Unto the Darkness...
The lady in the lake
Number Three
DI Hannah turned away as DCI Vile's Audi kicked up a surprising amount of dirt from the ground. As Hannah used her hand to shield herself from the up-draught of dust and mud she heard a call from the distance.
"Hey!" A female voice called, Hannah recognised it as the voice of the young PC who had informed her of Vile earlier, "Over here!"
Hannah twisted around in unison with many of the other curious officers that were loitering about the place and her eyes scanned the scene for the PC. Her eyes met the luminous police jacket and she hurried over, two male PC's in tow.
The female PC was ducked under a group of tree branches and was struggling against a tall man. However, as Hannah closely examined it wasn't a man at all, it was a teenager that had to be somewhere between 15 and 17. In a flash the boy lashed out, hitting the PC in the gut and moving to run as she doubled over with a grunt. But even as the other officers moved in vein attempt to grab the boy he tripped and fell to the ground with a shout.
As the remaining PC's encircled him the boy muttered his curses until he was hauled up and dragged over to one of the police cars. Hannah quietly walked over to the female PC as she stood back up straight and took some deep breaths.
"Are you ok?" Hannah asked quietly
"F... Fine." The PC replied with a cough.
Hannah attempted a smile but failed. She couldn't bring herself to do it. A smile seemed so out of place at a crime scene. Like a beautiful flower in the middle of the darkest day. Or, perhaps, that was what places like these needed.
"What's your name?" Hannah asked.
"Sharon." The PC replied "Sharon Drake."
"Sharon, that's a nice name." Hannah added.
Sharon chuckled and that simple little quirk allowed Hannah the courtesy of a smile. "I'm fine now ma'am."
Hannah's smile grew broader "Come on." She said with a pat on Sharon's back.
As PC Sharon departed Hannah trailed over to her own police car and opened the door. As she ducked inside she grabbed a radio from the glove compartment. She found the right frequency and pressed a button before speaking into the microphone.
"This is DI Granger, DCI Vile are you receiving?" She said.
There was a long moment filled only with static and the ebbing cold of the crime scene before Vile's Manchester accent flooded through the radio "What is it?"
"A please wouldn't go amiss" Hannah exclaimed.
"Please tell me you mayor!" Vile thundered down the radio.
"Ah... Some kids been arrested here. He was hiding and a PC found him." Hannah replied "You might wanna come down here and talk to him."
Another moment of static.
"I'm on me way." And his voice faded out.
Hannah replaced the radio and stepped outside of police car and shut the door gently. Her quizzical eyes darted to the teenager leaning on the bonnet of one of the other police cars surrounded by officers.
It was several minutes later that a articulate red Audi TT swerved around the corner and drifted into a graceful stop. The door opened and a pair of smart shoes made contact with the ground as a tall man huddled in an overcoat stepped out. He slammed the door behind him and strode over to Hannah.
"Come on then." He smiled falsely.
Hannah lead Vile over to the boy and at his very step the PC's dispersed.
"Right then!" Vile said "What've you been up to you naughty boy!"
"I ain't talking to you!" The boy growled like an animal. His voice was distinctly from the east end of London. Vile's eyes quickly skimmed him over. Scruffy black hair, dark eyes and wearing a hoodie and a pair of jeans.
"Oh yes you are." Vile calmly replied "or I shall stick your head down a public toilet and we all know what public toilets are like! Mr Muscle'd have a heart attack!!"
"Go back and screw your police dog!" The boy exclaimed.
Vile sighed and called over a PC.
"Nick him." Vile ordered and moments later the boy was in handcuffs and being bundled into the back of a police car.
Vile clapped his hands together with a smile as a whistle of wind ruffled his wavy hair and with a smile he declared "Right then... Pub?"
"We need to get back to the station and question the boy." Hannah smiled sadly.
"Fine..." Vile moaned "I'll give you a ride." And with a mischievous smile he added "and I'll take you back to the station too."
"Piss off." Hannah exclaimed.
"Don't get your knickers in a twist."
Vile lead Hannah over to the Audi and the two of them climbed into the leather interiored vehicle. As their doors closed Vile ignited the engine and revved briefly. In a split second his foot was on the pedal and the Audi was zooming forwards as Hannah hurriedly grabbed her seat belt.
"Don't put that on!" Vile exclaimed "Your a copper not a nurse!"
Regardless Hannah strapped herself in much to the discontent of DCI Vile. The car swerved through a brief collection of trees and through a small patch of scrubland before erupting back onto the road. Several minutes down the road the Audi arrived in east London. They passed various places. Kids hanging about on street corners, graffitied walls and dank alleys until they finally reached a large building hemmed in by surrounding walls. It stretched twos Tories high and there were several police vehicles parked outside. A large pair of double doors were sat on a porch to the left of the building and it sported a large sign reading "Fenchurch East Police Station"
DCI Vile swiped the car across the car park outside of the station and it abruptly stopped in an empty space. The engine fell into an uneasy silence and the two of the climbed out of the Audi.
They headed for the stairs and climbed up to the porch with Vile entering before Hannah.
The two of them entered into a well lit lobby. On the right side was a small booth with a desk with a uniformed officer stood behind it and waiting chairs lined the wall to the right of the door. The walls of the lobby were an ugly blue and the floor was a black and white chequered pattern.
Connecting to the lobby was a corridor with the same sickly walls and chequered floor that stretched a great distance with other corridors stretching off for it forming a labyrinth in the station.
DCI Vile lead Hannah down the corridor to a pair of wooden double doors in the right wall with a plaque next to the doors labelled: "CID"
Vile pushed the doors open and lead Hannah into the CID office.
On either side of CID were a series of desk pushed together to form an L and down the end of the department was an office that stretched the length of the room with windows looking out and a door with a square window embedded within it. On the window of the door were engraved the words: DCI Vile.
The floor of CID was, like the remainder of the station, a black and white chequer while the walls were a stale green and the ceiling consisted of lights behind square glass. Milling about the room were plain clothes CID officers and their eyes briefly met Vile before they resumed their work.
"Welcome to our little world." Vile said walking towards his office and opening the door, ushering Hannah inside.
As Hannah stepped inside the office she took in everything. The was a large window running the back of the room with large blinds drawn over it and a desk sat with its back to it. The was a filing cabinet on the left of the room and a set of draws on the right with a pin board above it. In the corner of the room was a coat stand which Vile hung his overcoat on as he took it off.
Hannah looked around the office as Vile approached the desk and opened the draw. He took a seat on a comfy looking leather chair that sat behind his desk as he did so and Hannah's eyes drifted to his pin board. She spotted a newspaper article Vile had pinned up.
UNNAMED DCI ARRESTS SERIAL RAPIST
"I read that about a year ago." Hannah found herself saying "Was that you?"
"Yep." Vile replied matter of factly as he pulled something from his desk draw. It was a file. He briefly opened it, scanned the pages within, and put it back in the draw and closed it. Standing up from his seat Vile indicated the door of his office and the two of them stepped outside.
The doors of CID suddenly opened, slamming against the walls as the teenager who'd been arrested stumbled through. Hannah noticed that he was waving something about in his hand and as a bloodied PC stumbled into the room she realised it was a gun...
TO BE CONTINUED...
Should be "vain."
The smile seems to be without context. Could you explain why she attempted to smile in the first place?
Hannah is being very disrespectful to a superior in this passage and Vile sounds like the type that would check the cheek.
"Please tell me you mayor" doesn't make any sense in this instance.
Instead, try "It stood two stories high"
Cultural note: In America, if you swipe a car, it either means that A) you have stolen a car or B) You have collided with the car (more commonly known as a "side-swipe.") This makes this sentence delightfully absurd.
I ain't American
"Di Hannah... DCI Vile"
Ok at this point you don't need the "Di" and the "DCI" any more, because you've already established who these people are and we know them.
"two male PC's in tow"
What does this mean? I'm a little confused by this line. Don't know what to make of it.
"with a shout"
A shout? I'm assuming he fell to the ground and let out a pain filled sound. So I would say use "yelp" instead of shout.
"like a beautiful flower in the middle of the darkest day"
Ok great imagery here I like that bit, but that line is so out of place. At this point all we want to know is stuff about the teenager and what not. So cut to the chase and don't use any imagery here and focus more on dialogue. That's one of the few times I'll ever say don't use imagery.
"as PC Sharon..."
Just say Sharon, once you've established the character you can just call them by name.
"please tell me you mayor"
??? What? I'm not sure if calling some one a "mayor" is a proper insult or rude comment. Defnitly make you punch lines clearer. Especially when this is on the more comic side of things.
I find it odd that Hannah would call Vile, after he's been so rude and just bumped her off of the inspection. Defnitly try to justify that and say how hannah didn't want to call him but had to because of: xyz yada yada.
As always love the exchanges between Vile and Hannah. Keep that tension up.
after stopping the Audi you say they head to the stairs, but I don't know where you guys are at. You need to create a picture better here. Use more imagery to describe their entire surroundings and what not, are they at the police station? What does it look like? I'd wager they'd have to go through a gate to get in... but that might just be some stations.
Ok so you don't really ever describe the boy being put into the car. So there is some confusion for the reader immediately. Although I loovvee the ending, way to leave it on a good note leaving the questioning about the boy and the files that Hannah and Vile were about to read. Although don't end with the "..." just use a period. It's more definite. And besides you have the "..." on the "to be continued." All and all great story, getting better, a little choppy writing you have here but I am quite curious as to what will befall. Let me know when the next chapter comes out! Keep up the good work!
TuckEr EllsworTh