Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
All Angelou could do was stand in the alley and stare at the wall. Her jaw was slack, and her eyes were wide. She couldn't wrap her head around how much power it would take to chip the wall, let alone tear a hole through it.
Angelou gingerly edged away from the beast and breach when she was yanked behind a stack of crates, a hand clamped tight over her mouth. Her instincts quickly beat out her confusion and without a second's hesitation, she spun in the person's grip and elbowed them in the stomach. She didn't give them a chance to utter a sound before she slammed them to the ground, strattled her assailant's body and clamped her hands around their throat.
Angelou was prepared to crush their windpipe when she spotted their emerald green eyes. The look of fear, confusion, and familiarity immediately made her relax her grip.
"Soren, what are you doing here?" Angelou hissed.
"Same as you," he said nodding towards the beast.
"If you thought you could beat that, you're wrong," Angelou said.
"I can't-- we can," Soren smirked.
Angelou was about to argue, but she saw the gears in his head begin to turn. His mind was at work, and when a Human's inner cogs started to rotate, everything outside their plan was irrelevant. They lived solely for one thing, and that was to carry out their objective.
Angelou stole another glance at the creature utterly transfixed. It was huge, at least the size of the bear, but resembled more of a wolf. No matter how many times she looked, she couldn't suppress her admiration-- and her fear. It sat there, more elegant than a dove, and more proud then a noble. The muscle under it's silver fur, the fangs able to rip the hardest steel, and the eyes, brilliant gold with silver specs throughout.
It's fur rippled with the wind, and it's paws left giant imprints in the dirt under it's massive weight. Suddenly, the wolf's head turned towards her. With a gasp of surprise, she yanked her head out of sight.
"Did it see you?" Soren asked.
Angelou shook her head, "So brainiac, whats the plan?" she said.
"First, get off me. I don't want to smell like a Hybrid."
Angelou rolled her eyes lifting herself off him. Soren quickly scrambled up and unslung his bow from his back. Angelou followed his example, reaching behind her to draw her dagger. She expertly twirled the dagger in her hand allowing the blade to come to a stop ready for anything.
It didn't take long for them to go over the plan. Despite the situation, despite the danger, excitement rolled through her. Now that the initial terror had dwindled, she was barely able to contain herself. Her instincts welcomed the hunt and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't resist the smile playing on her lips.
Once more, the clouds blocked off the moon's light basking them in darkness. It's golden eyes and massive silhouette were the only things that alerted Angelou of the beast's presence.
Finally, it was time. Soren jumped onto the crates and shot the first arrows towards the wolf. The second they made contact, the beast jumped to it's feet invoking a roar of challenge.
With that, Angelou burst into action. She vaulted over the boxes and dashed towards the wolf. The adrenaline of battle raced through her veins and fed her every move. Keeping to the darkest shadows she raced across the packed earth towards her adversary.
Her eyes caught the glimmer of silver from the corner of her eye. It was a pole, no-- a spear left over from training. Leaning close to the ground she grasped it without losing a single ounce of speed.
Just before she was within range to lash out with her dagger, she skid to a halt. It's defense was impervious. Hoisting the spear in her hand, she jumped back and hauled it at the beast like a javelin.
The wolf spun out the way just as the spear was about to make contact.
It stared Angelou down, confidence in it's eyes, as if daring her to throw another.
Angelou took a step forward, then another. She slowly paced around the monster until the only thing in the world was it and her. She focused, searching for any form of weakness, any chink in it's stance that would allow her to strike.
Just when she'd finished the third circle, three arrows whistled through the darkness into the beast's side.
It wasn't enough to put it down, but she wouldn't let the chance slip by. She seized the opening with renewed speed and launched herself at the wolf.
`As she drew near, the beast lashed out. Angelou slid under it's claws, rolled to her feet, and plunged the dagger deep into it's hide.
A low growl erupted from the wolf's throat. So deep, it reverberated through Angelou's body making her vision shake. Before she could recover, the wolf spun on it's front legs and kicked Angelou in the stomach like a horse.
She tumbled through the dirt crashing into the crates where Soren stood.
"Did that wolf just kick me?" Angelou groaned.
"Dunno, ask the wolf," Soren said knocking another arrow.
Before she could respond, Soren flipped off the boxes out of sight. Angelou felt the ground shake, the stench of fur, and the growl. She whipped her head around but it was too late, the wolf was on her. Injured as it was, the beast bore down on her like a castle and a half. Thinking fast, Angelou spun the dagger in her hand and sank it into the wolf's forearm. It yelped, rolling off her.
From the roof above, Soren hailed arrows down on their opponent, but most bounced off it's iron-like fur. Nonetheless, it was enough. With Soren as cover, Angelou charged back into the fight. The second she was close enough, the dance begun.
The beast swiped it's claws and snapped it's jaws any chance it got. Angelou dodged each attack expertly, weaving through the wolf's ferocious bombardment. Each attack was enough to take her head clean off. Whenever Angelou saw an opening, she lashed out with her dagger, but each time, the wolf angled itself so the attack wouldn't prove fatal.
After what seemed like hours of relentless battle, she felt the burn in her lounges, and the heaviness of her limbs. She was losing strength. The beast attacked, she took a step back but her body betrayed her. Stumbling over her own feet, she barely avoided the attack. A second later, and she would've been headless. the encounter at death's door left Angelou winded and terrified. She couldn't carry on, she needed an opening-- a distraction; anything.
As if on Que, the bell rung. It's heavy sound washed over the village in one solid wave. The festival had begun.
The wolf returned the chime in kind. It lifted it's head to the moon and howled. The sound of the bell was impossibly drowned out by the beast. Long and loud it called, until finally it was over. Their eyes locked, and Angelou could have sworn she saw victory dance through it's eyes. She got ready for another round, but instead, it turned and sprinted through the hole and into the forest beyond.
"We're not done here!" Angelou said sprinting after it.
She was never known to be the smartest in the village, but the second Angelou reached the hole in the wall she realized, she was downright stupid.
From the forest beyond, hundreds, maybe thousands of golden eyes illuminated the bush. In that moment, she realized the look of Victory that swam through the wolf's eyes.
Turning on her heel, she ran back with a whole army of monsters on her tail.
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137,630 Literary Works • 672,054 Reviews
Disclaimer: I have not read the previous chapters. With that said, happy Review Day.
Surprisingly, there are no overhanging issues here, just a few minor problems scattered about. But first, I ought to praise you for your skills of battle description. You've got word choice down well, (bombardment, I liked especially) and you're also quite gifted with imagery. (But it would have burned in her lungs, not her lounges.)
Your characters are also quite well-rounded as well. I can see that Angelou is confident, experienced, and cautious, while Soren is witty and cutting with a hint of prejudice.
Try not to repeat nouns, adjectives, verbs, or adverbs in the same paragraph, or in adjacent sentences. For example, your repetition of "dagger." Alternate words are usually in vast supply.
This story has some excellent flow to it, but it could be improved by commas. Always imagine where somebody reading it aloud would pause and take a breath. You've still got a good hold of varying sentence length, which is impressive in itself.
Overall, this is a piece with some astounding techniques, that is slightly hampered by its grammatical errors. It's very excellent indeed. Cheers.
-Chaser
This story is masterful, Cloudless! Incredible job with the way you executed your story! The fight with the wolf beast is nothing short of amazing to read, thanks in part to your descriptions and how your characters fight against it. I can imagine each second of the fight, each conflict that takes place, and the struggle as Angelou attempts to kill the wolf beast. Your details are just that vivid, and I'm impressed by the quality you provide in your writing. Even the descriptions of the wolf are beautifully constructed, for I can see the prowess of the wolf, see the golden eyes and the silver, iron-hard fur, and imagine the power and fear it imbues upon Angelou. Well done!
Your characters fascinate me, not to mention your character development. It seems that Angelou is not a normal human being, from the way that Soren describes her as a Hybrid and how Angelou highlights the human nature in a way that suggests she isn't human herself. This makes the story all the more interesting and complex, as I can see that her unique heritage helps make her unique and skilled. Her ability to use the dagger is amazing, not to mention her lightning-fast reflexes and her fighting capabilities. Soren is also a great character. He adds quite a lot into this already exciting story, for his archery skills are impressive. Furthermore, it appears that he doesn't have much respect for Angelou, seeing how he emphasizes the word "Hybrid." This sort of a different in feelings between the two characters helps add to your story by contributing feelings and emotions in the reader's mind, highlighting to the said reader an underlying conflict in the story. Angelou doesn't respect humans much, and Soren doesn't respect hybrids much either. This addition of an underlying conflict founded upon the identities of characters works well in this story, as it leaves the reader wondering more about each group and their distinct characteristics, and also looking to see if this conflict will be resolved in the future. This leaves the reader eager for more of your story. All in all, excellent job with your character development, details, and the flow of your story - it's incredible how you've written this.
However, I do have a few things to note about your usage of grammar and wording in your work. Firstly, you use "it's" instead of "its" in many cases where "its" is the more appropriate word to use. For instance, you include "it's" instead of "its" repeatedly in the sentence "it's fur rippled with the wind, and it's paws left giant imprints in the dirt under it's massive weight." Remember that "it's" is a contraction meaning "it is." "Its" is a possessive pronoun that is used to describe something belongs to someone or something else. If you have any confusion on whether or not to use "it's" or "its" in a particular sentence, the easiest way to tell which is more appropriate to break "it's" into "it is," and then try and apply it into the sentence. If it fits and the sentence reads smoothly, it's therefore most appropriate to use "it's"; otherwise, it's most appropriate to use "its." Just keep that in mind when you're writing. Although I understood the meaning of the words, it's always important to make sure that what you're writing is grammatically correct, so as to make your work appear more professional and better in quality.
Furthermore, you seem to have another problem with your commas. For instance, in the sentence "Once more, the clouds blocked off the moon's light basking them in darkness," you don't add a comma between "light" and "basking." In this case, the comma is appropriate to include, as it provides a place for the reader to pause as they continue to read the story, and it also separates information in a logical fashion. If you're having trouble with including commas in your story, it's a good idea to read the story out loud or read it to yourself. Include commas where you find any place that you pause at when you're reading, so as long as those places don't already include some other punctuation mark that does the job.
Finally, there are a few words that you misspelled in your story. When you say "knocking another arrow," the word "knocking" should be replaced with "notching." When you say "felt the burn in her lounges," the word "lounges" should be replaced with "lungs." In the words "as if on Que," "Que" is capitalized when it shouldn't be. Those, nonetheless, are the only spelling mistakes that I found in the entire story. You wrote excellently, providing a wide variety to as to amplify your story and emphasize your descriptions in a dramatic fashion. The grammar and spelling mistakes above are the only things that I thought I should highlight and nitpick. Everything else is amazing.
Well done! The story is beautifully composed, and the surprise at the ending is fantastic! This is an incredible piece of writing, and I enjoyed reading it immensely. Great job!