even more than death itself
the thing i fear the most
is the sound the toaster makes
when it's ready with my toast
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139,564 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Somehow, I read the title and got surprised when it was actually about a toast. Haha...it's really simple and pretty funny actually. Nevertheless, I have to say I thought it was great. Clever and cute. I think you took something that gets such little thought and wrote something every human being can relate to....and managed to rhyme at that. Great piece, I enjoyed it very much. Planning on reading more of your work.
I giggled a bit at this, hehe.
Well written, simplistic, and quite relatable! (I'm afraid of loud noises)
I especially like the non capitalized, casual type.
A job very well done, keep it up.
Hahaha, fun poem! It's cute. Although personally, I have never been bothered by my toaster, since it just gives a little popping sound. It's the BLENDER that really gets on my nerves. :/ It's like some horrible machine (which it is, technically)
Just one thing: You forgot to capitalise the letters at the beginning of each line and the "I" in the middle of the second line. It's really important to do that, you know.
Keep it up!
Mysticalxx
You really don't have to capitalize the letters in every sentence. It doesn't really matter, just to note.
Your poem LOOKS like a piece of toast 0.0
Or is that just me
Ah, toast.
Okay, sorry I didn't get to comment longer. I replied to a post but didn't get to say what I wanted to.
I can relate to everything this poem says, except for the first line (I think death is a natural fear of humankind). One day I was getting a knife (which happens to be right next to the toaster) and the bread just popped up and I SCREAMED. I think a mini heart attack would be the best way to put it.
To be honest, I don't like toasters.
can't you just be classic and toast them over a fire? It doesn't make you scream when it finishes.
I agree with this.
-wisegirl22
Uh, that noise. Loved the poem though! Super relatable.
Yeah, that mini heart attack you always get. Great fun poem!
I feel the same way.
Hey there, ChocolateCello! cleverclogs here for a quick review!
I'm pretty sure that just about everyone can relate to that awful sound that the toaster makes when the toast is done, which makes this poem very funny and relatable. The rhymes aren't forced, and I love how it makes its point so quickly. It's short and sweet. I really only have two comments about this.
1. Why exactly did you choose to not capitalize or punctuate? It's unusual for this type of poem. It's not a bad choice, but I'm just curious as to why you made it.
2.
Um. It's not a little sound at all. That sound is probably responsible for more deaths than... well, I'm not sure, but probably a lot of things. I'd recommend changing that word to reflect the fear of the sound the toaster makes.
Other than those two little things, this is very funny and cute. Well done with this awesome poem, keep up the great work!
Thanks! Glad to know you enjoyed it!
Do you by any chance have a suggestion on what to change 'little noise' to? I've considered 'sudden pop' and ' horrid noise' but I'm not sure if they really work
Hmm, I'm not sure I like either of those suggestions because they're a bit too straightforward. You could consider just saying "sound" and leaving out the adjective before it. I'd imagine that most readers are familiar with the sound of a toaster popping, so you don't have to describe it to them to make it relatable.
Hope this helped.
If you don't want to do that, maybe "popping noise" or "sudden pop" like you suggested would work. This is hard, dangit!
Thanks! This helped!
(I had written a response to your first question while on a mobile device but It didn't sent. I wrote this around 1:30 in the morning and I just wasn't really in the mood to think enough to add punctuation and capitalization)
Hi, I think this is quite a fun little poem. I think as far as rhyme and choice of vocabulary goes there's nothing that needs changing, it reads well and has a nice flow to it. The only thing that this could possibly benefit from is some punctuation. I would consider adding a comma at the end of the first line. I was going to suggest more, but on reading it through again actually further punctuation isn't really necessary. Anyway, I enjoyed it, the ending really made me smile.
AHHH, I get it now!
Because you know, you're worried if the toast is burnt...
Hey, Will here with a short review.
It took me a while. I must admit, it did. But I got there in the end.
Spoiler
Yeah. No, I really liked this poem. It's so simple - no commas, no capital letters, and a simple rhyming pattern. But it still is so...so...unified. It just...makes sense.
I will say one thing to you, and one thing only.
Change the word 'the' (before 'toaster') to 'my.' I found that 'the' interrupts the fast flow of the poem. And 'my' smoothes it out a little more.
Ah, but then you see, the fourth line has 'my' in it! No, screw it, don't bother with that idea.
I loved this short poem. You should get a discount for the number of coins you need to publish this! I would love to read more of these smart, funny little things.
This was well, kinda a review. Hoped you liked it!
-willachilles
Haha, thanks, glad to know you enjoyed it! Would it be worth it to change to 'the little sound my toast makes when it's ready with the toast?"
Yeah, that would be cool!