Hi there Lacy! Here to review 
Summer rain pours down,
So fast.
Instantly, you start us off with a very telly first two lines. I don't even have an image in my mind, all I can wonder is how rain goes 'fast'. I've never heard of that before, and maybe that's why it's so odd to me. Hard, yes, in torrents, yes, but never 'fast'. Plus, it's not very colorful word choice either. If you picked someone off the streets and asked them to write a poem, you could expect something like this from that person. Not to say that your writing is terrible, quite the opposite. I've read your work before, and I know you could do much much better. So think about word choices, and try and be a little more colorful.
We used to run through it,
Crossing the street from the bar;
And find shelter from it to share a cigarette.
Here, you change from present to past tense, and it's rather abrupt. We already felt the rain on our backs, and now you're talking about what we used to do when it rained? It's better to keep one tense throughout, because otherwise the readers get confused as to whether we're remembering or experiencing.
Six months go by and I still remember when we were blooming.
But oh, how we wilted so fast.
I still keep the petals.
Now this, this is really good. The metaphor is there, and it's quite nostalgic when you say that you still keep the petals. If you had started the poem off with this, I think you might have had a different, more mature poem.
The dead rose scent will never smell as sweet as you,
When you would lay your body next to mine.
The scent of your skin put me to bed.
You wrapped around me so tight I thought you'd never let me go.
These lines are a little repetitive. You're talking about skin and bodies, and I just feel like by the last two lines in the quote, I'm re-reading what I just read. I would, if I was you, consider changing combing and deleting the four lines together. The ones talking about skin being put together, and the same with the two about bodies.
I will never fall asleep these summer nights
This is the third time you've talked about summer nights! You don't need to keep repeating yourself. Think of different ways to say them.
Darling, you've got a great start. There are some lines that are chock full of promise, you just need to cultivate them to make them better, and make the ones that weren't so good flower. Keep up the fantastic work, and let me know if you have any questions!
--Spark
Points: 2099
Reviews: 355
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