Young Writers Society

Royal here for a quick review!
Like Adrian, I can't really spot any huge flaws here but I'm not sure whether it's due to sleep deprivation or your amazing talent.
One nitpick: there needs to be punctuation after "note" in the third to last line.
Also, how dare you do this to my heart! You did a great job of setting up the characters and showing the development of their relationship. However, I do think there was an awful lot of telling going about and not enough showing. I need some more imagery and metaphor here; so far, all I'm seeing is a very sad, beautifully moving story. Which is fine. Except that it's poetry, not a short story, and so needs some more poetic elements, ya get me?
Other than that, this was a cohesive, well-written piece that made me feel a lot of things without my permission.
Great job!

Alright, Cello! Let's just see if this review is coherent, okay?

To be perfectly honest, I can't spot any major flaws in this work and I'm not sure if I should attribute that to being tired/not having reviewed this type of poetry before/or if it was seriously that good. The imagery wasn't as thought provoking as it could have been (more on that soon), but what you wrote was legitimately good. Although, everything good has the pot

I know I've talked about most of your writing being on the surface, but that isn't a bad thing whatsoever. What you write is easy to understand and all-in-all pleasant. Although I prefer poetry that I might have to read over and over again to get the meaning behind it, yours is really pleasant to read and rereading is enjoyable rather than an actual necessity. (Not trying to imply that rereading isn't enjoyable in most cases, but that I really just enjoy rereading your stuff even though I don't have to.)

As far as "every detail" goes, I feel like the imagery could be more in depth in some areas with pulling on the sense of smell. Scent is closely linked to memory and could be useful in trying to provoke even more emotions within the reader. It could be brought up with the smell of the popcorn that they shared or maybe even just mentioning the scent of the shampoo they used? Little things like that would really add to the "every detail" part.

I'm not sure if I have that much else to say! This was really sweet.

I do hope that you'll keep on writing!

-Adrian, Knight of RED

This was perfect. :')

Hello! Waffle here for a short review.

This gives me a new perspective on life and love. I felt so full and happy at the beginning, and towards the middle I was dancing with delight, but at the end... All the gayness drained, and left me with the truth and the reality.

In the end, weather together or separately, each and every one of us will die out.
But feeling that sickening relief of knowing you will die and the pain will wash away is almost heartbreaking. Thank you for this new perspective. I will use it wisely, and I am encouraging friends to come and read this. This deserves the spotlight. Keep writing!

Waffle~

*Perpetual tears*

Hi, I am xv0nillaWriterx,you can call me vanilla! ; > I am here to review your poem. First things first, i love your poem and it is so romantic and lovely. A couple together and remembering each other when they met and where they went. But, add some feelings inside like " My tears went down in my cheeks and i know it is happy tears, smiling and my mind fill with memories of us." And at least describe it. And i like the way you started a stanza with a question ( “Do you remember when we were young?” ) (“Do you remember our first kiss?”) And you answer it in a poem way and that is incredible. I love your poem and it is romantic and lovely and next time add the emotions or feelings, and you don't have to if you don't want to. It is your OWN story NOT mine so you can add emotions or feelings if you want to. Thank you for reading this review and i want you keep writing poems and stories. Happy Writing!!!!!

Did you really have to make me cry today?

I'm speechless! It's such a beautiful, gentle poem. I really loved it. <3

Woah. That poem almost made me speechless. I knew, but didn't know at the same time that the ending was going to be like that. At first, I was going through the stanzas like, "Okay, not bad. It's really cute." When I read the last stanza I was amazed. It almost brought tears to my eyes. And trust me. I'm not the type to cry. Like I usually don't at all. That may sound like I'm cold-hearted and I don't care, which is not true. I just don't cry much.

Consider this as a job well done,ChocolateCello. This poem is very deep and your grammar isn't bad. I would like to see more of your work. That is, if you don't mind. Keep writing.

-From A Fellow Writer 1998

Hey ChocolateCello! First of all, I just wanted to say this poem brought tears to my eyes. The first three stanzas were sweet, and I liked how you referred the them throughout the rest of the poem when you created that rhythm. Although it was free verse, I felt it was smooth and easy to read. I didn't love the fifth stanza as much as I loved the rest, so if you were to change anything that would be my suggestion. The last two lines could use some improving. The last two stanzas, though, took my breath away. At that point I was so immersed in the experience and filled with emotions that I almost cried. I absolutely love how it came full circle in the end, because it draws everything to a close. Also, I like how you describe the character's death as the heart monitor changing from "a steady beat to a constant note". Overall, job well done, keep up the great work!

To start with, this poem is very well done in providing a short but sweet emotional experience for the audience, I absolutely became immersed with it. Considering this is a free verse and has little grammatical or spelling errors I couldn't really find many cons about it, but if this poem did have rules in rhythm and rhyme this would be a masterpiece, this is my opinion and as an author you are free to do whatever you feel please note. I will also say the fourth and fifth stanzas are fine but the sixth was absolutely phenomenal in immersion, I felt really taken away and if the 4th and 5th could compete with it, holy moly, would this absolutely destroy someone emotionally, a good thing. Now to the good stuff, the pros: I noticed after the end when I noticed the unisex style which is a huge plus in my book considering I didn't notice until my overall review, so kudos on that. Overall this poem is excellent and made my day, but if you wanted to really roll up your sleeves and absolutely pour yourself into this, it could be phenomenal. Keep at it!

Hi ChocolateCello, Felistia here with a short review on your poem.
First off I just want to congratulate you on the amount of emotion you managed to work into here. Well done.

The poem flow okay though I think the lines should be more similar in length, but that's just my opinion.
There are a few words in here that are a little repetitive like in these lines
( You met my gaze and blushed.

I met your gaze and smiled.)

You could write it like this
(You met my gaze and blushed.

I met your blue eyes and smiled.)
Yet again just an opinion.

Over all the poem is great and the ending reminds me a lot of the movie Up.
Well done and I look forwarded to more of your work. Have a great day\night.