Damian’s POV
“Savannah,” I say. “Savannah, where are you?”
“Get away from me!” she says.
She’s blurred, unfocused. I see her and then I don’t. She is there and she is not. She’s crying and she’s happy, she’s scarred and she’s angry.
It goes black, everything goes black, and it feels like I’m swimming through a deep sea of dreams.
“Damian, listen to me. Are you listening?”
I need to swim up and into the thick sea of awakening.
Her face is blurred, unfocused. I open my mouth to talk. “Wait, I…” The words won’t come up.
I love you.
I want you.
Please stay with me.
Don’t leave me.
But I can’t tell her these things. My body convulses violently as my hand desperately reaches up to the only hope I have against the demons inside me—eating me, destroying me, killing me.
I take it, I take this hope, I take this heartless medicine and swallow it down.
I see Savannah again, her angelic face coming into focus. She’s crying, she’s running, and she’s in pain.
“Savannah,” I say. “Savannah. I’m better now.” I reach towards her image. “I love you.”
But I cannot see her face anymore, and when I tried to touch her, she is gone.
Don’t worry, the demons inside of me say. I can make you feel better.
Savannah’s POV
One. Two. Three. Four.
Four at a time today.
“Stop,” I say. “Stop taking that.”
He looks at me, his face in a faraway place and squinting as if he can’t see me. “Taking what?” he asks.
“Stop taking that.” I gesture towards the things in his hands, but he looks at me like he still doesn’t understand. “Stop taking these drugs, Damian!” I shout instead.
And he smiles, oh, he smiles.
“Don’t worry about me,” he says. “I feel good.”
I breathe in and out, trying to retain the screaming feelings inside of me.
“No,” I say while trying to remain calm. “You are not. You put these damn drugs over me.” I have to stop the tears from falling down. I try to stay strong and hold my head up high, but in the end, I know it doesn’t matter.
“Savannah?” Damian says, suddenly changing the topic. “Savannah, where are you?”
He’s too far behind. He’s getting eaten up, destroyed, killed by the demons he chooses to swallow down. He’s swimming in a dead sea of lost hope and dreams, and there is no lighthouse around to guide him back to life. He’s gone. He cannot be saved.
So why am I trying to be his savior?
In, out, in, out. I have to be calm. I have to stop crying, but I know I cannot.
“Stop it,” I say softly. “Get away.”
I can feel Damian’s musty, glassy eyes lull me over as one consciously pleading look tries to assure me that he loves me, he wants me, he wants to stay with me. But I know that that is untrue; he is too far behind, he is drowning in his own life—he is circling the drain.
He looks at me some more, his lips quivering as he takes a step towards me.
“No,” I say. “No. I’m done.”
I wiped the tears out of my eyes.
“I can’t save you, Damian.”
I take a shy step back.
“I can’t look after you anymore.”
I take a confident step back.
“I’m sorry.”
But still, something glues me to the floor. A little speck of hope in this seemingly hopeless situation weakly glows to life, and naturally I attach to it and start to rationalize: he loves me, he wants me, he wants me to stay.
Though when I look into his eyes, I see nothing. It’s empty. It’s dead. It’s not Damian.
“Damian, listen to me,” I choke out when the only response he gives me is a faint squint of his eyes. “Are you listening?”
“Wait, I…” He fumbles for the right words, and I wait for it to come out. But moments passed, too long of moments passed, and nothing comes up.
Nothing changed. Nothing will change.
In, out, in, out. I don’t have the power to be his savior, and I cannot change his fate.
Goodbye, Damian.
Swiftly, quietly, I left the room.
I’m not going to watch you circle the drain.
A/N: This is an entry for Iggy's Musical Challenge Contest, and it's based off the song Circle the Drain by Katy Perry.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,836 Reviews
Wow.
*Takes deep breath.*
*Must not cry. No. Will not cry.*
BWAAAAAAAAAH!
Okay, so let me start with the nitpicks first so I can just GET THIS OVER WITH AND THEN CONTINUE TO BAWL.
1. Scarred; actually scarred or typo...scared?
2. When Damian talks, he says blurred, unfocused twice; a little repetitive there.
3. "The words won't come up." I don't know if it's just me, and maybe you intended it this way, since it's about drugs and all, but when he says this, it sounds like he's throwing up or something. Maybe just the words won't come? Same with the following line.
4. Demons is said in both points of view; maybe a different word when Savanna describes it?
5. You say circle the drain twice. I feel like the last line was really impactful, and it's not really needed when you first say it. Just my opinion, though.
OMIGOD I TOTALLY ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT.
I think I liked Savanna's POV better, just I liked the writing and how much emotion you evidently poured into it. Some of my fav. lines were how you started it, it just really struck me right away. I love how you were able to give us absolutely no background info on the characters, and yet we still understand exactly where they stand and what is going on. That is hard to do---nice job.
Oh, last nitpick; it should be swiftly, quietly, I leave the room (sticking with the present tense).
OMIGOD I LOVED THE ENDING SO MUCH. HOW SHE STOOD UP FOR HERSELF AND YET I WAS STILL LIKE, "NOOOOOOOO....." D; Very well crafted, excellent writing, keep writing! Beautiful!
hey its my first review, so if this doesn't make sense... sorry. (=
this is very nice piece of work, I love the double view point. which I usually don't because it makes the story choppy and uncertain on the main character, but with this it worked out very nicely giving the first part a very confusing beginning that only can clarify after reading more.
it was greatly crafted especially out of a song. It realistically displayed a story that is replayed in many peoples lives with just about the same ending as you gave with the same emotions. At first I was kind of wondering what he was taking, but I later understood that wasn't the point. one of the top things I have read on this site so thank you.
Hi darling!
She's scarred or she's scared?
So baby. I liked it! I like the way you write. You honestly have a clear way with words and metaphors and using it to your advantage, to take a sentence and twist it so it creates beautiful imagery. Your story had a pleasant flow to it, even through the point of view changed, because you kept the focus.
I especially liked how you threw me in a loop at the beginning. I was like, why is Damian looking for Savannah? Is she lost? Them I realize nope, he's a druggie. x3
No nitpicks to poke you with! Huzzah!
Last but not least, excellent use of the song. I love how you took it and incorporated it into a beautiful work.
~Iggy
Hey there! It's been a while since I've done a review, so I figured I would step up my game and review today.
First off, I really like how you wrote from both perspectives and repeated the story twice. It would have been a completely different story if we only saw Damian's side, and it wouldn't have had nearly as much emotion and conflict if we only saw Savannah's side. So well done.
However, I think that Savannah sees a little too much of Damian's side. For example, you keep saying that his eyes are blank and glossy- which makes sense. But then at one point Savannah says that she can see in his eyes that he loves her and wants her. But if he's just staring up with blank eyes, how would she see those emotions?
I also am wondering if Savannah's point of view starts sooner? Because Damian starts off by saying "Wait, I", but in Savannah's side it comes a lot further down? It seems weird that hers would start earlier but come second?
I do like her point of view coming second, though, so instead of switching them maybe add to Damian's? Or are you just trying to emphasize how confused and drugged Damian is, to the point where he doesn't even know when he's talking and what he's saying?
Anyway, I liked this. I liked how both people referred to the drugs as demons, it's like one common opinion drawing them together even though it's also the very thing that is tearing them apart.
So, I hope this helps. Well done. I hope Iggy likes this too.
I need to take a breath after reading this stunning piece-- in, out, in, out...okay, time to applaud you.
There was so much emotion that was perfectly portrayed through each characters' POV. It was a genious idea to tell this story from Damian, who gave us a disoriented and warped outlook on what was happening, and from Savannah, whose thoughts were conflicted on whether it was her responsibility to pull him out of the haze he got himself into.
I think, from a general perspective, a lot of people can connect with this: someone has a friend who has gotten themself into some trouble, let it be drugs, mischief, bad relationships, or a phase of depression-- and we wonder where to draw the line between helping them or backing away from an unhealthy influence. How much of them can rub off on you? From the emotion conveyed through Savannah's POV, the reader could tell she was being heavily impacted. Even though she loved Damian and cared for him, she had to back away before she wound up like him.
Such a great story. An amazing eye-opener.
-Kev