(this takes place after phillips die prob before its quiet uptown)
Eliza: I look around
Look around and think
If only you were alive right now
Phillip.
Its quiet uptown
Cause your not here
I wish
I would've hugged one last time
Before you walked out the door
I won't get to hear your wonderful poems anymore
Your name was Phillip
You were a poet
Sometimes you were scared but you never showed it
You were a ladies man like your father
And sometimes even a bother.
We took a break
While your father broke our hearts
You were there with Angelica to comfort me
When our world fell apart
Still so blinded by your fathers pride
Then you went off and died
For him
For him
For him you did so much
All you longed for was acceptance
But all he gave you was expectations
To follow in his stead
How could have i expected you to do better
When he was the lead of the house
And in the front of your mind.
Alexander: Eliza,
Im sorry that I knew
And told him to do it
Im sorry that I knew
Is there anything I can do
Eliza: Angelica was right you'll never be satisfied
Not with your life not with mine
When I first met you I felt helpless
But now when I see you I feel hopeless
I gave you a son
I thought that would be enough
I gave you a daughter
I thought that would satisfy
I give you support in everything you ever do
But you never did anything for me
You ask if there's something you can do?!
You had one job Alexander!
Be true
And you blew it
Phillip never got to see the day where he could blow us all away.
So obsessed with your legacy
You forget your family
And you forget that a legacy
Starts with a family!
Don't you know what I went through when I told the kids about Maria
Still Phillip loved you
And you sent him out to die
YOU TOLD HIM TO POINT THE GUN AT THE SKY!
If you would've just taught him mercy.
Alexander: Eliza please-
Eliza: That will be enough-
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137,978 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
Alright, I know very little about Hamilton but here goes.
feels like it echoes it and works really well!First thing first, there’s a typo here “(this takes place after phillips die prob”, it’s “dies” right?
From what I can imagine, I feel like this would work as a song. It has the pauses and the dramatic potential. Ohhh and I remember there’s a Hamilton song where characters keep asking “what’s your name” so this:
I’m not sure abt the grammar in this one: “When he was the lead of the house” leader?
In Alexander’s lines, I like the repletion of “I’m sorry that I knew”
Oh and this is so powerful:
And I love that drop here:
I can imagine the music so well!
Great song, I like it a lot!
Hello! So this is really good
I could def hear the voices of the actors when i was reading it, the biggest issue was it was kind of hard to tell exactly when someone stopped singing or when someone else started singing.
I would suggest maybe bolding the names?
It starts off really strong, but I do think after
Eliza: Angelica was right you'll never be satisfied
this line, it does start to get a little weaker, and feel slightly less in character. I'm not sure how exactly to describe it, but that's just my gut feeling, maybe it would be easier to tell with music in the background, since i can only guess based on the Hamilton soundtrack how this is supposed to sound.
this isn't exactly the best example and is kind of personalized but-
Don't you know what I went through when I told the kids about Maria
I read this line to the tune of that song from the sound of music that is sung by the nuns yk the one thats like 'what do you about a problem like Maria' and but mean I think that's just part of the problem of posting lyrics without music it happens to everyone.
This is really good. I am a very big fan of Hamilton, and this really resonates with me. I am also a songwriter and find lyrics to be challenging to write. I am very impressed with the lyrics and emotional pull of this.
This is really good. I am a very big fan of Hamilton, and this really resonates with me. I am also a songwriter and find lyrics to be challenging to write. I am very impressed with the lyrics and emotional pull of this.