Young Writers Society

Hey Buranko!

RandomTalks here to leave a quick review!

I am new to reviewing poetry (and should I mention also very bad?) so I apologize in advance if this review does not end up making much sense. I may not be able to critique your poem, but I will share my opinions.

I really liked this poem. I like the twisted kind of world you have created where dark things seems to prevail. I may not be able to interpret it as correctly, but I liked the overall dark tone of the poem.

The gods of death
Drink to longevity,
Bathing in the warm crimson tears
of the mortals below.

This part seems to suggest that the gods of death and all the other dark entities are in kind of some celebration, drinking and enjoying the suffering of the mortal human beings from up above. The lines "Bathing in the warm crimson tears, of the mortals below," seems to suggest their sadistic nature as they derive entertainment from the pain and suffering of others.

Pained shrieks echo
In the sinister carnival.
Welcome everybody,
Grab a seat and enjoy your
Darkest desires come to life.

This part made me feel like they are in some sort of a carnival instead of celebration, and the line "Pained shrieks echo, In the sinister carnival," made me think that these screams came from there itself rather than down from the Earth as was mentioned in the previous stanza. That means that they are torturing other beings for their own enjoyment? I am not sure. But I liked the way you welcomed everybody as if to join in some sinister celebration of all the dark souls that can be free and true only in this carnival.

Overall, it was a really good poem. It has a really strong voice that speaks to you directly. I liked reading this. Thank you for mentioning it to me!

Keep up the good work and have a great day!

Hi there, Buranko! I thought this poem created an eerie mood, with the details in the first stanza especially. It made me think of a horror-movie circus or amusement park, especially through the mixture of imagery. I couldn’t really identify a specific point of view for the speaker, so they seem to be a sort of neutral observer to everything happening in the poem.

Subject, Themes, Narrative

The poem seems to be about a place where a great many cruel things are happening, while some higher power is watching and enjoying it (“bathing in the . . . tears”). The speaker addresses someone in the end, after describing this place, which I think is the main subject of the poem, but I wonder if the addressee is meant to be a fellow “mortal” or another “god of death”.

Is there a definite ‘turn’ in the poem? I happen to think it’s probably the “Welcome everybody” line, where the speaker suddenly uses direct address, closing the distance with a particular addressee. This line seems to change the meaning of the poem overall in a significant way, namely that, instead of being purely descriptive, it seems to imply that whoever the addressee is, they “desire” the carnage that has been described. I’m not sure, though, as this is just what I could interpret based on the details in the third stanza I grasped.

Language and Imagery

I like the idea of juxtaposing different kinds of imagery in this poem. The first stanza has my favourites: the “humming” “sirens” and the word “lullaby” contrast sharply with the onomatopoeia that suggests a firing gun. In the third stanza, the “pained shrieks” in a carnival seem to ironically point to how shrieking in a carnival is usually out of enjoyment, but the carnival being described here is a “sinister” one.

The imagery in the second stanza seems to work slightly differently. “Drink to longevity” makes me imagine wine, which then seems linked to “warm crimson tears”. It’s a twist, but also an expansion/explanation of the image, especially since the “drink” wasn’t actually specified in the text (it just made me think of something by association).

Was there an intent to try and combine different ‘groups’ of related images in a contrasting way? For instance, words related to mythology: “sirens” “gods” “mortals”, and words related to gore and violence: “pow pow pow”, “warm crimson tears”, “pained shrieks”.

Structure and Sound

When I read the very last lines, I got the sense that the rhythm felt a bit anticlimactic, even though the content of the lines made sense for the title of the poem. I wonder if the following line breaks could be better?

Welcome to
The Purge

Because it seems in the original that the word “welcome” is being emphasised (it stands on a line all on its own) and not the final phrase “to the purge”, whereas if it were switched around, the final phrase and hence the word “purge” would be emphasised more.

Patata; and the voices
Stop.

I liked the use of punctuation and enjambment here. Breaking it off at ‘voices’ emphasises the suddenness of the stop, which makes the lines seem more eerie. I wonder if there could be a similar play with sounds and pauses with the “gods of death” stanza? Maybe trying for a list, or a comma in the middle of the line to emphasise how much the gods are enjoying themselves, like:

Bathing, breathing, basking in the warm crimson tears

That’s just a suggestion, though.

That's all

Hopefully you found these comments helpful - and keep writing!

Cheers,
-Lim

Hey Buranko! Forever here with a tiny review!!

So first of all, this work, as mentioned by you. I couldn't find anything like that... Forgive me if my review is not to the point.

The sirens are humming
Nature’s lullaby,
Pow pow pow
Patata; and the voices
Stop.

It kind of seems like a warning here given to someone for something and the abrupt stopping of voices also doesn't signify something very good. It's kind of the woerst, maybe the warning didn't work. The line "nature's lullaby" at first instance seemed to be a bit strange to my ears but I think that can somehow mean death. I mean permanent sleep which is death. So, though a warning was given, they died and nature helped them to die. So it can be assumed that they died due to some natural disaster.

The gods of death
Drink to longevity,
Bathing in the warm crimson tears
of the mortals below.

I guess this kind of shows the supreme nature of the Gods as assumed by humans. They are considered immortal for they havw drunk some potion sort of thing which grants them immortality. I am not very sure but the second two lines kind of show the cruelty of Gods? I really liked the expression bathing in the crimson tears. It does a great job conveying the pain, death and all the consequences of it.

Pained shrieks echo
In the sinister carnival.
Welcome everybody,
Grab a seat and enjoy your
Darkest desires come to life.

This stanza seems to be a bit confusing to me. What this "life" actually is? What I expected in this stanza was the consequences of death and maybe a heaven scene. What this carnival thing is? I am so confused. If I go with my theory, is it kind of a carnival where the souls of humans are going to heaven or something similar. Who is welcoming these souls and why are they telling these people the word 'life' after its end. Is there a new life there? I wonder... And why are the people screaming? In pain, I understand. What causes the pain now? some sort of atonement? Maybe, I am not too sure.

Another thing which I should tell you is that the concept of God is different in differernt religions. I went with mine and did the review. Hope I have done it in the right light.

Overall, quite a good poem.

Keep Writing!

~Forever