z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Fly

by Carina


“That’s not going to fly,” he tells me. “The aerodynamics are all wrong.”

I stare at my UAV—my Unmanned Aerial Vehicle, my recreational project that I have assembled myself for many years now. It is my treasure, my secret obsession. Today I have perfected it, and today I plan to fly it.

“Look at its airfoil,” he says while craning his neck to see it as I hold the little aircraft close to my chest. “That’s not going to fly with the fuselage. Gosh, the fuselage. Didn’t you run FloEFD on it?”

It was a project of mine, something I have worked on for a long time with a group of friends. It was a successful project at first; we have designed it based on our constraining budget, and together we watched the little plane grow into something magical—on the brink of life, fully designed, ready to be made and brought into the world.

“Come on,” he pestered on, giving me a cocky grin that read, I could really do better than that piece of junk. “Do you really think that thing will fly with its fuselage shaped like that? Oh, no. Don’t tell me you didn’t even design it out on Creo.”

I remember the field trip last year. We went to the aerospace headquarters and met up with the manager of the place, and when I asked him if there were any UAVs that the company was working on, he gave me a crinkly old smile and nodded, pointing to the corner of the room. It was a UAV. “I assembled this myself,” he said. “There are electro-optical sensors attached to it, and when I fly it, I drive it high up through the clouds to see the sky above it.”

“Are you listening to me?” he continued. “The fuselage is too big and bulky on one end, and that messes up the center of gravity. Your wings are too thin and long, and your airfoil does not fully support the plane.”

I remember when the whole team and I designed it. We high-fived each other, we smiled and laughed and celebrated. But when the time came, others surpassed us. We fell apart, one by one, at each little comment thrown at us.

“That won’t fly.”

“It’s all messed up.”

“Did you even run the tests?”

“It’s just going to fall.”

He took a step forward, his face scrunching up in serious irritation. “Don’t even try to fly it. You’ll only be disappointed.” He offered a hand towards me. “So let me help. I can help you.”

“The fuselage is too big.”

“The airfoil selection is not suited for the plane.”

“The center of gravity is off.”

“The wings are too long and thin.”

“It will not fly.”

Bumblebees have small, thin wings with a larger body.

Hummingbirds have frail, thin wings with impossible movements.

Dragonflies have short, thin wings with an uneven center of gravity.

These creatures should not be able to fly.

But yet, they do.

I turn away from him.

I throw the UAV up in the air.

And I fly.


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Wed Sep 01, 2021 12:29 pm
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a review for the checklist challenge...hence the dredging up of this ancient work...this is for the one where you have to review a work of someone you admire..and this was one of the more recent ones I could find..sorry

First Impression: Alright, well this was a lovely ray of sunshine...I've been reviewing all sorts of sad stories YWS has a problem and then right around the halfway point of my reviewing day, we've got this lovely story. Its a pretty simple idea, but the message in there and the story itself is beautiful.

Anyway let's get right to it,

“That’s not going to fly,” he tells me. “The aerodynamics are all wrong.”

I stare at my UAV—my Unmanned Aerial Vehicle, my recreational project that I have assembled myself for many years now. It is my treasure, my secret obsession. Today I have perfected it, and today I plan to fly it.

“Look at its airfoil,” he says while craning his neck to see it as I hold the little aircraft close to my chest. “That’s not going to fly with the fuselage. Gosh, the fuselage. Didn’t you run FloEFD on it?”


Hmm...wow this suddenly feels like its a test from the future...cause I'm learning things that'll let me actually make sense of all the technical terms there...but...that aside, this is an interesting start here, we've got a conversation between a person who's probably worked very hard on this one thing and another person who's clearly trying to be very dismissive of that which well, a) seems like a horrible thing to do but also b) definitely gets your attention as a reader.

It was a project of mine, something I have worked on for a long time with a group of friends. It was a successful project at first; we have designed it based on our constraining budget, and together we watched the little plane grow into something magical—on the brink of life, fully designed, ready to be made and brought into the world.

“Come on,” he pestered on, giving me a cocky grin that read, I could really do better than that piece of junk. “Do you really think that thing will fly with its fuselage shaped like that? Oh, no. Don’t tell me you didn’t even design it out on Creo.”


Well that's a properly brutal set of paragraphs to put one after the other there, very realistic, you've got his person remembering the effort and care they cleary put into to making this thing here...and that's what they're trying to draw on as this other person just completely tries to destroy that feeling. The memories here are doing wonders to make the insults here feel just that little bit more powerful as a result.

I remember the field trip last year. We went to the aerospace headquarters and met up with the manager of the place, and when I asked him if there were any UAVs that the company was working on, he gave me a crinkly old smile and nodded, pointing to the corner of the room. It was a UAV. “I assembled this myself,” he said. “There are electro-optical sensors attached to it, and when I fly it, I drive it high up through the clouds to see the sky above it.”

“Are you listening to me?” he continued. “The fuselage is too big and bulky on one end, and that messes up the center of gravity. Your wings are too thin and long, and your airfoil does not fully support the plane.”


Well...okay this is getting a touch repetitive but then on other hand so far it seems to be reinforcing itself as we learn more and more...so that's a good sign at the very least...and we're really getting a very good sense of the backstory behind this plane even as this person kind just continues out the same flaw...

I remember when the whole team and I designed it. We high-fived each other, we smiled and laughed and celebrated. But when the time came, others surpassed us. We fell apart, one by one, at each little comment thrown at us.


Well...I suppose we've got everyone trying to make them feel bad...I am wondering if there's a reason for that though...are they like the only ones working on this UAV with the others being a bit jealous here, or is this very badly done trash talk in a competition.

“That won’t fly.”

“It’s all messed up.”

“Did you even run the tests?”

“It’s just going to fall.”


Well isn't that a compilation of very positive feedback...

He took a step forward, his face scrunching up in serious irritation. “Don’t even try to fly it.

Bumblebees have small, thin wings with a larger body.

Hummingbirds have frail, thin wings with impossible movements.

Dragonflies have short, thin wings with an uneven center of gravity.

These creatures should not be able to fly.

But yet, they do.

I turn away from him.

I throw the UAV up in the air.

And I fly.


Well if that isn't a properly satisfying ending, I don't know what is...oh wow...it such a lovely message their, you've got an increasing cacophony of just all the negativeness and then we've got this one clear voice listing off how these things that shouldn't be able to fly still and it ends on a lovely high note with the plane actually succeeding. Call me a sucker for happy endings, but this one is awesome. And as a bonus you learn a bit of moral through it too... :D

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, this was an awesome story to read...now I kinda wish I could also use this as the work that made me smile. Well, yeah I don't think I've really got anything else to say here, its simple and it does its job really well. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




Carina says...


awww haha my gosh this is such an old piece and this review made me go down memory lane! thanks for the review Harry and I'm glad it made you smile :'))))



KateHardy says...


You're Welcome!!



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Tue Aug 13, 2013 1:07 am
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Joe wrote a review...



I really liked this piece. I thought the emotion was just fine, great actually.

Something I don't understand is who's talking to the M.C. ( Main Character). Is it the - "I remember the field trip last year. We went to the aerospace headquarters and met up with the manager of the place, and when I asked him if there were any UAVs that the company was working on, he gave me a crinkly old smile and nodded, pointing to the corner of the room. It was a UAV. “I assembled this myself,” he said. “There are electro-optical sensors attached to it, and when I fly it, I drive it high up through the clouds to see the sky above it.” -guy? or just some random flight freak.

But I love the story overall. I love drones and UAV's. I've wanted one for a little while now. Anyway
Great story. My favourite part is the last sentence.

"And I fly"

I love the defiance in the M.C voice.

Great story.




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Mon Aug 05, 2013 3:53 pm
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SushiSashimi333 wrote a review...



Heyo! Sushi here.
Okay, first off I would like to say your style of which you have written this was great! You really have a voice in this and that fact makes reading this more enjoyable and more realistic. The only thing that I think you should change is your back and forth from dialogue to explaining everything. There are some capitalization errors, but I'm sure you could easily fix those. Your end to this was pretty well done, it gave it mood, but the mood didn't really match the rest of your story all that well.

“That won’t fly.”

“It’s all messed up.”

“Did you even run the tests?”

“It’s just going to fall.”
I like what you did here, kind of like what they do in movies to show an onslaught of thoughts being thrown at another person. The way you showed it too with italics was good. Just fix up your transitions and mood and this will definitely soar.




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Wed Jul 31, 2013 10:30 am
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Swiftie13Initiate wrote a review...



WELL THIS IS AMAZING!! BUT THIS SENTENCE I'M CONFUSED:

"Dragonflies have short, thin wings with have an uneven center of gravity."

WHAT'S WITH THE "thin wings with have" it should have a comma

anyway i love this!! you describe things soo much in a better and great way.

there are words that are unusual so you should say what's the meaning of it to keep the readers interested.

i would love to read more!! :)




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Sun Jul 28, 2013 2:50 pm
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OliveDreams wrote a review...



Hello there fellow red team member! I'm going through the works of our team and reviewing some bits and pieces here and there. I will review as I read so that it makes much more sense to both you and me. I tend to ramble on otherwise, get mixed up and forget some good bits!

Here goes!

This has caught my interest already as it's reminding me of the film 'Radio Flyer' with Elijah Wood in. Haha random, I know but you can't help what the mind thinks of!

“Didn’t you run FloEFD on it?” - I have no idea what FloEFD is?! Maybe you should keep it in mind that some of your readers may be completely in the dark over the flying terminology.

Oop – I've just stumbled over the words Fuselage and Creo too

I love that he/she doesn't listen to the doubters in the end! I hope that it all ended up well and not in a massive heap on the floor!

Overall – I really enjoyed this. I felt that you handled the iscolation of your character really well by just having people talking at her and herself being lost in her happy memories.

I would only ask that you take a look at your complicated words. Maybe you could take a moment in your writing to explain them so that some readers aren't left out of the loop?

Good luck and I look forward to reading some more of your work soon!

Olive <3




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Fri Jul 26, 2013 3:23 am
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ellaskye says...



really cool! i think the beginning could be a little more poetic like the end but to help the flow but I STILL LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!




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Thu Jul 25, 2013 6:25 am
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thewriterinside wrote a review...



Hello, my dear! That was simply a lovely piece of prose. I really enjoyed it, bu was a little confused by the technical terms. Clearly you know a lot about your subject, which is good. Either you work on UAVs on your own, or you have done your research quite well. Either way, although I was a bit confused by the terms, the way that you used them presented them in a way that created a clear picture.

Your last sentence "And I fly." in particular got to me. Such a simple statement, yet so powerful. Great piece overall! I'd love to read more of your work in the future.




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Thu Jul 25, 2013 2:58 am
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sylviaelioness says...



I really liked that. The pressures of other people can really be irritating or stressful. Sometimes, we need to just ignore them, spread our own wings and fly. Your character seems to realize that in this story. :)
Great job.
Sylvia.




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Blackwood wrote a review...



Yeah this was nice. You have always been an excellent writer my dear Rina. I know you understand when I imply that I may or may not have read this or not but yes I liked this part here:

These creatures should not be able to fly.


But I dont like the use of UAV in this line
I throw the UAV up in the air.

tut tut no good. I don't even know what it is, maybe I would know if I read the beggining but now I went back and read the beginning and I now know what it is and its relevant but why did you throw it in the air is that even possible? Are you superman?
Yes.
You are superman.
The end.




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Wed Jul 24, 2013 4:27 pm
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AfterTheStorm says...



Just stopping by to say that I really like this short piece. I was like, "Yeah! Show 'em up! You can fly!"

Defying gravity, eh? (Please tell me you got that reference? xP) Anyways, write on! :D

---Storm




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Wed Jul 24, 2013 4:10 pm
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Lava wrote a review...



Hi Carina!

So, this is interesting. I really loved the tone you used in this. It sort of suited this story very well. Kind of like a perfect fit for a voice narrating. (Yep, I really liked it).

As to the story on the whole, I liked it, but it left me with this empty space. Like I want more, so that I really and truly enjoy the story. It feels like it could have some more.

Again, I like the smattering of technical terms on it. It seems to add depth and personality in to the story.

"It was a project of mine, something I have worked on for a long time with a group of friends. It was a successful project at first; we have designed it based on our constraining budget, and together we watched the little plane grow into something magical—on the brink of life, fully designed, ready to be made and brought into the world. " So, here I got confused. Is it a project only by the narrator? Or the narrator and the friend? Or another group?
I think it started with the narrator and friend here, and somehow split and the project became this one person's. But this would prove for a little alteration in the group dynamics while you continue with the story. And later you say they split. So, yeah, it's got me a bit confused. I loved these two bits. It was very beautiful.

Towards the end, where you have the string of dialogue - although the repetition was nice, I thought it would've been nicer if you had a few more points. Or even exaggerated insane comments to show the state of the friend's mind.

<3
See you around!




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Wed Jul 24, 2013 3:40 pm
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Sarrasponda says...



I love it! I love stories about flight, and pursuing vision when everyone else thinks it's hopeless. This isn't a review, but I thought I'd point out your second last line, 'I threw the UAV up in the air', is past tense, same with the last line. The rest of your story is present tense, so I'd say switch it to present to keep consistent.

But good job :D




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Wed Jul 24, 2013 12:01 pm
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Skydreamer wrote a review...



Hey Carina!!! I love this! And I'm gonna do a review on it.

I must say I really liked how you started it, it made me already have a view of it as a more playful and childish sort of story and that really drew me in. I do have just a random suggestion of instead of he says to me. which is a bit long, you could also write he tells me. it's not that big of a deal, but I just noticed it and felt I should let you know. Just in case you liked it.

It was a project of mine, something I have worked on for a long time with a group of friends.


The one thing that I felt missing a bit was the connection of the narrator and their friends. I felt like there was a piece missing in the middle when the narrator said
We fell apart, one by one, at each little comment thrown at us.


But that said I really liked the narrator and how s/he were really confident in their work, how they had a firm foundation in what they put all their efforts in and I thought you did a wonderful job at portraying that in a short story. It felt very whimsical and special to me as I was reading it.

And I flew.
I loved this. And I first thought when reading it that you had meant to write "I" for the character and narrator spent so much time and effort and heart on the UAV and it just made sense that the person would fly with it. Their heart would soar with it, and I guess I flew too. XP

Overall: I thought that it was a really good short-story that was sweet and well written. I'd suggest you look over some of my advice but it really was just so fantastic. I really enjoyed reading it and I can't wait to read more of your works. I'll be stalking your works from now on to read them all! XD Awesome job on it.

--Dream on and on and on and on.





The moral of Snow White is never eat apples.
— Lemony Snicket