The Elder's Wish

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Ever since I was young, I knew and understood my difference from other children. But only I knew, not even my best friends knew of my unusual abilities. Without any training or classes, I was the best gymnast in my class and city. I beat kids twice my age who’d been trained their whole life. I was the star fighter in my city’s martial arts tournaments at age seven. To mention I never had ordinary dreams. They always came true, no matter how weird. And I could see what I assumed was peoples aura’s for as long as I could remember. And when someone lied, their aura shivered dramatically like it was freezing cold.

I learned at a young age that my powers needed to be kept hidden and controlled. I was never sure on how to use them. The already mature part of me said only use them for good or not at all. While the childish side of me said use them for my own personal gain. But at age 15 it became clear that I wasn’t the only one of my kind in this city. Until then I hadn’t a clue on who I was or what. But that fateful day I met her, it became clear where my true path lay.

Hey Calla!

When I was reading this, I was kind of thinking back to my own childhood and how I looked at the world and such. For example, when I was young, I used to be a really good reader. But, I never really thought of this as anything special because I just grew up with it. Also, when I was young, I used to create mythologies. It was only until much later when I figured out that this wasn't common for everyone else.

Now, this isn't any special super power or whatever. However, when you grow up with things, you tend to take them for granted. And, you also tend to think that other people have it as well, except they are not like you and so thus they don't use it. In fact, when we grow older, frequently we have to fight these feelings of taking things for granted in order to help out people more.

I am also thinking of my mom and her bad vision... when she was younger, she couldn't see well, but she didn't know this until much later, when her teacher found this out. She thought that trees were supposed to look like giant blobs. She had never known them to have leaves before... or at least not in that way.

With this said, I think your protagonist would be a lot more interesting if she took things for granted more and only just recently discovered that she could do certain things and see certain things that other people couldn't. I think that would help us identify with your character more, which is always good!

Good luck with this story!

This was short, to say the least. You got what you wanted to say across but I have to ask you: is there any need for a prologue to your novel?
As Rosey pointed out, people don't like to reader about perfect protagonists. Especially not if they know they are perfect. Take your third line for example; it shows your character as big headed and the reader only has their word that this is true. If you introduce the character's abilities throughout the novel, maybe having him/her doubt herself and these powers as he/she discovers them you will create a much more likeable character.
All I see now is a 2D character, who needs a lot added to them. Try brainstorming what you want your MC to be like. You need to get to know them before writing about them and for goodness sake introduce some faults. Nobody's perfect and your MC should not be the exception to this rule.
Happy writing.

Hello.

I read the first sentence of this and thought, 'oh great, yet another Super Special Protagonist who is going to be awesome at everything'. And you went on to confirm this in your whole first paragraph, listing everything your MC is absolutely fantastic at and how Amazing he is.

Readers don't want to read about Super Special People. They want to read about somebody who has struggles, conflicts, and generally a personality.

What you're doing right now is defining your MC by what their powers are, instead if who they are. Right now, I don't know anything about this person. We only know their Unusual Talents and that they must be hidden.

This is not a character.

Please, cut this whole thing. Keep it in your notes for what powers your character has. But do not introduce the MC like this.

Instead, give us a true scene. Have him actually out in the world and interacting with people. Show us these skills instead of telling us all of them. Let readers be in the dark about exactly what he can do until a few scenes into the story. Don't make it so very obvious that the girl he's about to meet is special too, and they're about to become love interests.

Really, just turn this into a scene and dish out all this information slowly. Readers don't want to be told how Special a character is and how their life is about to change. They want to be shown how a character acts around people and find out their powers, abilities, and life for themselves. A properly written scene should make readers go "wow, those are really impressive skills" without actually going out of its way to list those skills.

Hope this helps. PM me if you have any questions.

~Rosey

Hello. I saw this on your wall, therefore I was intrigued and decided to take a look.
Yeesh, not much to say, is there? You pack a lot of good stuff in this short space, but the operative word here is 'short'. This is tiny! I mean, smaller than Napoleon's penis! (I know you appreciate dirty jokes, but this was really bad, yes. Yes, I do have a life. I only know this because I read Cracked, which picks fun at everyone).
This is more like an extract of a prologue, a tiny (but very promising) sample of great things to come, sort of thing.
Hope this helped,
yours truly.