z

Young Writers Society



Our Age

by Crunch


Late-night white light streams in through my window.

It's from a sign that advertises

N OW H I R I N G

A P P L Y W IT H I N

S T A R T I N G 7 . 5 0 / H O UR

all-new ways to sell your life

and watch your years waste away to nothing.

I have twenty-four-seven gasoline

and zero one-on-one connection.

I look at my reflection

stare into his eyes

and wonder how he's doing

out there,

in the world,

in our age.

I peer out the window

my vision filled with late-night light.

As far as I can see

nothing but concrete jungles and abstract worries

stainless steel and tainted souls

melting ice and frozen hearts

a place of

hubris

and hatred

and sin.

I am struck by the thought

that perhaps the world

just

isn't

good.

We all somehow find the will

to keep on going every day.

Maybe wisdom is believing

that we do control our lives

that our nature is to be kind

and we have simply lost our way.

Maybe wisdom is striving

to experience all you can of this life

before it all returns to dust.

Maybe wisdom is

closing your eyes

bringing focus to the breath

and remembering that no matter how bad things become

there is always a quiet stream out there

somewhere

waiting for you to find it

to sit on the bank and listen to the water

and let it bring you comfort

and peace.

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Points: 10954
Reviews: 67

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Mon May 03, 2021 8:00 pm
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deleted32 wrote a review...



Hiya Ashlyn here for a review!! Before I dive into it though please know that this review is not intended to offend you or make your writing look bad.

N OW H I R I N G

A P P L Y W IT H I N

S T A R T I N G 7 . 5 0 / H O UR

Well, let me tell you about caps and the proper usage of....jkjkjk. There are a few spacing issues here that could be changed like this:
NOW HIRING

APPLY WITHIN
STARTING 7. 50/HOUR

However that's just me, so feel free to disregard that and leave it as is :)

nothing but concrete jungles and abstract worries

stainless steel and tainted souls

melting ice and frozen hearts

Concrete jungles.
There's never been a more accurate description of cities then concrete jungles and the line 'abstract worries' is utter beauty.
Also the parallelism here is sheer genius.
stainless steel tainted souls
melting ice frozen
It implies that the world around man and his creations are perfect, stainless without flaw, whereas man himself is a tainted mess.
all-new ways to sell your life

and watch your years waste away to nothing.

I have twenty-four-seven gasoline

and zero one-on-one connection.

'Watch your tears waste away to nothing'.
That hit deeper then it should have. We live in a day and age where, more then anything, people are wasting their lives away for some hive mind gimmick called popularity, and their motivation to counter-culture just goes out the window.
Honestly, that's a theme I'd love to see expanded on and explored more, because it's something extremely relevant to today.
Now when you say 'zero-one-on-one connection I'm assuming your referring to internet, but what if you made it about real life relationships?
People struggle with friendships, marital relationships, now more then ever. We no longer know how to communicate without being at each others throats. We no longer know how to apologize.
It'd more depth to this already amazing poem.
Maybe wisdom is

closing your eyes

bringing focus to the breath

and remembering that no matter how bad things become

there is always a quiet stream out there

somewhere

waiting for you to find it

Perfect. Absolutely perfect <33 'Quiet stream' is an absolutely spot on way to describe peace.
Aaand that concludes this review. I hope you found it helpful <333
Please keep on writing masterpieces
-Ashlyn




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Points: 38
Reviews: 4

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Mon May 03, 2021 3:56 pm
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Nightk says...



i really liked it .... i mean it could make out a hit billboard song .... and i like your writing scheme ... keep it up thats all i got to say from my side




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Points: 200
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Mon May 03, 2021 2:18 pm
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Kat_Austen says...



This is so imaginative! It really encapsulates our society, doesn't it? I like your wording a lot as well, and the image you paint with your words!




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31 Reviews

Points: 51
Reviews: 31

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Mon May 03, 2021 6:20 am
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BlueGlow wrote a review...



Holy heck this is probably the best work I've read on this site so far! I love your visual imagery, the way the whole thing flows, it's absolutely brilliant! I love the way you have our narrator find solace at the end, despite all the junk they still find peace. This is a rare 10/10 for me! Thanks for writing this, I hope to see more in the future. Cheers





"The trouble with Borrowing another mind was, you always felt out of place when you got back to your own body, and Granny was the first person ever to read the mind of a building. Now she was feeling big and gritty and full of passages. 'Are you all right?' Granny nodded, and opened her windows. She extended her east and west wings and tried to concentrate on the tiny cup held in her pillars."
— Terry Pratchett, Discworld: Equal Rites