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"MINE!!!" Silverdeath roared, reaching forward as though to crush Socrates between his hands.
Socrates dived forward, rolling out of the way. His heartbeat had quickened, ricocheting around in his chest in a state of panic. And somehow, the fear thrilled him, filling him with the excitement of a new discovery. He grinned. He truly was a mad scientist.
Silverdeath whirled around to face the professor, hurling a glob of poisonous mercury from his hand. Socrates doubled over backwards, watching the sphere of liquid sail over his head. It splashed to the floor, harmless.
Silverdeath growled, relentlessly tossing three more in quick succession. Droplets of mercury stained on Socrates' clothes as he narrowly dodged each one.
"That all you got?" Socrates taunted, his body unscathed.
"Mine," Silverdeath growled, raising his hands, palms out. Quicker than Socrates could blink, they metamorphosed into vicious Gatling guns, each sporting eight barrels that shone with gruesome murder. He aimed the guns forward, and they began to spin.
Socrates made a mental note to kick himself later.
A spray of silver bullets erupted from Silverdeath's arms, sparking through the air. Socrates' only thought was to move, and he dove, rolled, and dodged in and out of the chrome-shelled fusillade. The bullets ripped past him, barely touching his skin. Each one whistled by as Silverdeath kept up the assault, roaring bestially. Socrates forced himself to keep calm, but even he was starting to see his disadvantage.
Eventually, the silver hailstorm abated, the final bullets clattering to the floor. Socrates glanced at Silverdeath and discovered why.
Silverdeath had been reduced to the size of an action figure. All of the mercury that had made up his body was now splattered on the gold piles. Still, he took a confident stance at five inches tall.
"Really?" Socrates said incredulously.
"Really." Silverdeath's voice was hilariously high-pitched.
Silverdeath waved his arms wildly, as though conducting a symphony. And that was what tipped Socrates off.
He swiveled his head in panic. The bullets that Silverdeath had been shooting at him had melted back into liquid, and formed a quicksilver ring around his feet.
Socrates grunted. "You little sh-"
Needles burst from the pool of mercury, stabbing through his body at all directions. Socrates screamed, his body erupting in agony. The silver blades receded, and then stabbed back once more!
Silverdeath grinned as he willed the liquid to impale the professor again and again, each wave of his arms timed with the wet slide of the mercury needles through Socrates' body, and a primal roar of torment. His howls echoed through the empty casino.
Eventually, the silver lacerations stopped, and Silverdeath called the pool back to his body, rising to full height once more.
The emaciated professor staggered, gasping for air as golden blood leaked from his wounds. If I were human, I would be dead, he thought fearfully. A splitting headache washed over him, assailing him with excruciating pain. "Mercury poisoning," he gasped.
Socrates clutched his head, groaning, helpless as the monster flowed towards him through a hazy blur. He desperately willed his feet to move. They refused.
The silver beast loomed over him, shining a grin of daggers. Socrates could see his own face reflected in each one. Was that...fear, in his eyes?
He quickly sealed that emotion away. "Why?" he asked, looking up at Silverdeath. "Why must you take?"
The mercury being gave no reply, slowly dragging his arm-blade across Socrates' shoulder. The professor winced as blood leaked from the cut, running down his arm.
Still wearing an ominous grin, Silverdeath placed his hand over the wound, clamping down like a vise on the golden gash. Socrates gasped as pain shot through his arm.
"Die." Silverdeath's hand began to melt into the wound, mixing with the golden blood, and leaking into Socrates' body.
His eyes glinted with the mad glee of vengeance. "I'm going to rip you apart, mi amigo. Until there's nothing left for you to regenerate."
Socrates felt panic shoot through his heart, forcing the tainted blood through his body. He gritted his teeth. Why couldn't he control his fear?
"So," Silverdeath continued, poison still pumping through his arm. "You want to know why I take? Don't kid me. You already know what I have suffered." His grip tightened with every word, crushing Socrates' shoulder, torturing him.
"I was born with nothing, remember? You, Wendy, Luke, and the others? You never knew what it was like to go hungry. You never knew what it was like to beg and plead in a world that despised you." Silverdeath's eyes widened, and he leaned in close to Socrates' face. "You never knew the fear that you would die the next day! The helplessness of nobody caring about you! I have worked for everything I possess, and I refuse to let this selfish world take any of it! I owe you nothing!"
Removing his hand, he drew back, seething. Socrates staggered as waves of pain washed over him. "Owe...me nothing?" he panted. "Don't...be ridiculous. I gave you your life back, you idiot."
His vision suddenly focused, and he stared Silverdeath in the eye. "You think you're the only one who knows what the world's really like? We've all tasted death. All seven of us, Vic. And to think that you would try to justify yourself with a selfish view like that is-" He broke off, regaining his composure. "Disgraceful."
Socrates yelled as the silver blood burst from his shoulder, splashing onto the floor. His golden ichor flooded out, expelling the quicksilver from his bloodstream. Breathing heavily, he stood there, his hand clenched on his arm. The gold that had burst from his shoulder trickled down to his hands, encasing them in a brilliant luster.
For the first time, shock registered on Silverdeath's face. But it quickly faded into rage. "Damn you," he spat. Blades suddenly sprouted from his body, completely covering his skin like silver porcupine quills. His eyes blazed with rage. "DAMN YOU!" He surged forward, wildly charging in.
Socrates fell back under the relentless assault, dodging each blow as it came.
"Damn you, Quinton," Silverdeath seethed, "You asshole! You think you're better than me, don't you?" he roared as he swung hundreds of quicksilver blades. "Don't you!"
The professor ducked beneath the reckless lariat, his face impassive. "Perhaps you're right," he mused. Reaching into his pocket, he withdrew a miniature pistol. "But even so," he continued, "what of it?" Aiming the pistol up, he fired point-blank into Silverdeath's chest.
A sheet of frost spread from where the bullet penetrated the body, creeping over Silverdeath's chest and bringing the blitzkrieg to a halt. "What..." Silverdeath froze in his tracks, his body completely encased in ice.
Socrates blew smoke from the barrel of his pistol, holstering it once more. "I've collected more than enough data to continue the project. Thank you for your time, 003. But I'll have to get going if I want to catch the train." He walked up to the silver statue, and punched it, shattering Silverdeath into a million pieces. "Hasta la vista, Victor Hernandez."
Lighting a cigarette, he strolled out of the casino, flipping and catching a gold coin as he went.
End of chapter
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140,681 Literary Works • 673,591 Reviews
I haven't read the previous chapters, but I saw this in the green room so thought I'd chime in. Naturally I have no idea what's going on, but I pictured a fight between two mad scientists and I thought that was hilarious. A fun chapter, for sure!
I'll avoid saying too much about plot or character, because I'm coming into it so late. I noticed a few things about technique that are worth mentioning, though.
The first is that the names of the characters are repeated a lot. Silverdeath, Socrates, Silverdeath, Socrates. It got a bit tiring to see them over and over. It's REALLY hard to deal with the pronouns when it's a scene between two characters of the same gender--I know! I've sat around scratching my head over every single he vs. name usage before, and it looks like you're probably going to be in the same boat. Sometimes it will be obvious which he is which. I noticed that if I go really slow and analyse it, I keep thinking it's more ambiguous than it actually is if I read quickly. I guess my recommendation would be to fiddle around with it, go overboard on the pronouns and then ease it back from there.
The other thing was that you use a lot of adverbs. I felt this really weakened a lot of the action/descriptions. I like to think of adverbs as a sign that you haven't thought of the best verb yet, and I'm always saying how verbs are our most powerful descriptive tools. I'd suggest doing a search and destroy for adverbs and see if you can replace them with more vivid verbs.
Good luck and happy writing!
There are exclamation marks (three of them) to show that he roars, so the block letters are not needed. "Mine!!!" should suffice.
"And somehow the fear thrilled him, ..." no need for comma. Hyphens are fun and effective - you can use them here: "He grinned - he was truly a mad scientist."
This is poisonous mercury we're talking about, right? If it is, then it is no way harmless. I think what you're trying to say is it's not effective. "It splashed to the floor, fail to give harm to Socrates."
Flowed? What do you mean with "flowed"? Explain this to me please.
Again, there's no need for block letters. They're used for official matters and not needed here.
Overall, you have a quite nice grasp on what's action is about and how to make a piece suspenseful. I got the feeling here, the thrill, and that means you have done your job well. I just don't feel Socrates' character deep enough. Like this part:
Don't just throw in Vic's view is disgraceful because it's selfish. That's a quick judgement. You can go deeper with this, justify more Socrates' view that Vic's is disgraceful. These lines can do well to emphasize his character.
The end is quite surprising. Socrates was gathering data after all? Everything has been planned. He is bound to win, I think, what's with the miniature gun being his trump card (which he had the entire time). The project is interesting but not too interesting to keep me continue reading it. I hope you can paraphrase it and perhaps make a cliffhanger at the end to hook the reader's attention. That is all from me! Keep up the good job!