Young Writers Society

The opening line to this poem is probably the most profound thing in this work.

Imagine a world of peace.

Where the people live in calm like mindedness

Imagine a world for yourself.

And a world for those that you love too.

This is a good, simplistic poem. It's to the point and doesn't hide behind anything fancy just says what it wants to say.

Imagine a world of peace.

Where the waves gently lap against the shores.

Where the sun shines on happier pastures of lush green grass.

And where a constant placidity gently caresses the blue, blue skies.

I have no idea who John and Yoko are. Maybe some explanation at the beginning or end would help.

The imagery you used is very good. I feel you portrayed this as too sweet and maybe something contradictory would help add a little highlight. For example, using something uncommonly used to describe good and happiness or something contrary to that in a way to really capture the essence. I do agree that in general some phrases are a bit cliche such as "lush green grass" but you also have your own unique touches such as

constant placidity gently caresses the blue, blue skies.

waves gently lap against the shores.

Hi there! I have to say, I really liked this! I liked how you dedicated it to John and Yoko. (At first I had to think of who Yoko was) But anyway, this is a sweet tribute. It is modeled after a song we see, but it has a bit of a personal touch. It is also full of imagery and descriptive language, more than I believe Lennon's song had. You can imagine that you're walking through a serene pasture where the skies are a bit bljer than normal and the waves gently touch the shore.
My favorite line was the ending-I thought it was a neat way to end the poem. Well done. I'm sure Lennon would have been proud!

I like this poem. Its simple and sweet, short and to the point. I will say that it is a bit too cliche for my taste but like I said i still like it. Thanks for the tip that you were listening to lennon before you wrote this, I can see that here clearly. I would suggest somehow making it a bit more meaningful, maybe throw in a line about people ilk show you were saying like mindedness. Or don't add anything and I still think you get the point across obviously...just saying maybe try it out if you want. I really like the ending here:

"And where our words are true.

Imagine a world for John.

Imagine a world for Yoko.

Imagine a world for yourself.

And a world for those that you love too."

At first i read "imagine a world for john" and I was like oh god, really? But then I kept reading and I think it was sweet and came together well at the end. I really like the line "for those that you love too" It left me feeling like "thats so sweet awww" after reading it. Thanks for sharing!

-Laci <3