Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for violence and mature content.
Suffocating walls,
Cold floor and humid bed,
The pale sun rolls
Behind a ragged cloud's strand.
Screeching rats and scratching claws
Pierce the virgin silence.
Bloody screams and shattering bones
Join the cruel alliance.
Drip...drip...drip...
A torn forehead shakes
Red, hot tears creep
And fall into bloody lakes.
His heart aches,
His throat is sore,
His dirty hair, Medusa's snakes
Still, he laughs more.
That laughter echoes
On the moldy walls
Fear quickly grows
Inside his guardians' souls.
The slaughter
As a response to the voice
Began with a laughter.
He lost his conscience.
When he laughs, blood flows
Feasting begins
Among the dark crows
That eat his sins.
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139,372 Literary Works • 672,541 Reviews
Hola!
Here to conquer your words & polish your thoughts!
I'm here for a short review. I am very impressed at how you layed out this poem. I really enjoyed reading this except I'd like to admit it was a bit glory just as your warnings. I think this is well written with enjoyable amount of horror and supsense within it. In my opionion you have real beautiful sense of writing a poem, whatever the topic is.
As well as it is written, I have suggestion...
Let's jump in!
I know it's the flow of the poem but you might wan to add a comma after "Still".
Do you mean "guardians' " or "guardian's" by "gaurdians"?
"eat" needs to be "eats", I think.
That's all! I quite enjoyed reading this beautiful poem. It's an unusual topic you wrote about and I think that's unique.
I would love to review your writings if you ever need someone to!
Thank you for sharing this!
Keep up the writing!
Always smile!
~Chris
Thanks for showing me those mistakes!
Hey there!
I absolutely love this poem! It fits the spooky vibes of October perfectly. Part of me feels like it is a perfect addition to The Telltale Heart or The Raven. It definitely has the eerie terror of Poe's poems, but with your own twist to it. I love the allusions to murder and cannibalism/vampirism but it is totally up to the reader's discretion. All in all, a wonderful poem with great spooky tones! Really well done!
Hey there!
I absolutely love this poem! It fits the spooky vibes of October perfectly. Part of me feels like it is a perfect addition to The Telltale Heart or The Raven. It definitely has the eerie terror of Poe's poems, but with your own twist to it. I love the allusions to murder and cannibalism/vampirism but it is totally up to the reader's discretion. All in all, a wonderful poem with great spooky tones! Really well done!