A Beautiful Mess

Hello ChasingLaci! I was scrolling through the poetry section looking for something to review, and your title caught my eye! "A Beautiful Mess". It sounds happy and sad at the same time.

I died at the thought.

It's hard to say how I feel.

Mostly indifferent,

I thought.

The fantasy seems reachable,

I want to believe every word like I did before.

I know better now.

You will never be what you've told me,

We will never be how you've said.

Every promise is empty,

A beautiful mess.

Easy to believe,

So hard to forget.

Sad yet poignant. This subject matter of promise, followed by heartbreak provides immense potential to work on. You have done justice to it with your play of words. I mean the sadness comes out clearly through the narration.
The realization of the promised left unfulfilled makes the narrator emphatically proclaim that it's 'a beautiful mess'

Hope this helps.
Keep writing.

Sad yet poignant. This subject matter of promise, followed by heartbreak provides immense potential to work on. You have done justice to it with your play of words. I mean the sadness comes out clearly through the narration.
The realization of the promised left unfulfilled makes the narrator emphatically proclaim that it's 'a beautiful mess'

Hope this helps.
Keep writing.

Hiya ^_^

This is so refreshing, subject matter I write about alot; heartbreak & sadness. Such power and emotions, everything is so clear to me.
"You wish I were closer.I died at the thought." This is my favorite part. It's very strong.
Sadly we do learn many times we cannot trust the person that meant so much. "A beautiful mess" I feel so safe with this poem it feels like my own.

We must write together!

Great poem <3

JC

"Every promise is empty,
A beautiful mess."

Those words just get me everytime I read through the poem. How can a promise be so empty yet attempt to be beautiful at the same time? That's just freaking magical.

Anywho, I'll try and review this work of yours and see where it goes. I like how there's a premise of a story within the poem. You remind me so much of poets as of this current time, who actually write loads of poems which also function as a series of stories. That's good. A narrative poem usually gets loads of attention since it's far more relatable and far easier to detect feelings lying underneath. I think that's what I like most about it.

Though one line did confuse me, which is this:

"We will never be how you've said,"

I am puzzled at where that line relates, considering the way the comma was used at the end of the line. I try to look within the premise of that line and I just get lost into thinking about it. Something was just unclear about it, though it may be because the narrator of the poem knows something I don't, which sorts of lead the poem off-track.

Despite that, this is a wonderful work. I like how you've done it. It was simple, modern and you use such beautiful lines. Keep it up!

~ Coralyn

I love this I can so relate to it my favorite part is
You called yesterday,

But it wasn't enough.

You said you wanted me there,

You wish I were closer.

I died at the thought.

It's hard to say how I feel.

Mostly indifferent,

I thought.

But when you bring up "us",

I'm speechless.

I'm speechless too :O You're an incredible writer keep posting xxx