"Perhaps it was the wind," a consideration which took great might to comprehend. "Yes, it must have been the wind, it couldn't have been anything else," he found himself mouthing to an empty room. Though still upright in bed, he calmed his rushing heart. Senses numb, he slid into the duvet once more and quite unfortunate that he did. Perhaps if he had ceased twisting amongst the sheets, he would've heard the familiarly soft scrape of the door, or the gentle scuff of padded shoes on the hollow floorboards. What he did hear was the ring of a blade through the air. No sooner did the final sound fill his ears, the knife had pierced his throat. Any begs, cries he strained to utter were drowned out by croaky gurgles. Gurgles which perverted the tongue from forming words. What were once snowdrop linen sheets were now stained rose with the wine, pouring heartily from his neck, unrestrained by flailing fingers. Finally, the writhing ceased and he heaved a single dying breath; light and staunch with the sour reek of blood.
A gloved hand reached into the bed and took the rapidly cooling wrist of the newly deceased. With care, the assassin thrust a syringe into pale flesh, drawing what remained of the flesh's essence. Full now, the vial gleamed with a scarlet hue as it was swiftly removed and pocketed. Leaving the ornate dagger between the sheets, the night's visitor hastily departed. In time, the peaceful darkness fell upon the place once more as silence swarmed to feed upon the void. The coffin lid to the murder.
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I loved the way you used metaphors such ass when you described his blood as wine, or when you compared the darkness and silence to a coffin lid. And it makes me curious about why the assassin killed him, because you did a pretty good job of building up some suspense in the beginning, especially since the story wasn't very long. I also like your descriptions, they gave me a good idea about what was going on without being overly descriptive to the point where it got boring. So over all I really liked this short.
First off let me say that this imagery was clean cut and crisp, but still so sensory and beautiful. The story line is very interesting, and despite being a short plot very well developed. I am really craving a sequel to this now I want to know the deceased's story and what events had led up to this murder? Who is the assassin? As a stand alone story this works but needs a bit of development to be a strong short story, but personally I would like to hear more about this!
--Hanna
Hey CatInTheShower,
I loved the attention to detail and that the characters were so well developed. The story is really short for a short-story but I think that's what makes it so punchy. I loved your style and the way you described the entire setting and scene.
The story was a little gruesome for my taste, but that's just me anyway
The story, from the very first letter conveys this cold feeling.
Keep writing. Loved it.
MeredithGray