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The Fool's Gander- WIP Chapter 1 Exceprt

by Cozmo2024


There has always been something special about the forest to him.

Corrin leaned against the river's edge as he tied his long, beautifully burnt tint auburn locks into a carelessly messy ponytail. A loose strand collapsed onto his forehead, tickling his eyebrow. In the absence of rain, the river was low at this time of year, but more than usual compared to the last few years. The village of Tarnstead Hill has been suffering a drought as of late. It is sad to see the still waters struggling as if they're trying to return to their pristine holiness. Miniscule creeks became rivers, puddles became ponds, ponds became lakes. That cycle keeps on repeating itself each year, until it undertakes a massive transformation of its beauty, when the buds start to peek. Lakes turn back into ponds, ponds turn back into puddles. And, less and less the rivers have gushed and drifted among its path. But, that’s how the world pans out. That’s how this world works. It saddens the people in this land, seeing how their water supply is at its low point of the year. Autumn comes with a dry result to the season. Gardens and farms need twice the work, and people have to travel far to get the cleanest water. In District 5, the Pluto District, that's how things are. You have to work to get a drink of water.

Barely any magical creatures roam the land of Pluto, from the scarce and harsh world very little number of them flourish. Those in the districts closest to the capital only have to lift a finger to get anything they want. But the river, oh the river. Even though it’s at its low point, nobody can resist the irenic flow.

It's just part of life, once again.

From the dried lands to the occasional pandemic that kills thousands, this was home for Corrin. The dirt stuck under his fingernails or the long hikes to the rivers may faze him, he might dread it, but he still attempts to think for himself, It’s only for a season, often his complaints may overwhelm those thoughts. The youngster enjoys the busy work, but only when he chooses to do them. If he’s told to, then that’s an automatic Nuh uh for him. He is a boy from Tarnstead Hill; a village not known for much, a quiet and peaceful place more like. A calm life is something that Corrin ever wanted, and it’s granted. Throughout life, his steady routine won't be interrupted by anything. Corrin is looking forward to the arrival of spring next year. That’s the season for newborn wildlife to frolic throughout the land. Who doesn’t love that time of year? Ages may be tough, yet it’s quiet and steady for the time being.

The kingdom of Vad has a vast majority of wildlife, vegetation, temperate forests, swamps, and marshes. It is ruled by the one and only, King Thurio. It’s inhabited by many creatures of any sorts- some may be fairies of the temperate forests, or dragons by the mountain caves, they can mainly flourish in between the central and the outer districts. Vad is separated into five districts in a circular formation-Pluto being the farthest from the center with approximately 450,000 inhabitants. It has the largest stretch of land. Its inhabitants are known for being very productive in farm work, but many often die from disease or any other cause. District 4: Mars has a population estimated around 950,000 people. The inhabitants are rather territorial and very strict about their rules for their lands. District 3: Venus. It has an estimated population of 750,000 civilians. Venus is known for their large varieties of jobs. They are home to many talented blacksmiths, tailors, shoe makers, etcetera. District 2: Mercury. Mercury is home to an estimated number of 500,00 civilians. It’s home to extremely wealthy people who often throw a lot of parties. It is the district that is closest to the center. And finally district 1: Sun. Sun inhabits an estimated population of 350,000 civilians. It is where Vad’s ruler, King Thurio, lives. The civilians spend their days worshiping their King.

Corrin has shoulder length dark red hair. His hair color looks slightly unnatural, but that’s something that Corrin prides himself in. There is a bright gray tint to his wide eyes. Thick and straight brows characterize his face, giving him a much more angry look to it. A long chin and flawlessly smooth pale ivory skin combine with dark freckles to form the perfect combination for him. As an average teenager, he isn’t the tallest. Standing at only five feet tall. It makes for quite a funny sight to see him standing next to someone of the same age. In spite of his height, he is not bothered by it. He’s very proud of his uniquely colored hair and eyes and that’s enough for him to be happy about himself. But he can become a feisty rodent-like creature if you make him mad. It takes a lot to get him worked up, even though his idol expression says otherwise.

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Sat Jan 20, 2024 11:47 pm
PKMichelle wrote a review...



Hello friend!
I saw your work in the Green Room and figured I’d check it out.


Per my interpretation, this was an awesome excerpt from what seems to be an amazing chapter!

This is an introduction to a character named Corrin, who I assume will play a large part in the rest of the novel. He has a love for nature and for himself as well. In the midst of this chapter, King Thurio is introduced, as are the districts he governs.

This was a very detailed first chapter with lots of very interesting information!


If I could offer any sort of advice, it would be one small thing when you're explaining that Corrin enjoys busy work, but not when he's told to do it. You said,

If he’s told to, then that’s an automatic Nuh uh for him.


I feel like this sentence would make more sense if "nuh uh" was written more like a dialogue and looked like this:

If he’s told to, then that’s an automatic "nuh uh" from him.


I just thought this flowed better and kind of made a little more sense in the context of this quote, but, obviously, this is just a suggestion, and it's always up to the writer, so please take this criticism lightly and know that I mean nothing negative by it—only trying to provide a somewhat useful critique.


If I had to pick my favorite part, it most certainly have to be the way you presented Corrin's character throughout this chapter!

One thing that stood out to me about the way you introduced Corrin was the way you showed his compassion and love for nature, saying,

Corrin is looking forward to the arrival of spring next year. That’s the season for newborn wildlife to frolic throughout the land. Who doesn’t love that time of year?


I thought this was a really great quote from this chapter because it shows Corrin's appreciation for spring and wildlife as normal and that it would be unusual if you didn't appreciate it. This is especially shown by the final sentence of this quote, "Who doesn't love that time of year?" It was just an awesome way to show how much Corrin loves nature, so kudos to you for that!

The next thing that caught my eye in regards to Corrin's character was the ending, when you said,

He’s very proud of his uniquely colored hair and eyes, and that’s enough for him to be happy about himself.


This quote did an amazing job of showing how secure Corrin is in who he is and how he doesn't let much of what others think bother him. It showed his emotional maturity really well and made him seem like a much more likeable character. So, you did a great job with that!


Overall, this was a really great chapter, and I would love to see the rest of it! You did a great job writing this, and I had a lot of fun reading it! I can't wait for the next chapter, so I'll definitely be there when you post it!

Thank you for taking the time to write and post this, and I hope this review is of some use to you!


Goodbye for now! I hope you have a magnificent day (or night) wherever you are!




Cozmo2024 says...


Thank you so much for reading! :)




You are all the colours in one, at full brightness.
— Jennifer Niven, 'All the Bright Places'