Young Writers Society

What is this? A 250-word short story that has the same power as a 2000+ one?

And it's about the Batman?

I believe I've encountered perfection, but unfortunately, that cannot be possible.

Honestly, while I did like the constriction and the creativity, I do think the idea was a little overdone. We've seen this before, somewhere. The villain makes the hero choose between two equally horrendous acts to prove that the hero is no knight in shining armor. But I think I liked it despite that because of Batman's one rule (that sometimes gets broken depending on the writer); to never kill another human being. Which is why the situation is so tense.

But it does leave the ending a mystery. Will the Dark Knight choose one of the horrible choices, or somehow find a third option? That's the best thing about short pieces--they always leave gaps the reader can fill with their own imaginations.

Anyway, good work on this one. Liked it.

This was a short story. I really like what you did with it. I think that this is what would happen if batman ever lost to the joker. We always see the dark knight prevail and save the city, but you my friend have shone what would happen if batman ever lost to the joker. I love it, and I like how you managed to cram all of this into one paragraph and still tell an entire story with so few words. Someone could say the same thing but it would take at least several pages. You managed to portray batman's defeat in just a few words, and that is truly amazing. Good work, I hope to see more of this from you in the future.

Sincerely SinisterPotatoe

Hey, I'm totally attracted to this piece because you mention about how short it is (250 words).

Well, I totally want to echo what steam has said. This dialogue-centric paragraph makes it tiring to read, and is much better being split into little, shorter paragraphs.

About the content, I think I lost it when you mentioned about the bus. And about the killing someone instead of letting him die part. I dunno, it just doesn't connect with how Batman's paralyzed... I only that someone in the bus is trying to kill others, and Batman is supposed to watch it? But then, what about the button thingy? What does it do? I think you're trying to fill in so much for a 250-words story.

250-story is more to flash fiction, and you need to put it the exact best words to actually describe the beginning, the middle, and the end. I think the opening line suffices to be the beginning, and the other parts you can do with more actions than talks. In this case, you can stick with one paragraph only. Also, the use of ellipsis is bothering me because they are too used here, what with the last six lines have two using ellipsis.

Well, I think that's all I can say here. I do think Joker is an interesting character, and to deliver that kind of impact to me through dialogues in a 250-words is pretty nice. Keep up the good job!

AAaa, i love it, not only because I like Batman, but because I can see this scenario... Ending with Joker hiding and not only Batman saved, but the bus as well.

Waaah.

Hello CandyWizard, steampowered here to review your work! Since this is really short, it’ll be a short review, but here goes.

Even though I’m not a fan of Batman or the Joker (having never seen any of the films) I still found myself getting hooked by this opening. You’ve immediately set the scene, and whilst I know very little about the Joker I know he’s pretty much insane, and you’ve shown his character really well in this one paragraph. When I saw it was just dialogue I wondered how you’d pull it off, but actually I think it works pretty well!

I do, however, feel there are a few little things which you might want to think about – feel free to take or leave any of my suggestions, they’re only suggestions!

So whilst I said earlier that I liked the dialogue, the sheer size of this paragraph loses much of its potential impact. For example:

"You see, Batman, I'm not saving you, I'm saving you… for later.

"This is not what it looks like," he said. "You see, Batman, I'm not saving you, I'm saving you… for later.

"The poison was never meant to kill you, only paralyze you, and I'm sure that, if you could talk, you would agree that what doesn't kill you, simply makes you… smile!"

Joker laughed hysterically. "Don't worry, Bats. Your face may be frozen, but I know you're grinning on the inside. And the people will grin too when they see what I have in store for them!

"Don't worry, it won't be a dull show – in a minute, you'll regain control of your body. Through this beautiful, High Demolition camera they'll watch you make a choice. But you're not the only one they'll be watching – in the corner of their home screens they'll see a bus. On the bus are over twenty unwary passengers, and one, very wary, very eager… boom-gizmo!