimes a flower
must perk up and stage their own grand intervention."
A very good way to end the poem
Good job and I hope I can read your next work soon.
xoxo~
Kitty :3
And I'm glad you liked the ending! I was hoping it wasn't too cheesy after all that dramatic stuff in the beginning. ;D