Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
-Socrates
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Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tic-tac-tap-tac-tic-tac-
The man stopped typing suddenly, turning his head to examine the small clock on his desk. A scaled-down replica of a grandfather clock, minute and precise in detail. It shone bleakly in the soulless blue light of his desktop monitor, it's iron tongues speaking half-past midnight.
The man sighed, casting his weary eyes back upon the harsh light of the screen. His fingers scrambled hastily over the keys, typing out a report. His eyes quickly flicked over what he had written before continuing, detailing the most specific aspects of his target.
His hand went to the cigarette tucked between his lips, pulling it out briefly to release a cloud of smoke. In a way, it made him feel justified, like a machine that had long gone obsolete.
No. He tossed the infernal stick of death to the side, setting a small paper bonfire in his waste-basket. He could not think that. As long as he drew breath, he had an obligation to fulfill.
...That is, if he was even still alive. He held two fingers to his neck and felt a pulse. Unfortunately, he was.
He dragged his mouse across the table, scrolling up in his document. He disregarded the enormous wall of text before him, coming to two pictures at the top. One was a picture of a Hispanic boy, singled out in what seemed like a group picture that had been cropped. A bit of a heavier child, a delighted smile seemed to light up his face.
The second one was of a man bound by mechanical appendages, screaming in palpable agony. But this man was clearly no ordinary human. He was naked from the waist up, of average build. And his skin was made of silver.
His expression was quite readable though. It was one such "Oh God why are you doing this to me" variety of countenance. But each and every inch of his body had been remarkably painted over with a reflective chrome sheen.
The man at the desk buried his face in his hands, sighing. He had quite a handful to contend with.
Eventually, he became irritated at the plodding indifference of the clock. Tick. Tock. Time always ambled precariously on, regardless of who or what was caught beneath the wheels that moved it forward.
But fools were a common part of history. The fools who shunned creation, sought quarrel, and reaped lives, ignorant to what they viewed as mere collateral.
But were they or he to blame for this situation? Perhaps he was one of the second variety of fools. One fool starts a fire, the other accidentally fuels it.
Remembering the actual fire, he stomped viciously in his waste-basket, quickly smothering the flame.
"Whatever," he whispered finally, slumping back. It made no difference. He had created this mess, and he was going to fix it.
Above the two pictures of the silver-skinned man was a title-space. The man at the desk scratched his head wearily and typed in the victim's information.
Project Alchemy, Test Subject 003: Victor Hernandez, aka "Silverdeath."
The man clasped his hands behind his head, leaning back in his computer chair. He ached for a cigarette. "So, this is how it begins," he mused quietly. He focused his eyes on the picture of the screaming man. "Time to hunt you down, abomination." His eyes flicked to the picture of the child, laughing among comrades. "My old friend."
Closing out his document, Professor Quinton Socrates switched his computer off, pushing off from his chair. Standing up, he rubbed his eyes, yawned, and left the dark room, lighting a cigarette on his way out. Tick, tock. Time was truly a meaningless observation.
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Socrates the Madman - Chapter TwoPoints:
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140,681 Literary Works • 673,591 Reviews
Happy Review Day!
Saw that you had requested this to be reviewed, so here I am!
Just a disclaimer before I dive in, I tend to be a little blunt when I review/edit, so please know it's nothing personal and I'm just trying to help! Thanks!
Okay, let's get into it
Wow! I really, really like this. There are a few very, very minor details that threw me off, but most of it was awesome!
So this main character seems almost bored, or maybe depressed? I was kind of confused as to which one, and I know that when just reviewing one chapter it's hard because you, as the writer, know that in further chapters this will be further explained, but I'm just going to point these things out in case you forgot about them.
So what does this guy do for a living? Does he profile people? Is this a science fiction story? This wasn't very clear in this chapter.
Also, is he trying to stop smoking? or does he not usually smoke? I'm kinda confused on that as well.
I will give you credit to you descriptions and showing instead of telling, I like you did a very good job with that! I honestly really, really liked a lot of the descriptions you gave here! Even the sounds that you described, spot on!
In conclusion, I do believe that this has a lot of potential, It just needs a few edits. I believe this is only your first draft, and if it is, that's a very awesome thing! I believe a second draft is necessary, but I don't really see the need of a third draft, unless you forgot to change some things that I or previous reviewers have mentioned!
Good job, excited to see where this goes
-Del
Hello Chaser,
---Alright, so lets start with the beginning paragraph shall we. The first thing that really caught my attention was your character stopped suddenly and then looked at a clock. My question to you is why would a clock make someone almost 'jumpy'? Second I really like the whole table sized grandfather clock thing, it just fits perfectly in my mind so good job with that. My last thing that I want to say is that what I highlighted in red doesn't make sense. How can light be soulless if you never really think of light for having a soul? My suggestion would to be changing up your word play here, make it seem a little more realistic. (If you get what I mean).Myjaspercat here for a review...
I know it's been awhile since this was in the green room but I want to review the piece that is so I decided to start from the beginning; therefore I know the whole story up until that point. Anyways, onwards...
---Ok, first even though it's not in the same sentence, you used the word eyes twice and it just makes your writing seem very clumpy; kind of drags it down. Suggestion: find new words. Second I would suggest adding 'the' instead of the 'a' before 'report'.
---Ok so this just doesn't make much sense to me. For one, he smokes and normally people who smoke don't really think of the bad that it could do. Secondly the representation you used to describe the cigarette just seems off and weird, it's like you tried to hard.
---Why does this man seem so depressed? What happened to him that made him feel this way? There has to be a reason for everything and I would like to know (as your reader) what that reason is.
---Again with the repeating of words...
Overall I thought that this was a pretty good first draft. I really liked your detail though I did feel that at times you either lacked in detail or it seemed to be to stressed. Make sure you keep everything consistent; but still without dragging down the piece as a whole.
Second, while I read this I thought of the person as maybe late teen early twenties because of the way he was processing things and of the way he kind of spoke to himself. The problem there is that apparently 'he' is a professor meaning he can't be that young. Like wise with detail you want to make your dialogue and thoughts of the character seem real, make this man grow up a bit.
Anyways that is all I have to say for now, if you have any questions feel free to ask. Good luck and continue writing. ---Myjaspercat
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"Science fiction is the art of the possible not the impossible." -Ray Bradbury
Hello! Ryu-Matt-Southbound-Cevenost here to give you a review!
Okay, first off, when I read the title, I was thinking of the Greek philosopher Socrates, who've I study a lot of. Anyway, to the story!
Though it was detailed, I found it lacking in drama, nothing to give it.. Flare. Then again, I have been up for two days so my brain has gone haywire, at the moment. I'll probably return to this book later, if I can, and re-read it.
It was very detailed in some spots, but lacking anything to give it spark, or flare, or spice it up, if that is the type of word you might use. It's good for a lot of people, but to me it seemed like it isn't an attention grabber, no cliffhanger, nothing to grab the audience and hold them by the edge of their seat.
in conclusion, you might want to add some drama/flare/spice/spark if you want a better story line. I know how hard it is to write a book, and I know you can't please everyone. Do what you think is best, but I'm just giving you my honest opinion and I am not trying to be rude or anything(mean) to you, I'm just trying to give you a good review. I'm sorry if this upsets you, as I do not mean to do that, I just think this could use a little more.
Sincerely,
Ryu-Matt-Southbound-Cevenost
So to be sure I understood this right, it's about a professor of science trying to use alchemy to create something? His creation started killing? He is now heading out to find and kill his creation? His alchemic creation was made from a friend of his?
I would like to ask if the time or era it takes place in will be obvious later, or if that will be unexplained?
This was really good, and definitely different from your previous story. I'm looking forward to a FMA type story, at least that's what it seems like, a Full Metal Alchemist type story. Would love to get a notification when you publish chapters.
Hi Chaser! Jules here for a review.
Firstly, this was a great piece. I really liked it and hope to read more; I'm definitely going to follow this story.
I didn't see any grammar or spelling mistakes, and I'm quite keen on weeding those out, so I guess I'll just talk about what I liked.
The way you write, the words you use, it's all incredible. You describe things in a way that isn't quite forceful or overdoing it, but also not leaving the reader to wonder what to imagine. I particularly enjoyed how you described the clock:
It painted a picture in my mind and I'm not quite used to that (as most of what I read is my own writing, which is usually far from descriptive).
"Silverdeath" is an awesome name and I slightly wish that I'd thought of it first, to use for my own story.
What I got from this chapter is that this will be the story of a detective
of sorts. I'm excited to see where this all goes and I'll definitely read more.Please keep me posted as to when you update it!
Keep writing!
-Jules