Sad Spring

Hey girly! I'm reviewing you again, and if you want to know why, it's because I'm in the midst of a reviewing war, and I really like you're writing style!

Unlike my last review, I'm going to talk about formatting in this one, and you can take what I'm talking about in this one and apply it to your other one, if you wish.

Your formatting here feels really chunky, actually. Your message is kind of getting lost inside the long lines, like a good paragraph gets lots in a big chunk of text in a prose piece. When the lines are smaller and spaced out, it's easier to read, and the breaks feel more natural. While these, do not.

Moving on. The beginning, where you start with "Sad Spring" has me kind of confused. I'm hoping you just put the title there and forgot to bold it or separate it from the poem, because if not, I'm going to tell you it feels really redundant. I'm the kind of poet who's poem usually has nothing do with the content, and if it does, it's a broad over view. And that's my personal taste. I feel like it sets a very set tone for your poem, because I already knew it was called Sad Spring. If you had placed Sad Spring later into the poem, I would have enjoyed it a lot more, but I really didn't like it at the beginning.
After that, it gets a lot better. You have a real gift for metaphors, dear, when you let yourself. From what I've read of yours, I feel like sometimes you get too caught on what you want to say instead of letting the poem just be. It feels forced sometimes, and then other times you let beautiful metaphors just flow out, and the feel a lot smoother, and like I said in the other review, more mature.

When you start talking about Winter being a blindfold, I start seeing where the title fits into the poem, where it didn't before. Not only that, but I love the winter line, and I think it's the best part of the whole piece. If I were you, I'd consider doing some rearranging in this poem, moving the winter line to the beginning and following it with the second two lines, to where it would look like this-

Winter was a blindfold that stayed tied tight until a spring night loosened it unexpectedly.
How can a broken heart feel suddenly so heavy,
When you knew that it was swollen with doubt and lies from the beginning?

The imagery of the poem. The feeling of loss has also been vividly portrayed. The good thing about the poem is its economy of words. You have demonstrated that with simple and less words the inner feelings can be given vent through the poems.

Another thing that struck me was the way you have connected the seasons with the events of life.

But my favourite line of the poem is

Than the lasers that splashed across your face on the dance floor.

Keep writing.

Thanks

This is so short yet so powerful. It really struck a note in my heart :') I know what this poem means. The part tht literally made me tear up is


"When it fell, the truth that had been missing since July was more sharp and obvious

Than the lasers that splashed across your face on the dance floor.

Worse than the deceit and overwhelming abandon,

Is the fact that I fell for it.

Love your work so much you're so talented xxx, Claire

Hiya ^_^

I love the title, first off.
I think we learn to deal with broken hearts, until something namly a memory sets them off.
In the 4th lie you may have left out some punctuation, but I love to write without punctuation so i'm not the best judge on the subject. I look past the punctuation for the meaning, I feel if a poem is spelled correctly then it's fine.
I enjoy one word lines very much....such power

"When it fell, the truth that had been missing since July was more sharp and obvious" This is my favorite part of the poem <3

Very great ending to sum up a very great poem

Keep writing

JC