Young Writers Society

Hello Carlito! I'm here to help get this out of the Green Room as is the January goal! I don't think I've ever reviewed any of your work so even though I'm sure you know, I'm not here to discourage you. I'm here with good intentions and can hopefully help you out with the limited knowledge I have

In some weird twist of reality, the last week of March had me driving an hour to an ice rink I’d never been to so my little brother could participate in an eight week Special Olympics class with his physical therapy group.
A good first sentence as it gives us a clear idea of what's ahead. The only thing I want to say is that it is very long.

Jack’s limited verbal ability intimidated some, but I always understood him just fine.
Awww! You made my heart melt. I have a nephew with these types of disabilities!

Jack still practically skipping along beside me.
This would be okay but it was used just a few sentences before which makes it sound a bit repetitive.

When we got up to the table, a woman with a name tag with the ice rink logo that read “Barbara” gave us a big smile.
This read funny as I was going through it. I don't know if it was the wording or what but it felt really wordy compared to most of your sentences.

“Awesome, thank you.” I guided Jack away from the table and towards the area where Jack’s classmates were getting set up.
Here, the second Jack is unnecessary. I find his name is repeated a lot throughout this work and most of them are needed but where they aren't, maybe take them out. It, again, can be a little repetitive.

She’d worked with Jack a few times before. Jack immediately gave her a hug.
Same thing here

Other then that though, I really enjoyed it! I confess I saw it earlier in the Greenroom but haven't really had an interest in figure skating so didn't look into it. I can also say that I am pleasantly surprised! I love how you have Jack. He's so sweet and every time you described his way of communicating, it made me think of my nephew! You're right, their joy is the sweetest thing there is to see. It's so pure

I'm getting really good vibes off of this first chapter so I'll definitely be giving the second and future chapters a visit. If you could tag me in them, that'd be awesome!

Keep on the good work!
Honora

Hey Carlito!

I loved the original Liz+Zac so I'm super excited to read this!

However, this is all I can see when I try to open up and read chapter 1.1. Was it accidentally deleted, maybe?

Ok I am so ready to get back into this! (So much so that I'm using it to procrastinate from writing my own novel... oops).
To be honest, I have very vague memories of this book from the last time. I'm not 100% I read the whole thing but I definitely dipped in and out of it. Basically, I'm not sure I'm going to be great at comparing drafts so lemme know if that's something that would be useful to you because I'm happy to go flick through the previous version if it helps you at all! For now though, I'm going to start afresh and jump into the world of those crazy kids <3

In some weird twist of reality, the last week of March had me driving an hour to an ice rink I’d never been to so my little brother could participate in an eight-week Special Olympics class with his physical therapy group.

It was also a weird twist of fate that I was even privileged enough to accompany my brother for such a thing. Usually, our helicopter mom was the one scheduling and facilitating all of the therapy appointments and special things Jack did each week. But after she hurt her back moving boxes around, the responsibility fell to me.

“You ready buddy?” I looked in my rearview mirror at his eager face as I pulled into the surprisingly full parking lot of the [Name] Ice Arena.

Jack’s limited verbal ability intimidated some, but I always understood him just fine.

Zac, I thought his name was?

“I’m probably a nine. I think he’s a youth five?”

While Malina led Jack through some basic warm-up stretches, my eye naturally travelled back to Zac across the room talking to the student and parent that arrived to work with him. What was Mr. Junior World Medalist doing here? Didn’t he have the Olympics or something to prepare for?

There wasn’t much for me to do other than sit back and watch. Zac was tying the skates of the kid he was helping with a warm smile.

“Alright Jack, we’re going to learn how to fall and get back up,” Malina led. “I want you to bend your knees and we’ll slowly lower down to the ground and then practice getting back up again.”

I tried not to think about how much more complicated this would be once he was on the slippery ice, but that was what Malina and Roland were for.

It was no matter though. I put in the headphones I brought and cued up Scheherazade, one of my favorite symphonic suites, on my phone.

Once the moms starting to put on their skates, with about five minutes to go in the lesson portion, I figured I should do the same. Here goes nothing.