z
  • Home

Young Writers Society


12+ Mature Content

CONRAD (test scene/preview ig?)

by Cozmo2024


This is a scene from my WIP

There are about four or five pairs of hands on me right now. To think about how I got into this situation, I believe I already lost track the moment I was forced through the doors of this church. I wouldn’t even call this place a church, clearly this is a cult refuge.

Shivers run down my spine. At first I thought it was from the bitter cold of the chamber, the blanket isn’t doing it’s job very well, but it mostly came from the hands running up and down my back, thighs, arms, and neck. Each and every stroke sent immense sets of tingles down to every joint. Through the shadows I could hardly see who these figures were, but I did notice their pure white robes and the masks that they wore over their faces. The masks were also a pure white that covered their whole face except for the eyes, which I could still barely see anyway. And each hand was covered in soft leather that have strange runes on the edges of the material. From their disturbing appearance, they were quite gentle when touching me. Through what I gathered, they were trying to be respectful in where they let their hands go. And after a few minutes of this uncanny observation of my body, I was delicately pulled into a seated position, the blanket slipped and was left hanging off of one of my shoulders as I rose.

“Here, let me get that for you,” said one of the masked figures, gently placing the other half of the thick blanket back on my tensed-up shoulder. As the figure quickly positioned the blanket, they snuck in an odd squeeze to my shoulder. The action made me wince. “Don’t be afraid,” the same figure spoke up again, “We’re trying to help you.” The voice was soft and mildly soothing. I expected for these masked and white clad people to sound like they came from the fiery depths of hell, but no. In fact, their voices made me even more anxious, hearing how calm and sincere they are trying to be towards me— it sounded forced. I didn’t believe it, but I could have sworn I felt a gentle kiss on my forehead through the darkness. Yet then, I felt another kiss, this time on my cheek. The feeling felt like little pecks of ice tapping my face.


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
217 Reviews

Points: 11359
Reviews: 217

Donate
Sat Dec 30, 2023 4:14 pm
View Likes
EllieMae wrote a review...



Time for a Black Cat Review!!



MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:

Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret

YES. yes yes yes. I love this! One of my guilty pleasures is that i absolutely love writing horror/cult-like stories. I have a couple published on yws actually haha. Lets get right into it, because i love this idea!

There are about four or five pairs of hands on me right now.


I love this as a first sentence! It caught my attention right away. The story begins with our character having multiple sets of hands on them. they were forced through the doors of a church which they say is more of a cult refuge. Who is our character? Why are they here? Are they a good person or bad?

Shivers run down my spine. At first I thought it was from the bitter cold of the chamber, the blanket isn’t doing it’s job very well, but it mostly came from the hands running up and down my back, thighs, arms, and neck.


Our character is now in a chamber, where she is being touched a lot for unknown reasons. We also see that these people who are touching her are:

but I did notice their pure white robes and the masks that they wore over their faces


White symbolizes purity and cleanliness before God. i feel that these people touching our character must belong to some sort of extremist cult, probably associated with Christianity since our character said it was a church earlier in the piece. We also see this in this section:

From their disturbing appearance, they were quite gentle when touching me. Through what I gathered, they were trying to be respectful in where they let their hands go.


These people are respectful of modesty, it seems.

I love the ending of this section of your story. Our character is very confused. And us as readers are too. Why are they here? Who are they? How did they get here- willingly or unwillingly?

Vladimir’s Advice - Suggestions for Improvement

This sentence confused me a little:

To think about how I got into this situation, I believe I already lost track the moment I was forced through the doors of this church.


Just because these are two separate thoughts connected into one sentence.

In this section:

“Here, let me get that for you,” said one of the masked figures, gently placing the other half of the thick blanket back on my tensed-up shoulder


I want more description :) what do the voices sound like? What does out character think when this happens?? We do get some description of the voice being smooth after this, but was it a womens voice? A mens voice? Deep, low, calm, fast paced, high pitch?

Jack O’Lanterns - My Favourite Parts and Praises

I love the feeling of, almost… confusion that our character is going through.

These lines:

“Don’t be afraid,” the same figure spoke up again, “We’re trying to help you.” The voice was soft and mildly soothing.


Remind me of this creepy movie called Eli that i watched. Is our character really good? Or are they secretly evil and these people really are trying to help them.

Black Cat Cuddles - Concluding Ideas and Thoughts

This was amazing! I hope you publish more on yws!!

ellie

I hope you have a spook-tastical day, filled with black cat mischief!




Cozmo2024 says...


Thank you so much for reading!



User avatar
1004 Reviews

Points: 96
Reviews: 1004

Donate
Thu Dec 28, 2023 6:28 pm
View Likes
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shalt we commence with the horror review?

Top Graham Cracker - A cult kidnaps someone and takes them to a church, where they will attempt to make the victim one of their own. Not creepy at all!/j

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - If you want, you can put italics for their words, to show how calm they are. But that’s just an idea, though. You don’t have to listen to this. I just really like italics.

Chocolate Bar - You did a good job of describing how they looked. They’re all dressed in white and they’re in a church. They’ve clearly kidnapped the protagonist, yet they put off an aura of false kindness. It’s even worse than if they sounded like demons. Very horrifying indeed. :>

Closing Graham Cracker - I liked reading this little snippet! If this continues into a novel, I’ll check it out. I can only imagine what the cult has in mind…spooky cult.

I wish you an amazing day/night!




Cozmo2024 says...


Thank you for reading! For the italics part I copy and paste my work from Google Docs and for some reason this website takes out the italics and stuff ugh. So I%u2019ll definitely catch that better in the future. :)




Life is like a bag of potatoes, it starts out rough, but can turn into something beautiful (and yummy).
— Ley