Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.
Here is another preview/test/excerpt from my WIP titled CONRAD (it's still in it's earlier stages of writing so I still need to go through the thorough editing stages--> this is still the first draft!)
(TW cursing, mentions of suicide, smoking)
The woman looked up at me, from the look at her eyes she knew what I saw.
“Who the hell is that?” I yell out, the figure at the doorway tilted their head to the side in silence.
“Oh..him? Oh he’s– He’s just–” the woman was left in a jumble.
I can’t do this. “I heard you two from the other side of the door.”
The woman shakes her head and grabs my arms in a tight grasp. She was surprisingly strong.
The man remained motionless,“They’re still weak from the sedative, bring them over.” The woman started to drag me towards the door, where the man stood.
“Wait…wait please!” As much as I forced myself to keep calm, it feels like its holding at the edge and it’s tipping, plummeting down. “Let me go!” I tried to pull my arm free, but the woman held fast as she continued to drag me closer to the man.
Just don’t cry.
“We must be quick,” the woman said, letting go of one of my arms for the man to grab it. I felt my heart racing as the man pulled me away. The woman followed close behind, her eyes cold through the mask. I planted my bare heels into the stone floor, the grit skratching away my skin. The hooded man let out a frustrated grunt, in no time he lifted me up bridal and my struggles were halted. One arm arched over my legs, constricting them so I couldn’t kick out, the other arm held down my torso. My arms were held down. It was restricting and I couldn’t lean in to bite at him. The man squeezed my body as he sped through the building, leaving me breathless and unable to call out without hurting my chest.
I want to end it all right here. Just not knowing what is to come makes me want to take a blade and jam it through my throat, creating a red line of trickling blood through my neck.
But I refuse to let anything happen. I cannot let it happen.
These figures, these things.
This nightmare.
It’s all just a nightmare. The darkness of their cloaks, the faint flickers of the candles, the thumping patter of their rushing footsteps– I will wake up and they will all be gone.
This is not real. It cannot be.
It is a nightmare, all around me is the ghoulish phantoms of my haunting dreams, this strange feeling of my past just coming back to bite.
No.
I cannot allow it. I need to wake up.
“Schuriel will be waiting. He will be most happy to see you, Val.” said the woman, her delicate hand gliding through my hair. By this point I was dragged outside into the night. The moon was at its high, midnight. A black vehicle in front of us in full view. I squeeze my eyes shut, hoping that at the moment I open them again I will be back in my two bedroom apartment, with Cally cursing at the TV, Laura fast asleep on the couch with a cigarette in her lips, and me in bed with my laptop lighting up my room.
3…2…1–
But there I was, still being carried by the strange cloaked man to the black vehicle in this dark forest at the dead of night.
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter CONRAD (excerpt #3)Points:
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139,886 Literary Works • 672,791 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well this is a neat little excerpt here, I believe seen others of this before and this is another quite intriguing one. I love the way the tension is built up and the stages this person goes through trying to process this whole situation.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Oooh immediately quite the entertaining start here, a little conflict, which for an excerpt is a lovely place to start cause you immediately have something to root for and think about.
Well it looks like quite a heartless moment is in progress here, with this person trying desperately to maintain some sort of dignity there but unable to do so and this woman just focusing on getting through whatever this attack is as fast as possible.
Welp looks like things are escalating to an entirely different level and our poor protagonist is just in so much pain and trying desperately to just get away from it all. Oh dear those thoughts are really approaching some very dangerous places here.
Oooh this is an interesting detour, either this is completely correct and we have a person suffering from some very severe nightmares from a lot of trauma or this person has been suffering so much this fantasy that the whole thing is a dream is the only way they can cope. Either way things just getting significantly worse here.
Well that certainly ends up proving the nightmare to cope theory and I think that possibly makes this worse now given this person is in very active danger. Quite the cut off point for this excerpt, I think its a wonderful choice there cause it really leaves us wanting moree.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall a powerful little excerpt this, I think it lends itself really well there to standing alone as a powerful moment in this story but there's also clear hints of so much more worldbuilding behind it and I'd love to read more.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Kate
Thank you for reading!
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the mutated S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - The main character was kidnapped by strange individuals for an even stranger experiment. Things are suspicious and cult-like, the main character is trapped.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - You misspelled “scratching”, but that’s alright. This is only a first draft, after all.
Chocolate Bar - I love how the main character was trying to convince himself (I’m assuming the main character is male) that it was all a nightmare. It shows how desperate he is to keep his sanity, to tell himself that everything is okay. The fear is ever so prevalent.
Closing Graham Cracker - I looked back at the first part of this to get an idea, then I went over here, and both have a different level of unease to it! I’m excited to see what this turns out to be once the ideas are fleshed out, and I’ll be certain to check out the other parts of this.
I wish you a lovely day/night!
Thank you for reading! I'm planning on making my main character, Val, to be non-binary and use they/them pronouns. I can't blame you tho, I always think back to Val Kilmer when I hear the name.
Okay! :>