• Home

Young Writers Society

16+ Language Mature Content

CONRAD (excerpt/test scene #2)

by Cozmo2024

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.

Here is another preview/test/excerpt from my WIP titled CONRAD (it's still in it's earlier stages of writing so I still need to go through the thorough editing stages--> this is still the first draft!)

(TW cursing, mentions of suicide, smoking)

The woman looked up at me, from the look at her eyes she knew what I saw. 

“Who the hell is that?” I yell out, the figure at the doorway tilted their head to the side in silence.

“Oh..him? Oh he’s– He’s just–” the woman was left in a jumble.

I can’t do this. “I heard you two from the other side of the door.”

The woman shakes her head and grabs my arms in a tight grasp. She was surprisingly strong.

The man remained motionless,“They’re still weak from the sedative, bring them over.” The woman started to drag me towards the door, where the man stood.

“Wait…wait please!” As much as I forced myself to keep calm, it feels like its holding at the edge and it’s tipping, plummeting down. “Let me go!” I tried to pull my arm free, but the woman held fast as she continued to drag me closer to the man.

Just don’t cry.

“We must be quick,” the woman said, letting go of one of my arms for the man to grab it. I felt my heart racing as the man pulled me away. The woman followed close behind, her eyes cold through the mask. I planted my bare heels into the stone floor, the grit skratching away my skin. The hooded man let out a frustrated grunt, in no time he lifted me up bridal and my struggles were halted. One arm arched over my legs, constricting them so I couldn’t kick out, the other arm held down my torso. My arms were held down. It was restricting and I couldn’t lean in to bite at him. The man squeezed my body as he sped through the building, leaving me breathless and unable to call out without hurting my chest.

I want to end it all right here. Just not knowing what is to come makes me want to take a blade and jam it through my throat, creating a red line of trickling blood through my neck.

But I refuse to let anything happen. I cannot let it happen.

These figures, these things.

This                  nightmare.

It’s all just a nightmare. The darkness of their cloaks, the faint flickers of the candles, the thumping patter of their rushing footsteps– I will wake up and they will all be gone.

This is not real. It cannot be.

It is a nightmare, all around me is the ghoulish phantoms of my haunting dreams, this strange feeling of my past just coming back to bite.


I cannot allow it. I need to wake up.

“Schuriel will be waiting. He will be most happy to see you, Val.” said the woman, her delicate hand gliding through my hair. By this point I was dragged outside into the night. The moon was at its high, midnight. A black vehicle in front of us in full view. I squeeze my eyes shut, hoping that at the moment I open them again I will be back in my two bedroom apartment, with Cally cursing at the TV, Laura fast asleep on the couch with a cigarette in her lips, and me in bed with my laptop lighting up my room.


But there I was, still being carried by the strange cloaked man to the black vehicle in this dark forest at the dead of night.

You can earn up to 137 points for reviewing this work. The amount of points you earn is based on the length of the review. To ensure you receive the maximum possible points, please spend time writing your review.

Is this a review?



User avatar
907 Reviews

Points: 176
Reviews: 907

Sun Feb 11, 2024 3:59 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...

Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shalt we commence with the mutated S’more?

Top Graham Cracker - The main character was kidnapped by strange individuals for an even stranger experiment. Things are suspicious and cult-like, the main character is trapped.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - You misspelled “scratching”, but that’s alright. This is only a first draft, after all.

Chocolate Bar - I love how the main character was trying to convince himself (I’m assuming the main character is male) that it was all a nightmare. It shows how desperate he is to keep his sanity, to tell himself that everything is okay. The fear is ever so prevalent.

Closing Graham Cracker - I looked back at the first part of this to get an idea, then I went over here, and both have a different level of unease to it! I’m excited to see what this turns out to be once the ideas are fleshed out, and I’ll be certain to check out the other parts of this.

I wish you a lovely day/night!

Cozmo2024 says...

Thank you for reading! I'm planning on making my main character, Val, to be non-binary and use they/them pronouns. I can't blame you tho, I always think back to Val Kilmer when I hear the name.

vampricone6783 says...

Okay! :>

Remember when dad's shoulders were the highest place on earth and your mom was your hero? Race issues were about who ran the fastest, war was only a car game. The most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees, and good byes only meant tomorrow? And we couldn't wait to grow up.
— Unknown