Sometimes I wonder. I wonder about a lot of things. What are those things you may ask? Well that’s a secret. The biggest secret there is. The problem is that I do know that secret. You don’t know who I am. You don’t know what I am. You don’t know what has happened. The truth is I am just a secret waiting to be told.
There was someone in my life that I truly cared about. Every time I think about them, it hurts. Sometimes I picture my life if that person was here, but that my friends, is a fairy tale. That is something that must never be said out loud. I don’t know why, but that’s the rule I have given myself. I am a very confusing person and I wish I wasn’t, but with secrets comes confusion. Confusion of the unknown.
The unknown is best to be unknown, but as we look deeper and try to understand the unknown, it seems so fascinating that we must make the unknown known. It does not matter how long it takes, we dig deeper and deeper until we know. We will do anything to find out, we do not care who we hurt or that we will get hurt, we must know. The people in our lives get hurt and we also get hurt, but we do not see or feel that until the very end of the journey of finding the unknown.
The unknown is called the unknown for a specific reason.
I know what I know. Sometimes I wish what I know could be the unknown. I have hurt so many people that I care about and that is why I run. I run so the past can't come and catch up with me, but that again is a fairy tale.
When I look in the mirror I see a big secret. A secret that I wish never was in my life. A secret that if you would know, you would want to make it the unknown.
I walk around this town and you see me every day. You don’t know who I am. You don’t know what I am and you don’t know what has happened. The unknown. It sucks doesn’t it?
When you see me you don’t see me. Remember, I am just a secret waiting to be told.
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141,284 Literary Works • 674,333 Reviews
This is... interesting. The unknown factors in this piece are so large it really makes me WANT to know what this big secret it. First off, I'll quote my favorite part:
"When I look in the mirror I see a big secret. A secret that I wish never was in my life. A secret that if you would know, you would want to make it the unknown."
This makes me think that there was some love affair, but what it really does is paint in my mind what the secret must be like. The looking in the mirror part especially helps. The best thing is that you never compared it to anything, which is something I really like about pieces like these. The confusion makes me feel like this person has no idea whats going on with their life, which is great for a romance novel (I'd imagine, as I've never read one before).
Overall good job
Oh dang like I have two perspectives in my head;
I feel like this is about 1.) a little girl who knows everything but wishes not too, but than this does sound like 2.) about a secrets perspective.
Does that make any sense?
This was very good and mysterious and I know from the vivid wording and metaphors and similes that it had a lot to do with the complications of the unknown.
Another thing i felt was that with the way you have structured it, maybe you could even go onto expanding it into a novel, better yet a prologue. It's just that good!
Plus I liked the fact that you used 'someone' and 'that person'. This reader can either relate to either gender.
I was intrigued and found it fascinating. Great work.
Hi!
So I really enjoy how this piece is unique and thought provoking. Great job!
The only critiques I have are a bit of technical errors, like commas and the like.
"What are those things you may ask."
This should end with a question mark as it is a rhetorical question.
"Every time I think about it, it hurts."
You might want to change the first "it" to "them", because you're talking about a person, not an object.
"but that my friends is a fairy tale."
You might want to put a comma both before and after "friends" because it is direct address.
"Sometimes I wish what I know, could be the unknown."
I suggest changing the know to "knew". This is just a suggestion though, because I'm sure you chose the way to phrase this sentence for a reason.
My second suggestion is to remove the comma. The two phrases are not separate clauses, and seem to make more sense without an intended pause.
Other than that, great job! I wish I could write something along the lines of this. You have to tell me your inspiration! This work is superb.
This was written casually, well.
It was weighing the sides of general and specific both. Even though you were telling your story, it can relate to a lot of people out there.
Loved the 'unknown is unknown for a specific reason'. A whole lot of people need to realise that, and let things go.
Liked the ending as well.
Good work !
I loved the fact that when 'secrets' was mentioned in the title, the secret was unknown until the very end.
It kept the consistency up from the beginning till the very end.
Also, i liked the fact that you used 'someone' and 'that person'. It will allow a reader of either of the genders to relate.
I write something similar, without a beginning and without an end.
One of the reasons i REALLY liked this one !
The only fault ( cannot be called a 'fault' exactly ) was, i think a few places could use a comma, for the effect.
Other than that, this was really good.
Hello, this is Em101cats here to review!
Wow, I'm very surprised this isn't in the featured works section! It deserves such a title.
I love this so much! I only have two little nitpicks.
I think you mean must here. Don't worry, guess who does that all the time? Me!
To keep the flow in the sentence, I think you should do one of these three suggestions instead:
1. The unknown. It sucks, doesn't it?
2. The unknown sucks, doesn't it?
3. The unknown - it sucks, doesn't it?
Just some friendly suggestions
Those are the only two small errors I found. (Not that I found any big ones. This is AMAZING!) I loved everything about it! Way to be unique by writing about something I've never read about or thought about before! Well, a lot of poems or short stories are about secrets. But yours is different. (My poem "Whisper" is one of those poems that isn't THAT unique.) Yours is different in this kind of way: When other poems or short stories are mentioning secrets, they speak of people TELLING secrets or KEEPING secrets. But yours says that you ARE the secret. Wow! What a surprise there, isn't it? I love it!
Keep up the great writing!
~Em101cats~
Thanks and I totally will fix these changes! I really thought this was crap and I wrote this in March when I was in this total depression so I thought this was dumb but you like it so I guess it is good
I loved this! It is SO NOT dumb and crappy this is AWESOME!
Hey there!
Budding writer here for a review! I must tell you I thoroughly liked this piece! It was very intriguing and quite captivating to me. The concept of a secret waiting to be told plays out really well.
This is quite interesting the way you have described a secret and what its significance is actually. However it would have been better if you had expanded on the concept of the unknown a little more. I thought that was a bit abrupt.
Another thing i felt was that with the way you have structured it you could even go on to expanding it as a novel. You could make this the prologue. This is just a suggestion. It would be quite suspenseful and fresh idea.
Please do keep on writing! I would love to read more of your stories.
pm me when you post another one!
-Budding writer
Thanks for the advice! Thank you for taking the time on reading it! It really means a lot to me
your most welcome! Let me know when you post more!
I did