What a wide-spread beauty,
Is the eagle up high.
With his wings as gold as sun rays,
He glides through the midday sky.
His wings ripple the air,
As shadows are cast o'er mountain streams.
And as he frowns upon a broken world,
His eye like a palace gleams.
So strong in himself,
With voice as clear as crisp winter air.
Yet coat as soft as silk,
And embedded, his constant sharp eye's glare.
With a quiet broken heart,
He watches with a fierce rage burning.
He watches us pollute, murder...
A heart so fervently yearning.
In anguish he wonders,
How dare you?
Break my heart, fragile,
With every strike, you knew
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140,907 Literary Works • 673,717 Reviews
Hello, BumbleBear!
First off, I love the word "eagle". And the bird itself, too, mostly because of a lovely Abba song that's called "Eagle".
Second off, I liked this poem a lot.
This is a great way to start a poem. I got hooked immediately – it's so beautiful. The last two lines of the first stanza weren't as powerful as these, in fact they were a bit blah and clichéed. So maybe you should think up something else that goes well with the first lines and aren't left in the shadow of them.
To me, this sounds a bit awkward. Not only "embedded" is such a tongue twister, but I also felt like you'd just tried to... ah, I forgot what I was saying! I'm trying to say that there are too many strong words stuffed together, it just doesn't sound very good in the end.
Polluting and murder are very daily words and things, unfortunately so. This line just came behind a tree for me, because I'd been lulled into that powerful eagle world, and then words like these break the atmosphere. I don't know, though, maybe it's meant to be like that? So we would stop and think about it more. Maybe...
All in all, I think you've done good work. Keep up!
Demeter xxx
I think its an amazing poem you get right to the point. The last few lines could use some work to do the poem the justice it deserves otherwise great read. Keep it up!
This is a very powerful poem. I think though, that you should get to the point in the beginning. Also, punctuation would be nice. Otherwise, I think that this was a very good poem and very helpful reminder that we aren't the only creatures on this earth. If you fix it up you would do well as to enter some sort of contest. Just look around. Widen your vocab.
Good! I really liked this piece, and you can tell a lot of effort went into it. I liked the idea of looking into what the eagle thinks, that isn't done enough.
Great opener, gives you a real sense of this eagle and his life.
What a wide-spread beauty,
Is the eagle up high.
With his wings as gold as sun rays,
He glides through the midday sky.
This stanza is also pretty good, but the last line is confusing. What do you mean by the palace
His wings ripple the air,
As shadows are cast o'er mountain streams.
And as he frowns upon a broken world,
His eye like a palace gleams.
I would change coat to feathers, i don't think it would have much effect on the rhyme shceme
So strong in himself,
With voice as clear as crisp winter air.
Yet coat as soft as silk,
And embedded, his constant sharp eye's glare.
The last line is good, and i think you meant he yearns for the days when it wasn't so. I think it would be worth another stanza describing that.
With a quiet broken heart,
He watches with a fierce rage burning.
He watches us pollute, murder...
A heart so fervently yearning.
This last stanza is a bit weak, it repeats you twice, but other then that pretty good.
In anguish he wonders,
How dare you?
Break my heart, fragile,
With every strike, you knew
I would give this piece a 92/100
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Patience is a waste of time
P.S.- You taste funny.