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The Golden Days- Chapter 2: Just another day at the races

Sam tosses and turns around a lot in his sleep. That’s just a fact of life, along the lines of how it’s a fact that Sam’s name starts with an “s” or how it’s a fact that violins are instruments. However, this was a particularly special day, as in the past, Sam had never had a naked girl sleep next to him. In fact, he’s never had a girl sleep next to him period. When his alarm clock sounded, he jolted awake. He slammed the button on his alarm clock and then proceeded to arise from under his sheets. He stretched and then got dressed. Since Mina was still fast asleep, he grabbed a sheet of paper then wrote:

Dear Mina,

I’m going to head out to school. I’ll leave food on the table next to this note. I’ll be back soon.

Sam

Sam made two sandwiches, left one on the table in his room, and ate the other one. He put on his backpack and walked out the door. He was walking down the street when he was joined by his best friend and partner in crime, John. John ran up behind Sam and, before Sam could react, jumped onto him and began choking him from behind. Sam elbowed John, and John let go. The two shared a high five and then proceeded to walk to school together.

John asked Sam out of the blue, “So, Sammy, what was all that screaming last night?”

“Wait—you heard that?” Sam inquired nervously.

“Dude, I live right next to you. Of course I heard it,” John paused. “In fact, I think the whole neighborhood heard it.”

“Wha… Really?” Sam exclaimed.

“Naw, just messin’ with ya,” John said. “The whole town heard it.”

“Well, it was, uh…” Sam started.

“Your girlfriend, wasn’t it?” John teased. “Yeah, you really gave it to her last night. I could tell. Weird, I always thought you’d be the one screaming.”

Sam’s face turned red as a red apple. “Girl—Girlfriend? No, of course not. I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“Ooh, let me guess. It was Sophie, wasn’t it?” John asked mischievously, grinning from ear to ear.

“What, no. Of course not. We’re friends, that’s all. I swear,” Sam replied.

“Of course you are,” John said.

“Yeah, okay,” Sam sighed.

“Admit it, you kinda like her, don’t you?” John pressed.

“No. Not at all.”
“Just a bit?”

“Of course not!”

“A smidgen?”

“I do not like Sophie Mesmar!” Sam yelled, a bit too loud.

“What was that about me?” a voice called out from behind them.

“Oh, uh, Sophie,” John uttered, turning around.

“Hi there,” Sam said.

“Y-you don’t like me?” Sophie asked Sam weakly, tears in her eyes.

“No, not like that. We’re still friends. I promise,” Sam told Sophie.

“O-okay…” Sophie murmured.

“Hey, wanna walk with us to school?” inquired Sam.

“Yeah, sure,” Sophie answered weakly.

“Come on, let’s go,” Sam said, giving John the evil eye, with John still grinning as wide as humanly possible.

The school day went as a normal Friday. Sam jotted notes, John got in trouble, and Sophie read the entire day. After school, however, there were more oddities. After school ended, Sam’s teacher, Ms. Nesbit, told him to stay a while.

“What is it, Ms. Nesbit?” Sam asked.

“Grab a seat, Mr. Matthews,” Ms. Nesbit commanded. Sam obeyed. “Sit down. I have to talk to you about something.” She turned away from the whiteboard, her straight black hair pelting Sam’s face. “I understand that you have a… special guest in your apartment.”

“Uh… How-how did you…?” Sam was at a loss for words.

Ms. Nesbit chuckled. “I know a lot of things. Now, tell me, why didn’t you call 9-1-1 last night?”

Sam responded with another “uh”.

“Because she asked you not to, right?”

“Y-yeah. I guess that’s why.”

“So, you’d rather risk Mina’s safety than upset her, huh. You must really like her.”

“N-No! Not like that! I—Wait, how do you know her name?” Sam was flabbergasted.

“Again, I know a lot of things. So, do you think that you should continue to let her stay with you?”
“I- I don’t know.”
“Hmm. Okay. Well, I’ll leave it up to you. But if you make a decision that you regret, just don’t come crying back to me.”

“I, uh, okay.”

“You know, I know all about her. I could tell you a thing or two. Like what happened to her arms. Or maybe her leg.”

“Well, tell me then.”

“Nah, don’t feel like it. You really should bring her in on Monday.”

“Okay…?”

Ms. Nesbit took out the keys to the classroom. “So, you leaving or not?”

“Yeah.” Sam got to his feet and started walking out of the classroom.

As Sam walked by her, Ms. Nesbit whispered into his ear, “By the way, you really should feed her.”

Sam turned around and asked, “What?”

“Never mind. You’re not that cruel.” Ms. Nesbit shut and locked the door to the classroom. She walked down the halls, out the main entrance, and drove off in her car. Meanwhile, Sam stood right outside the classroom, his jaw hanging slack.

When Sam got back to his place of residence, Room 202 of 221 Chef Street, he found it exactly the way he left it. He went to his room to unpack his bag, and found the sandwich and note on the desk, untouched. Meanwhile, on the bed laid Mina, who hadn’t moved a muscle. When he noticed this, Sam asked, “Mina? Are you okay? Hello?” He realized Mina may not have heard him and leaned closer to her. “Mina?”

“S-Sam?” Mina muttered, surprised.

“Did you eat?” Sam asked.

“N-no,” Mina replied.

“Okay. Do you want me to feed you?” Sam inquired.

Mina nodded her head. Sam grabbed the sandwich and put it in front of her mouth. As she bit out of it, Sam told her, “Hey, Mina, do you want to come with me to school on Monday?”

“Okay, if it’s with you,” Mina answered. After she finished eating, Sam made and ate dinner, took a shower, and went to bed.

Comments & reviews · 5
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User avatar
AdmiralKat
Review

Hello! KatayElefant here! Happy Review Day! Let us see what we have here.

I have no criticism for this. I just can't think of thing that is wrong with it. It has great grammar and spelling. I just got here but I can tell that ALOT of things have happened in the first chapter. You seem to have a plot and I am almost dying to know what happens next. I looove these type of creepy stories that have some old teacher go, "I know where you live...I know something you don't but I'm not going to tell you because I'm a big jerk." I really like all the characters. I feel like you should develop them more here(found criticism, yesh!) I have no idea if you did this in the first chapter but you should tell us more about Sam. Tell us his hobbies(imply that into the story) and what he looks like. I mean, sometimes I read stories and I have just a no name youtube icon looking around doing their stuff. Also, I want to know how the Mina girl looks. I don't have to know more about her but just so I can get a good image of this. I know! You need imagery! That's what I'm think off! (I am just spilling my thoughts on this page, at this point). I really like this story and you should write more. I see that you have more chapters and if I have time I might check them out! :D I also feel like this should be rated because you do not want EVERYONE to read this. Say a 8 year old that is innocent sees this? (I mean you may happen to find one...) This needs to be rated just a little bit. Anyways, keep writing. Great job! :D

User avatar
Noelle
Review
Noelle wrote a review · Sun Jun 29, 2014 6:56 pm

Hi there! Noelle her for a Review Day review!

Sam tosses and turns around a lot in his sleep. That’s just a fact of life, along the lines of how it’s a fact that Sam’s name starts with an “s” or how it’s a fact that violins are instruments.

In all honesty, I don't see how tossing and turning while sleeping is a fact of life. Not everyone tosses and turns, so this isn't really a true statement. Just thought I'd point that out.

“Y-you don’t like me?” Sophie asked Sam weakly, tears in her eyes.

That's a bit over dramatic, don't you think? I mean, Sophie didn't even hear the whole conversation she just came in at the end in time to hear Sam admitting he didn't like her. I feel like she would probably ask for clarification before feeling devastated by his comment.

I have to say, I'm quite creeped out by Ms. Nesbit. How on earth does she know about Mina?! Has she been stalking am? Was she the one who sent Mina there to his house? And those injuries she has, how does Ms. Nesbit know about them? It's all very curious and I really don't know what to think of Ms. Nesbit. She might be one of the bad guys, but then again she might just be someone trying to help out Mina.

As Sam walked by her, Ms. Nesbit whispered into his ear, “By the way, you really should feed her.”

This is probably the creepiest line in this chapter. I mean, she's sitting there talking about Mina like she's a pet. "You should really feed her." Pfft, of course Sam is going to give her food! Why wouldn't he? Strange. It's all very, truly strange.

There's an awful lot of dialogue in this chapter. In all honesty, I found it a bit annoying to read. Where are the descriptions? The narration? Most dialogue can be written as narration as well. You can easily cut out a lot by describing how Sam was trying his hardest to convince his friend that he didn't have a girl over the night before. Then you can start up the dialogue again once Sophia comes along. Just a suggestion. Sometimes readers get frustrated if there's too much dialogue or too much description. It's nice to find the balance between each of them.

As for the pacing of this, I feel like it's going a bit too fast. Like I mentioned in my review of the last chapter, Sam and Mina seem all too content with this situation. Take some time to slow it down, really explore their relationship and their predicament. I feel like that'll make this flow better.

Other than that, I think this story is going well. I'm still sitting here wondering what exactly is going on and who Mina really is and all that jazz. You've got me hooked, wanting to read more.

Keep writing!
**Noelle**

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Corncob
Comment

Wow. I bet I could give tons of criticism, but I don't want to even write a review. just keep writing. Such a good story! I'm addicted!

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Astronaut
Comment

Okay not going to lie. That was kinda disturbing. I really like the Ms. Nesbit character. I would like to know more about her and I hope she is a recurring character. I don't see much relevance but I suppose that will come into play later. Your writing style is good and you did well with the dialogue (dialogue is hard so kudos to you). Anyway psyched for the next chapter :D
Oh yeah there age was never mentioned so you might want to tie that in somehow

She will be a recurring character.



Never use your shield as a dinner plate, for that is when the enemy is most likely to attack.
— The KotGR Commander