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12+ Violence

Lullaby

by Buranko


Hush dear child...
Chaos is unleashed outside.
Trees are crying,
Stars are bleeding,
The cunning wind brings
Forgotten curses.

Sleep dear child...
Outside, there is no light.
No place for
Innocent eyes.

The night- time of horrors
That only the fog knows.
Shadows with golden eyes howl,
And drown the nature
In hot, fresh blood.

Hush dear child, sleep well
The pale, frail hand of the night
Caresses you lightly.
"Do not fear, heed my call
Join my basket of dreams

Your mother is there too
Watch her with her
Arms wide open,
Despair has sunk in her face,
She has been expecting you."

Sleep my child, do not worry.
For good children will listen to lullabies,
And bad children will dance with the dark.

Lullabies are warnings
You don't want to come here...


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22 Reviews


Points: 26
Reviews: 22

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Fri Oct 09, 2020 7:04 am
Ken95 wrote a review...



Hell there. Ken here a for a quick review!

Nice and interesting piece you've got here.
I love literary works themed in horror and this piece right here sure painted an eerie atmosphere.
Loved the way the poem went hand in hand with the title.
Perhaps when I give birth to my first child, I'll sing this lullaby to put her to sleep every night. (though I wouldn't want her to have a different approach to life when she grows older, lol)

Secondly, I feel the punctuations and capitalizations are a bit off. Maybe you're trying out new styles? I'd love to know.

"Your mother is there too
Watch her with her
Arms wide open,
Despair has sunk in her face,
She has been expecting you."

Like here, "Watch" I think the W would have started with a small letter.

"Hush dear child, sleep well
The pale, frail hand of the night
Caresses you lightly.
"Do not fear, heed my call
Join my basket of dreams"

Also here. I'm not sure what you intended to achieve by putting this " here.

Over all. It's an interesting piece. Keep writing!




Buranko says...


I am trying to show that the night is talking, using the " to introduce the night's monologue. I am used to capitalizing every single line, and it is not something wrong so I will keep it up. I am getting used to punctuation so it may be off some times. Anyway thanks for review



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14 Reviews


Points: 312
Reviews: 14

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Tue Oct 06, 2020 6:19 pm
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InkWell38 wrote a review...



This is terrifying in every way possible which means you totally nailed it. Some of my favorite lines are:

"Do not fear, heed my call / join in my basket of dreams" (love that, makes me picture woven dreams that trap you into a false sense of security)

"Despair has sunk in her face, / she has been expecting you" (so creepy!!! in a good way of course)

I picture an old witch telling this story to another child she captured and I guess she'll put in a stew? let's hope not. but anyway this was perfectly spooky and appropriate for the season. great job!




Buranko says...


Oooooo I am so glad it worked! Thanks for reading it and leaving this lovely review!



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26 Reviews


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Reviews: 26

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Mon Oct 05, 2020 10:24 pm
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penngreen4776 wrote a review...



Hiya, I'm penn. And...

...I don't know why, but I'm getting some Bloodborne vibes here, considering the bleeding stars, the shadows that drown nature in blood, and all the imagery that revolves around darkness and night and, of course, coaxing a child to sleep.

It has the same bleak feeling as most lullabies you pay attention to; death, decay, disease, darkness.

Children. *shudders*

It all blends together with talks of monsters and forgotten innocence, and I keep feeling like I'm being dragged back into the starting areas of a video game that I've never even gotten past. Hurray! I'mma go play and fail at Bloodborne again.

I mean, if you meant to pull off dark, gothic vibes, reminiscent of one of the most legendarily difficult games you could play, good for you! If not, well, I don't mean to downplay something so nicely written. I give it a thumbs up.




Buranko says...


Lol, I have never played Bloodborne, nor see how it looks and feels. Just heard the name. Thanks for reviewing




A classic is a book which people praise and don't read.
— Mark Twain