I looked myself up and down in the mirror. I turned left. I turned right. The school uniform. . . It was great! It looked awesome. It was a grey uniform with a white undershirt and black jeans. There was a knock at the door,
"Hey. Ya done yet?" It was Kai.
"Yeah man, ready to get going." I opened the door and walked out.
Kai was practically hopping for joy, "Yes! Finally! My dad talks all the time about the missions he gets to do."
Missions. Those are a big thing in leveling up not only your wings, but your magic and weapon.
"When we get to the school, I hope we start with getting our magic affinity." Kai continued
Magic affinity's are ones magic core, or the type of magic they specialize in. Such as Kai's affinity could be fire, though I doubt it.
"Look at the gates!" Kai ran up ahead.
I smiled, he is as goofy as ever. suddenly, I felt someone bump into me, turning I saw the princess was on the ground.
"Oh! I'm sorry." I hurried to help her up
"You're sorry? I bumped into you." She gave me an apologetic smile
"Haha, yeah but I was in the way." I laughed, do you know how nerve racking it is to talk to the princess of the entire palace?
"Fiona! Watch where you're going." Her brother, Sage, came running up.
"Hey! I apologized." She pouted
"So?" Sage rolled his eyes
"U-uh, nice to meet you?" I had no idea what to say
"Great to meet you as well." Sage gave a slight bow
Wait, we had to bow?
"Stop worrying, I see it all in your face." Sage laughed
I felt the heat rush up to my face, "right."
"Dude, where are you?" Kai ran up to me "Class is about to start!" He then noticed the prince and princess.
He gave a slight bow. So we did have to bow.
"Now, let's go to class." Kai grabbed my arm and began pulling me away, I looked back and saw Sage and Fiona were heading the opposite way.
"I found out today that we are getting our magic swords and our magic affinities. Then we go home to practice with them." Kai said
I nod. We enter the academy and take a quick left.
"This is it." Kai led me into a room, filled with first years.
I looked over and saw that noble from the other day. I found out that his name was Marcus.
"Look, it's the professor." Kai whispered, just then, a middle aged woman came in. She had neon blue hair and light blue eyes. She wore a black crop top with matching shorts. She had two katana on her back.
'Hello, students. My name is professor Bridgette, and I'll be your homeroom for the year." Her voice was loud and commandant.
"Hello Professor Bridgette!" Chorused the class
"Right, now lets go get your soul weapons. Afterwards, your homework for the next week will be unlocking your affinity. If you can't unlock it withing that week then your expelled. Afterwards we will begin training." She looked at some paper "Seems like we have two special students this year. I'll expect great things from you two."
Fiona and Sage bowed "Yes ma'am."
"Now, let's get going." She leads the way out of the academy and into some meadow place, it had many buildings, "These buildings contain different types of soul weapons. Allow your soul to guide you to the right building then to the right weapon." Almost as soon as she finished speaking, students began moving.
I breathed in and out and closed my eyes. Straight. That's where I had to go. I began to walk in a straight line, moving past all the other buildings.
"Kid, hey kid! Stop! You're not allowed back there!" Professor Bridgette yelled
I looked at the building. My weapon was in there. I was sure of it. I felt a hand on my shoulder. Turning, I saw the professor.
"Get back." She said
"My weapon is in there, I know it." I whispered
"What? There has only ever been one weapon . . " Her voice trailed off "Fine." She got out some keys and went through them for a bit. She selected the biggest and put it into the hole. There it was.
It was a sword. It had a black handle and it went to the sides like fire. The blade itself was a bright silver.
"That's my weapon." I walked up to it. It seemed to shine more brightly with every step.
"Well, look at that," Professor Bridgette breathed
Grabbing the weapon, I placed it into its sheathed. It hummed contently. Wait.
"Did it just hum?" I ask
"That sword belonged to the god of destruction, Milo. It is said to have a mind of its own. It has been locked in here because of its power." Professor Bridgette informed
"Is that why I wasn't allowed back here?"
"Yes. Let's get back." She turned around and began to leave.
Following, I met Kai. Of course he had two daggers in their sheaths by his sides.
"Whoa, isn't that the god's sword?" He stared at the sword on the back.
"Yeah." I smiled at his reaction. I turned as Princess Fiona came out with a gold and silver bow, with matching arrows. Her brother, prince Sage, had double swords.
"Looks like you're not the only one with a god's blessing." Kai mumbled
"What?"
"Princess Fiona has the moon god's Lila's bow while prince Sage has the creation god's Mak's swords." He said
"What does that have to do with blessings?"
"If you get a weapon directly associated with a god, then they gave you their blessing." He said looking at me darkly.
I knew what he meant, I had the destruction god's sword. Evil. Death. Chaos. He had many names.
And he viewed me as a disciple.
End of chapter
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137,562 Literary Works • 672,043 Reviews
Hello! I saw this in the Green Room so I thought I'd check it out. I haven't read any other chapters so I'm just working with this chapter.
'Kai was practically hopping for joy' - jumping with joy?
"Look at the gates!" Kai ran up ahead.' - I'm a little confused at to where they are. I assumed they were inside due to the mirror and then the MC leaving through a door. So now they're outside, what gates? For Kai to mention them in such a way it seems like they are impressive in some way yet there is no description beyond this. Remember you are painting a picture for your readers. I can't really picture anything here.
Okay, I'm guessing Sage is a new character that has not been introduced before, yet there is no description again. I don't mean you have to write a list of details, but just something simple - maybe hair colour, height? Do the prince and princess have similar features?
'loud and commandant.' - loud and commanding?
'If you can't unlock it withing that week then your expelled.' - within*, you're* Also, that is something pretty intense to just say so blase like that. Maybe the students would have some sort of reaction?
'some meadow place, it had many buildings' - this could be expanded on more so the reader feels involved.
'I looked at the building. My weapon was in there. I was sure of it.' - why were they sure of it? What did that surety feel like? I'm guessing it's a feeling they have not felt before.
'She selected the biggest and put it into the hole. There it was.
It was a sword.' - okay, so you've mentioned the weapons are in buildings... how big are the buildings if they unlocked the door and the sword is just.. there? Perhaps it would make more sense the weapons are in chests or something?
'"That sword belonged to the god of destruction, Milo. It is said to have a mind of its own. It has been locked in here because of its power." Professor Bridgette informed' - yet she was very quick to just hand it to a student. Irresponsible much?
'had double swords.' - maybe twin blades might work better?
Okay, finished! There's a lot going on here that could be with a lot more expanding on. There is very little emotion throughout the writing and considering the MC has just been basically appointed the next god of evil, I'm guessing they are feeling a lot of things.
Descriptions are definitely lacking so it's hard to really visualise anything that is happening. This very much feels like the bare bones of a story that could be very entertaining it worked over.
Hope this helps
you have to read the other chapters
Dont know if I read the tone wrong but this was kinda rude. Even from just reading one chapter I should be able to picture what is going on in that chapter, more descriptions would help that.
i didn't mean for it to sound rude, I apologize.
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well....this is taking some interesting turns here and I love how you always do manage to drop a surprise or two. It keeps going on a seemingly predictable path, and it does but there's this slight extra complication that makes it stand out and be a little less predictable as a story and that's lovely to see.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okayy...well this is a pretty exciting start here...I love where this one appears to be going...the description of the school uniform is pretty nice and then getting what appears to perhaps be a taste of what to expect in the coming chapters there with that little discussion makes for a nice touch here.
Okayy...so well more interesting information and once again a slightly shaky transition there. I feel those really need to get a second look at sometime because most of them just happen a little too fast. I think you could perhaps try and use a scene break or two or its just going to be very jarring in the middle of chapters here...also well...it looks like the princess is perhaps not as bad as whoever that noble was earlier.
Okayyy....well that was a nice meeting. At least all the higher class folks from this school aren't horrible so that gives some hope that whoever that noble was earlier is just an isolated incident and they will not have too many further problems getting around the school.
OKayyy....soo those definitely sound like pretty cool classes to start with here...I'm certainly quite excited to see how these are going to pan out, and it looks like their professor is a pretty nice person as well from this introduction here..well, let's see how this pans out.
Okayy..so looks like the teacher acknowledges the prince and the princess but isn't necessarily giving out special treatment either so I think this is off to a good start and the idea of these soul weapons and them getting acquired pretty soon is an exciting moment here to start with.
Ohh...welll that's an interesting moment here. It looks like this is definitely the place this person is meant to be going towards but for some reason the professor is not going to let them go in that particular direction, this is definitely something important going on there.
Okayy....not the most impressive of swords, but it is fairly cool sounding...and it looks like the professor was only looking out for Cody and not necessarily preventing him from getting a weapon so all appears to be good on that front but now it seems that perhaps Cody is about to weild a very special weapon here.
OKayy...well that certainly is a special weapon, there's no telling exactly what kind of specialties it has, but it certainly isn't just any ordinary weapon by any standard so this is really set up to make Cody someone pretty important, I suppose the dummies earlier was a bit of foreshadowing for this.
Okayy....well that's an interesting twist in fortunes, I mean for one yes it looks like he's powerful like not many people tend to be, but also it seems he's blessed by a god that seems to be more on the traditionally evil side of things..so well, this is bound to be exciting going forward cause he's potentially now going to be viewed as a not so good person, which to be fair he did kill someone in cold blood at the age of sixteen for just a bit of information.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, we're continuing along pretty nicely in this piece and I'm very excited to see where it will turn to next...anyway, that's all I've gotta say for now.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry