Adam

This shares my name (random comment)

Hi love! I'm back to review you (again) heeeheee. I'm winning this reviewing war, currently, so yay!

I actually feel like this one was the least developed of all of the poems I've read of yours. There's no imagery, whatsoever. I was so excited to read this one, because I personally love it when poems have names as titles, but I'm not going to lie when I say it disappointed me a little. There was some good stuff though, so don't despair yet!

Let's talk about your voice. Your voice is very defeated. There's not any hope in it, nothing. It sounds very dead, and that's really sad, because poems like these need to feel hopeful. I feel like there's a lot you're not telling us, as well, but unlike usually, I don't like imaging it. Because there's nothing to imagine. You've given us nothing. You need to make the narrator resist letting him back in, at least, just to make us believe she feels something. And if she doesn't feel anything, explore it! Explore the numbness from too much pain. Tell us about how she feels. Don't just tell us she let him back in ad end it at that.

However, I love the title. The title is awesome. And it's a really good start, just work on it.

-Spark

Willow C. here, Now get off my law-
Whoops, wrong entrance, I aplolgize for my personality.

First the title, it's not always the best idea to use a name so keep that in mind. If you ever wanted to send this out to be published they might not accept it because the name could be taken as an insult to whoever it's based on.

Secondly, the first stanza indicates a sort of word-based game tone. A poet's job is to create an interesting way to tell a story. Just saying that it happened isn't enough. Consider the following...

I walk into a room with Bob
Bob, nervously held on to my arm as we walked,
The walls secrete a green slime.
We instinctively head for the stairs to escape the slime.

...this gives very little information to effect the reader's emotion. Consider this...

Me and Bob sneak into the basement of the old crooked house.
It was dark and Bob's nails were cutting into my arm.
Suddenly the walls began to glisten as the slime rained down from the walls.
Me and Bob ran back to the stairs in fear of the beast...

See, more depth = more interesting.

See ya,
-Willow C.

This is so beautiful. Do you mind if I put some music to it, make it into a song? For private use only.

My page stopped reloading when I submitted this so I refreshed it O.O I didn't know it would resubmit this comment gah ><

Hi there, Alpha here to review your poem.

I love how powerful the emotions are here. Description is minimal yet what we have of it sets the scene up clearly in my mind. All the lines scream of heart-break and sadness. My only note is the ending, namely the two lines: "It's nothing like before" and "Is another failed attempt to stop you". The last word of every other lines in that verse rhyme; so do other short verses in the poem. The fact that the aforementioned lines do NOT rhyme kinda takes away some of the power of the poem, at least for me.

Of course, you can choose not to implement my suggestion, it is up to you. I'd love to read more of your work soon

Keep on writing! Cheers,
Alpha