Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
Socrates leapt backwards, high into the air, as Silverdeath rushed forward, enveloping the counter in his silvery mass. Perching on a pile of gold, he tossed the flamethrower aside, withdrawing a pen and pad in replacement. He hastily scribbled his findings, muttering, "Gained...exceptional...control, capable... of...form changes." Stowing his pad back in his coat, he readied himself once more. "I need more data," he said to nobody in particular.
The hidden blade sprung into his hand, a half-meter edge of titanium alloy, glinting readily. Leaping forward, Socrates lunged at Silverdeath, ready for a fight to the last.
The chrome-skinned man thrust his armblade forth, screaming in unison. Socrates jerked his head to the side as Silverdeath's blade sparked along his own, barely missing his neck.
Ducking underneath the clash of steel, he swung his blade low, brutally slashing across Silverdeath's torso. It shamed him to admit that the monster's cry of pain gave him a certain satisfaction.
Rolling to the side, he turned to face Silverdeath, mildly surprised. The skin where he had cut was writhing, pulsating with a mind of its own. Slowly, it melded back into shape, leaving no trace that Socrates had scored his little victory at all. And he had to admit, that irked him greatly.
But still, it wasn't his place to win. Whipping out his paper again, he quickly continued his report. "Able...to...heal...minor...-" He was cut off by by the impact to his face, crushing his nose, catapulting him back into the mountain of gold. Silverdeath was breathing heavily, his fist still raised in front of him.
Socrates lay there for a moment, contemplating, letting eerie silence pervade the air. Giving nothing away, the professor picked himself up from the bed of gold. "I suppose I could always take notes later," he muttered. He cracked his nose, feeling the broken bone healing. Stooping, he picked up a coin from the pile, stowing it in his pocket. He calmly wiped a trickle of ichor from the corner of his mouth. Then he struck.
Lunging forward with superhuman speed, he stabbed viciously at Silverdeath's face. The quicksilver being deflected the blow with a smirk.
They engaged each other in a whirl of sparks, each one an immortal, each one capable of tearing the other to shreds. Socrates landed the first blow, slicing at Silverdeath's ear. Silverdeath howled in agony, striking in turn at Socrates, who dodged at the last second.
"So you can feel pain," Socrates murmured beneath the din of clashing blades.
The two combatants dashed around each other, lashing out with their swords, and each would be escaped by their opponent. Socrates grunted as he began to feel the strain of each blow. Silverdeath remained as explosive as ever, a savage light brewing in his eyes.
Suddenly, Silverdeath misjudged Socrates' position, slicing to the left as he darted right. The professor, seeing the opening, didn't hesitate, swinging for Silverdeath's neck. Swiftly, deftly, he decapitated his opponent. Silverdeath opened his eyes wide in disbelief, his face frozen in shock as his head flew off. And the only sound that could be heard was the gurgling of his argent blood, spilling from his neck as his body toppled to the floor.
"Looks like you lost your head, Vic." Flicking the leftover mercury from his blade, Socrates regarded the body of his defeated foe. "Interesting, but primitive. A disappointment," he remarked conclusively.
His glance flicked from his watch to Silverdeath's cadaver sprawled out before him. "Back to normal in about two hours," he mused. Just as well. Even he had no idea how to kill an Alchemic. The fact irritated him immensely.
Shoving his hands in his pockets, he packed up his notepad and flamethrower, heading for the door. Stuffing a cigarette between his lips, he was about to light it before a voice stopped him. "Wait."
Turning around, Socrates stared at who had spoken. Silverdeath's head was facing him, speaking from where it lay on the ground. "Your pocket," he croaked.
"Yes, what about it?"
"You took....my gold...." Silverdeath's face was drawn in blind agony.
Slipping his hand into his pocket, Socrates withdrew the golden coin, flipping and catching it. "I suppose I did. Even so, what of it?"
Silverdeath's eyes opened wide, lips drawn in a snarl. "It's mine...," he hissed.
Socrates watched, astounded, as Silverdeath, body and head, melted into a puddle of silvery liquid, trickling towards him with a mind of its own. It pooled in front of him, and a hand burst up from the mire. Silverdeath rose up, towering over the professor, his face a shadowed scowl. "Mine...," he growled, his fingers and teeth sharpened into deadly blades.
A bemused smirk blessed Socrates' features. "I do so abhor being incorrect," he said, looking up at the beast before him. "But I'll accept it just this once."
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125,004 Literary Works • 672,792 Reviews
Hello and happy review day!
I haven't read the previous chapters so I will be looking at this as a part of a greater whole.
Who is "he" here? Socrates or Silverdeath?
The underlined portion is a little redundant. I think you could take out the "leaping forward" part. It's just a preposition.
Also, "fight to the last" - if that's a term from the world you've going on here, then no worries. I've just never heard that before and it kind of took me back. I usually hear "fight to the death".
Again who is "he"? I figured it out by the end of the sentence, but since you're dealing with two men here, I would always use their names unless it's super super obvious.
I thought they were "fighting to the last" - wouldn't that make winning kind of important?
This might be a character thing or something I missed because I haven't read previous chapters, but it seems a little odd that he's taking the time to grab paper and write things down in the middle of a fight. It really can't wait? Seems a little dangerous...
Interesting, interesting!
I thought you did a really nice job with this fight scene. I think fight scenes are really, really hard to do well so it's not a boring play by play of what's going on. You had enough description that I clearly understood what was going on, but not to the point that it was boring. You kept the suspense going and made me want to keep reading to see who was going to come out on top.
You also did a really nice job bringing in details about the world. Again, because I haven't read the beginning chapters I'm coming in blind and without any ideas about this world. I liked that you slipped in details about what these characters are and what some of their abilities and powers are without breaking things up with a boring info-dump.
The ending confused me a little bit. I understood that Silverdeath was decapitated but he'll be able to heal himself or whatever and come back but it will take some time. However, it seemed like he managed this at the end when he was talking to Socrates about gold. Is that what happened? If so, why wasn't Socrates more surprised? His reaction was so aloof and nonchalant.
Overall, really nice writing and really exciting chapter! Sorry this review was a little on the short side and maybe wasn't all that helpful, but I really liked it!
Hey there, yizhongt here to give a review.
I loved this chapter, it was full of action and the way you wrote it enabled me to imagine it vividly in my mind. The flow of the story was fast paced and action packed, it kept men at the edge. Really good. Honestly, I would like to see this fight in like an animation or a real life video.
I do however have a tiny nitpick with a word you chose to use in the beginning of the chapter.
Perching on a pile of gold, he tossed the flamethrower aside, withdrawing a pen and pad in replacement. He hastily scribbled his findings....
I would replace the word withdrawing with the word drew. In my opinion, the sentence might sound better if it went like this:
...he tossed the flamethrower aside, and drew a pen and pad in its place.
Anyways, its just what I think. You don't have to change it as it does not affect the reader in any negative way.
I don't see any spelling or grammar mistakes in the chapter. So that's good. Once again, I really enjoy reading this chapter. Looking forward for the next instalment. Keep on writing. Cheers !!